When you live with a girl, you know that…
Daring to share with someone in the house, you voluntarily choose his society during his free time. Now always when you’re not working, you will be next, and it is fraught with many surprises. Connecting you with a friend in shared housing, you will receive not just two people in one place. Cohabitation is a kind of chemical reaction with the formation of a new substance and the associated release of light, heat, smell, energy, and color change. And it is at least interesting.
Integer is the sum of all parts
Sounds logical, in fact it looks absurd. I always thought a trifle not worth considering. For me matter how many times one of us took out the trash and who paid for what. I often do not attach importance to the form, focusing on the meaning of what was said. It turns out that all my life I lived the wrong way, focusing only on the visible: with important conversations and significant events. Girl important the slightest shades of intonation. She can find the connotation of the words before you truly considered neutral. All the words he understands literally everything for him to have some subtext. Sometimes this sensitivity to detail it is even right! For example, to ask each other how the day went is a common thing, what could be the consequences? I’ll tell you. One day we quarreled and did not speak, and then I realized how important for me to talk with her about the smallest details of my day. Same thing with fighting. A bunch of little Sorok equivalent to one thorough.
Communication consists of words only half
The other half is the perception of information. It’s easy to «listen», not really listening. Even if we sincerely try to listen, we don’t always include the full attention to the emotions and concerns of the speaker. The ability to focus will come with time, you may want to learn. Often this is hidden another difficulty: do you know what she tells you? Sometimes, men’s interpretation differs from what the meaning friend has put into his words. Sometimes during quarrels: it seems that I blame her, and I again and again Express their not the most pleasant thought, giving her another chance to refute my words. How to stop this madness? Time to ask again. To say, «You mean?…» and to say that you understand, in your own words. Typically, this method helps to eliminate confusion.
Doubt — speak
Avoiding the problem will not solve it — you’re just delaying the inevitable. When someone doesn’t want to talk to and makes between himself and the second person in the relationship wall is unproductive. Silence is not always gold. If someone is offended, he must not be silent in a rag and quietly hate in the corner. He needs to discuss it and listen to the excuses of the other side. So you can simultaneously solve several problems.
People change to fit the situation
Another freshman friend of pigface taught me a trick. She told me that when mom starts shouting at her, she, on the contrary, lowers tone, and mom automatically stops the tantrum. Why? People tend to adjust their intonation, gestures, and volume of voice. It seems natural, but this behavior pattern can play a cruel joke with you: you seem like a friend who is not. It turns out that fighting the aggressor is often fighting with itself. How to be here? To include the head. To be consistent. When she finish his tirade, think about the nature of your problem. Do not cling to words, to silence emotions and to speak on the case. Only discuss what is wrong. Consistently, agreeing with his plan in mind.
Its actions are aimed not only at you
It is not necessary to evaluate its behavior as if everything she does is focusing on you. Not every action aimed at her husband. Moreover, the majority of people thinks about us as much as we do about them, i.e. less than about ourselves. In my head everyone plays a major role. Why do we think others need us to be significantly different? She’s not angry with you, and the fact that she broke the computer. She’s not unhappy with you, and for those that have long stood in the tube. She is laconic, not because of offense but because I’m tired. She’s not offended, she is thoughtful. All there were quarrels on this soil. In short, you understand.
The girls like to listen to the sound of his own voice and talking about yourself. Probably like all people. When I moved and was looking for work, at interviews I was asked why I did it, thus putting me in the position of the narrator. I was forced to tell their story, and they evaluated me as a person — that’s how important it is to be the one to tell! When you say, she learns not only the information you want to convey, but yourself. Finished speaking — pass the baton to her. Let it tells. Guarantee: every story you will learn about something new, even at an intuitive level.
Everything in life is not always so
Forget about books and movies. Experience: victory and defeat, trial and error is what shapes us and makes who we really are. Everything is someone else — someone else. You will be different. Never compare you with anyone: neither with heroes or with real people. No need to replace the motivation of his girlfriend motivations of literary characters or other people who have experienced similar situations. The truth may astound you. How to please and be pleased. Let me give you example of life. I was long baffled by the bad mood my friend. Sometimes for no reason she was upset and closed. I searched the cause in itself. Once it became clear that she had some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder: every day she shares a bunch of check-points and the failure of at least one of them irreversibly spoil her mood. Now I see her behavior differently.
Men and women communicate differently
Women feel closer through talking, and men with joint activities (video games, bad movies and the like). What to do? To combine! Talking during the game, for example. You can combine these activities in very different ways. When two people who used to communicate in different ways, begin to live together, it is important to remember that the difference in the perception of communication can cause stress. This means that you will have to talk. Even if not used.