Wife, children, money and laziness…
Dear editor, the question I have intimate and intricate properties. I think I know the answer, but I want to know your opinion, because the view from outside is often fresh and useful.
The situation is the following: a little over 4 months to meet a girl who is older than me by 6 years. I’m 25. We love each other. Here carefully: LOVE. She is what I need. I — what we need it. It is not discussed. Here can not get out of the doubt that time will show, although this idea definitely Yes and there will be someone in the head. I am well aware of two facts: we have a lovely time — this time, she is older than me. In connection with the second paragraph there’s a problem — she wants kids. Direct you really want. In principle, I even understand. Her time is ticking. But… And here
guys heavy breathing…
I also want children. Why not? I consider myself adequate. I think that I can solve the problem. But, lest You think something extra — I’m lazy like a lot of guys to jump above the head.
I earn less than her. To say that I was annoying — to say nothing. It pisses me off. To require her to quit work I have no moral or any other right. Roughly speaking — I office plankton. She is a Director in the company. I believe that for my age I make pretty good money, well arranged, and capable of much. But given the fact laziness (I will add here the point that I’m a planner), I move at their speed. I know that you know what lies ahead of me. In General, I feel good about myself. I is more profitable than their current peers. But she wants kids. And she, as a person in your age and your earnings — wants kids and amenities. I again understand. But I can’t right now it to give. In a recent conversation flashed that she undergoes. And then what is not said, and I also did not feel (the conversation was for alcohol). I still have a conversation with her.
I grew up in a poor family. Very poor. I know what it’s like to grow up in poverty. I really respect their ancestors for what they were able to give me. But she needs children now, although it has large loans, and together we plan to invest in real estate. I know that people normally bring up children, earning roughly two pennies. But I know what it is, and can’t. Irritates me my position. Hate that I can’t afford to have children, because she used to feel comfort. And provide comfort to children at a separate issue.
And I doubt that even a year will be able to provide the level of comfort, to be sure that you did everything you could.
In General, something like that. It’s hard for me, guys. And I know what to tell her. But I’m interested in Your opinion. Thanks for the help.
I always had a strange love with conditions. The conditions of women «or give birth, or we break up» very surprising. What is love? It turns out she was from the man it is necessary that he impregnated her and worked to raise a child? If people are good together, then why do they need a third? I’m not saying that having children is not necessary. But this desire must be mutual and absolute.
If you feel that is not ready neither morally, nor in financial terms, then stand your ground. That is, you want kids, but there is still some doubt is a sign that no need to rush. Sign that while it is not the time for you to become a father. If a girl really likes you, she will agree to live with you in principle without children, if you have never it not solved. There is nothing worse than unwanted unplanned children. Unfortunately, in most cases, children are born, or shotgun, or because it’s time because the clock is ticking. More than sure that many women do not want children as I am afraid that when they want to, it will be too late. This kind of habit and tradition — to give birth. Hardly anyone comes to this consciously. In my opinion this is the most serious and responsible thing to do — to raise children. And there are plenty of objective reasons not to have children.
You’re absolutely right, when you think about what the child should not grow up in poverty. Many people, especially the older generation, like to give examples of how they lived in the small apartments and we wore the clothes for the older brothers, sisters, and saying nothing, rose. So it is true, but you know what it’s like not to have something to dream about. When childhood dreams don’t come true — it’s not a very happy childhood, and it is remembered for a lifetime. Any dude who grew up in a poor family, would not wish such a childhood to your child.
You can, of course, to spit on everything and hope that everything will work out that you will from here to eternity, but will be able to provide their child and will be able to give him an education, and housing help and more. You can believe it and committed, provided that he is ready for it. Willing to work two or three jobs, to surrender these things for the sake of the child and so on. If you are willing to sacrifice, if that’s what you want, not because you’re afraid that your girlfriend will leave you, then Yes.
Can not know, what still you said your friend (although interesting), but I will insist on: having children, by mutual consent, and the moral readiness, and loved one not give up, because he is not yet ready for children, and it’s time. A man should be sure he wanted kids, or he wants to, because — «Why not?» or because wants to be his girlfriend.
You certainly can in the course of the year (which she promised to be patient, hell, again I wonder what she will do) to try to change and suddenly become a cool businessman or suddenly climb the corporate ladder to Director. Perhaps you’ll even thank her, she you thus spurred. But still if it sets conditions, this kind of strange love… not real.
And about the fact that you earn less than your lady, here is another topic and it all depends on your abilities and aspirations. The main thing is not to be a Freeloader and a gigolo.
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