The older child is jealous: what to do?
With the advent of the baby in the family the older children are becoming more distant from their parents. This is due to the fact that a small child requires much more time, care and affection. Many parents dedicate myself fully to the child, forgetting to pay due attention to the eldest child. The issue of lack of parental care occurs in many families very badly. Against this background, an older child develops a sense of jealousy.
Children aged 7-10 years can experience the feeling of jealousy and competition towards their younger brothers and sisters. This occurs for the reason that at this age children are able to Express in various ways their feelings and emotions, including jealousy! Sibling rivalry – a phenomenon quite frequent. Let’s understand why this situation occurs, what can be done parents.
What hides childish jealousy?
At the age of 7 years the child is already quite developed, he is able to think about what is happening in the house while he was gone, and he may seem that he is separated from his parents. Sibling rivalry could occur at an earlier age, but the child could not Express their feelings and to convey to their parents the idea that he lacks attention.
The emergence of jealousy is understandable. At that time, until the eldest child is in school, the younger children remain at home with their parents, and most of the day the parents of my youngest child. As they grow, the child becomes more independent and independent. He considers himself an adult, but he is deprived of the warmth and closeness that you experienced while with my parents as a kid.
Analyzing the relationship between parents and younger brothers and sisters (the kids often cry and need comfort; kids need to learn to crawl and walk, that takes a lot of time, etc.), the older child begins to feel the lack of attention, and he had a feeling of jealousy. Sometimes he may seem to love him less! Inside the child there’s conflict, the essence of which is that the child wants to be an adult, but retain a close relationship with parents who were between them until the baby. If the time to help the child to overcome this barrier for the first time, in the future, all similar situations will not be strange and will be solved easier.
But let’s start with you. Give your answer to the question: are you his eldest child the proper attention, give him tenderness, care and affection? Perhaps you, unwittingly, let him to the role of «adult, independent person». Maybe you are waiting for it to become «adults» and your oldest child right that you’re not too good? Of course, when the family appears kid, all the attention naturally goes to him and is consumed for its needs. Very often parents forget that need for attention, adult children are also great, despite the fact that he seems so independent in comparison with the defenseless baby.
Besides, parents can feel unwanted, abandoned,» in that case, if the adult child spends a lot of time with peers and dealing with his personal issues, and to communicate with parents do not have time. Therefore, parents often focus all attention on the baby, who still needs them. Remember!!! Older kids need attention no less than the younger, they will need your affection and warmth. You need to listen to your child, because he will tell you in what capacity he needs you!
How to handle jealous parents?
Of course, the best option would be to make it clear to your child that there is no need to choose between a desire to be adult and independent and close relationship with their parents. This can be a single entity! You need to explain to him in a gentle form that his jealousy is not justified, and you love her no less!
Start your conversation with the child that listen to his opinion. Thank him for what he shared with you his feelings and not keep them to yourself. Do not blame the child for the feelings he has every right to do.
Explain to your child that this problem has a solution. After you find a compromise, the child will be a joy to spend time with you, while remaining adults.
The child will share feelings more readily if you understand and accept his feelings.
Consider a few of the means to solve the problem of sibling rivalry:
- Be sure to take the time to communicate privately with his elder child.
- Find time for walks, play games with an older child, go with him to the movies, museums, etc.
- Let your child solve certain issues (e.g. when to go to bed).
- If you need to leave, for the solution of household chores, then take the older child is a wonderful opportunity to be alone.
- If you have some free time, invite the older child to spend it with you.
- Often tell him how much you love him and be proud of it! Also tell him that he did not hesitate to be with you a small child.