You’re not busy — you’re just a shitty friend
When a man tells you: «I’m very busy» to justify why he could not call back your missed or reply to SMS — what is the most unpleasant? Not even this disdainful phrase «I was busy» (this is nonsense). Most hate the fact that people genuinely believe that you don’t have the brains to figure it a simple lie. Oh, right, you’re «very busy» working 40 hours a week, and in his spare time lounging in his underwear on the couch and watching the show? And I can’t break away from the monitor for a minute to several times to poke at your smartphone? I’m sorry, I thought this is not the issue. You appreciate our communication — at least from time to time. I guess I was wrong and mistook you for someone else. Minus me.
Okay, dude, I understand. You’re busy. You work, you learn, you go to the gym, you started to learn to program — the bases to the list of their own classes. And guess what? You’re not alone. Your friend has a job, too. He also has Hobbies and responsibilities just like you. Now I will surprise you even more: most people do live like this, always something doing and put a tick next to the points in my Tudu list. To be busy is not new. On the contrary: this is the default option. Why, then, someone’s «employment» is a good reason to not be friends?
«I’m very busy» — a typical excuse not to be somebody’s friend. The more typical it becomes, the more it is acceptable in society to justify their neglect of friends and loved ones. «I’m very busy» is a mental slap in the face to the person who asked why do you not react to it. These words you seem to say to the person: «My life is full of more important and valuable to me things and people than you. The door he find?»
To be busy is not new. On the contrary: this is the default option. Why, then, someone’s «employment» is a good reason to not be friends?
Sad phenomenon: because of this eternal «I am busy» every day destroyed human relationships. The saddest thing — the fact that we do not fully understand why this happens. Why don’t we call back and not answer my text? We like nothing prevents, we may even remember that today received email, but to answer it not reached. All postponed on then, and again later, before you know it — and already missed all the deadlines to answer, when he was still relevant. Then write and call a shame, because you have to make excuses for his silence. How to solve this issue? Right, don’t ring! What for once again to feel guilty? So time passes and in the end we find out that our friend has become a stranger. When? How? Why? Because we were busy?
Not sure, right? Actually you’re not too busy. Don’t lie to yourself though. If you’re not the President (if the President reads us, he will certainly not leave a comment, even if I’m going to ask him, right?), not a Patriarch, a Pope and not a CEO of the largest company, you can hardly complain about their excessive employment, especially in these days when you have plenty of ways to communicate with others.
Give me a call. Write SMS. Write an e-mail. Write a tweet. Leave the writing on the wall from a friend Vkontakte. Call me in Skype or even arrange a chat there, where will gather all his dudes. And, this is possible only if each month to pay for the use of the program — then the option for the rogue to gather chat Vkontakte. Like a photo in Instagram. Do something to one to know that you are lying somewhere in the gutter semi-decomposed and still remember that it exists.
Seriously. The possibilities are endless when it comes to communicating in 2013. So why the phrase «I’m busy» becoming the norm? So, maybe you have recently had a baby, you and your wife have a mortgage you found yourself a part-time job — I agree, you got less free time than your friend. But is it robs you of the opportunity to pick up the phone and Nakazato 70 poor characters? Is it deprives you of the smartphone and speechless and you seriously can’t type in three touch a room and talk with his friend five minutes? Unless this disables the option «send a message» you have Vkontakte?
If you think about it, this is not the most grievous sin in relationships with friends. You know who else is worse than a busy man? So-called friends who follow you on various social networks (in this case, of course, not sharing with you any information in real time), know all your news and for some unknown reason think that all this gives them a reason to get the title of Best Friend-2013.
Whoa-whoa, man, palehche! Friendship does not. Be aware of someone’s life because of the social networks (like Instagram pics, and to repost something to Facebook, retweets, etc.) is not the equivalent of communicating with each other. Heard of such a thing as real life? This behavior is able to transform you for a person who considers you a friend, immaterial essence, whose habitat is close to the unnamed source Wi-Fi. Perhaps the presence of Wi-Fi is a precondition for the existence of the species that does not possess the gift of speech. Its representatives can only indirectly inform us about their presence. They never talk and not know how to write.
In short, the more aggressively you beat yourself heel in the chest, proving to all and Sundry as too busy to chat, the higher the possibility that you’re just a shitty friend. Think about it. When you say: «I have been very busy, let’s go somewhere let’s go hang out» or «I’ve been so busy, but I’ll call you» and not to keep their promises is the same thing as saying: «I’ll never talk to you again as long as we don’t accidentally run into at the bar and I will not be forced to support with you conversation.»
If you don’t have time to be a friend, say it. So it will be much better than pretending to be someone you are not. In fact, when a person sends you a message, calls and gets no response, you’re no friend of mine. You’re a black hole that sucks up his time, energy and attention.