Why you have no friends
In your life has come a black stripe. Grey rainy autumn colors in a similar color mood. You leaf through a list of six friends Vkontakte, looking at the impressive list of names on Skype, but somehow no one to call. To talk with anyone. There are a couple of friends who you think is best, but those were scattered in different cities, and make new friendships long, tedious and generally, you’re not at that age… Man, with this approach you risk not to die, but to live in the dark alone. Let’s try to consider possible reasons why you have no friends and what you can do about it.
1. Virtual relationship
In our time, the Internet communications relationship, whether friendly or amorous nature, every day becoming more and more virtual. You have old friends with whom you constantly communicate online, by keeping them in the loop by updating the ribbon photos or vital posts. Similarly you do when making a new acquaintance, if necessary, by sending a short message or comment on photo to remind about its existence. It is unlikely we will open your eyes, if you say that it’s not something that friends but good friends don’t have, but you’re not too worried about this, because building bridges requires a large amount of personal interaction in person. And you stupidly lazy. Is it any wonder then that after a couple years of this virtual friendship, none of these people will not find time for you to provide real physical support, if you suddenly squeeze some unpleasant event.
Try to find a couple of hours for a personal meeting to talk with the friend who have not seen and who to contact on Skype more than a month ago (if you don’t live in different cities). Of course, you have no time on courtesy visits to my mate, but choose a few days off and have a drink something in a bar with those with whom would you like to build bridges. And if you could not find a common topic of conversation, and your relationship is only good for rare correspondences, you can always throw that idea out of your head and take on another potential friend.
2. No time to invest in relationships
Time is money or, actually, even more valuable than money. Do you work/study, family problems, health problems, exercise room, girl, whatever! And when I have spare minute, you just want an extra hour to lie in bed, watch a movie, move away from the working week, not fun Hiking with friends. And if you’re an introvert? The mass festivities for you like death! If you are one of these people, what can you find a solution? No. Relax and enjoy the silence, tranquility and serenity. Today your best friend is loneliness.
3. People move on
Early career, new family situation or study in another city can weaken even the strongest friendship. Loosen, but do not eradicate, it is said that men’s friendship — a strong friendship. We can’t lose real friends. We grow, we evolve, we change. Friendship from childhood, of course, is special, and we look back, knowing that there was a soul mate, but that doesn’t mean the new city or new job, no decent people, a sympathy which could develop into a good friendly and then friendly relationship.
4. Compatibility issues
Sometimes the friendship fizzles when one of the friends makes a sudden leap forward or change your interests or Outlook as a result of any significant event, life events. This is a natural process of development. You may refuse to accept a new person in your life to a position of the other, as biased start to treat him, having learned that he was a little distracting from the overall system. For example, I can’t understand what made a healthy bearded man suddenly become a vegetarian or be an active participant of any political party. Or your friend starts to move away from you after lived in another country, adopted some specific features of mentality, ideology, the nature of the thought process or perspective, on issues where you had the same opinion. He probably got a hell of a promotion, and now rowing money with a shovel, and you subconsciously feel ashamed for myself and for my profession as a middle Manager. Friendship with him is a powerful cognitive dissonance: it seems to be one, but your self-esteem drops with each hour of your communication. Disputes about books, girls, job, place in life, cultural values are unlikely to ruin the friendship, but if one outgrew the other, you need to decide for themselves how the principles and judgments important relationships. Only two choices: either to accept it or not.
5. Problems in a relationship
This story is as old as the world: your girlfriend is very negatively disposed towards friend or all your friends. It’s one thing when you’re meeting her a couple of months: you could afford to send her to hell, or try to establish relations between them, even if deep down you’re sure of this, nothing good will come of it. But if this lady is from the series «one for life»? In such an awkward and delicate situation, you need to understand that the man who truly loves, will not put you in front of the choice «either I or friends». Of course, if we are not talking about those friends who every Friday dragged to a strip bar.
6. Change of priorities
You have a family or girlfriend. Now you spend almost all my free time hanging out with them. Some important people to replace those who had been in the first place. You don’t make new friends, communicate with old sluggish. You have a lot of communication with the better half, who shares with you in joy and sorrow. That’s fine, but you cannot deprive yourself of harsh communicating heart to heart. This can be called unnatural. A good solution is to begin to relax together. Try to make the girl feel comfortable in the company of your friends, of course, if you have all-male get-together. Then you may not have to be torn between two fires: you will be able to spend time with the girl and with your friends without depriving any of them of their precious attention.
7. The ghosts of the past friendship
Let’s say you had a friend. You called him when he was sick, helped when he asked for help, to spend your time, energy and emotions, and partied with him and went to football matches, but for some reason it ended and you stayed in the company of my fictional friends. Now you don’t buy that crap. Will become a lone wolf… Such samoloty — a road to nowhere, believe me. Heavy emotional baggage is absolutely every person, and people are inherently selfish. No one will change just because you want to. Any relationship is work that is rewarded with joy and happiness with the right approach. Forget your childish insults and call me a good friend, agreed on a joint foray into the gym or sports bar.
Why is that man so kindly and openly communicate with you? Perhaps he needs something. Perhaps he’s looking for from communication some benefit. The man is a wolf. It is not clear what it is, but are you sure this is not going to participate.
If the train of thought you caught the familiar phrase, it is not clear why you even read this article. Sure, there are people who are just like you, suffering from loneliness and trying to make new friends and find friendly support in the ruthless jungle of the metropolis. If you want to communicate, not alienate. Don’t think that a certain loneliness is safety and protection. A feeling of protection and serenity give people who support when you need it.
9. The lack of initiative
At the beginning of any new friendship must be someone who takes the initiative, breaks the ice and offers an occasion for meetings and space for parties. But there are people who do nothing and always expect that everything will come to him in some weird way by itself. Perhaps a small test of silence and will not hurt, but a permanent ignore and calm — not the best conditions for the start of friendly relations.
10. The factor of selfishness
And the last option, why you weigh the label of «Forever Alone Guy», is all about you. Maybe you don’t know how to make a good first impression, and people believe that it is better not to trust this type. If you do not wish to at least occasionally delve into other people’s problems, or, on the contrary, talking only about himself, and Noah constantly complaining about their problems, before to look for friends, do your own upgrade. Don’t need to be easier that you attract people. You need to be able to give and accept, to be tolerant and forgiving, while remaining true to himself and his principles.