What’s wrong with wanting to please others and how to get rid of it?
Not so long ago someone in the comments noticed that we often write in my articles why you should not try to please other people. Altruism is a beautiful thing, assure us. We don’t argue. But why the desire to please everyone is not only altruism, but also extremely unhealthy thing?
The desire for the approval of other people may from time to time be considered a normal thing. While you do not harm their health, interests and ambitions. This becomes a serious problem if you feel approval from others becomes almost oxygen that you now need to breathe. There was a time in my life when I felt that way.
I just felt that there wasn’t enough air that I could die, if you do not meet the expectations of their environment. If my colleagues or family didn’t approve of me — this is the end. The state that lived in my mind when I was very young, appears, as a rule, in the minds of those people who was teased as a child a «nerd». And although I grew out of school age, in my mind cemented hard uncertainty.
Such people go to learn professions that they are not pretty to please the mother. For a job that they don’t like that dad would not be ashamed in front of friends. And even choose the girl who seemed to mother the cute, although the girl they do not like. But my mom approves, so all is well. These people mean by «right things» that others consider «right». It interferes with life. What «right» and approved by the society, it is necessary to distinguish from what is right from the point of view of experience and common sense. So how do you get rid of obsessive desire to please everyone?
1. Try not to think about what other people think of you
If you do not think about what other people think of you, you can safely go further. You see all these people that are complete nonsense in life and in their blogs? Know what secret of the fact that they are so confident? They don’t care about what anyone thinks about them. So remember one do the right thing: «as long as you don’t harm people, don’t think about what they think about you».
2. Know that most people don’t think about you anyway
Gossip, of course, will be thinking of you, even enjoy. Those who have nothing to do, too. But they are pathetic little people, so they are not worth paying attention to. Forget what other people think about you they probably don’t. If you feel that they always look at you and criticize your every move is a figment of your imagination. Your own inner fear and insecurities create this illusion. Even if you have strict controls all father, this does not mean that he currently thinks of you. He has other goals.
3. I agree that someone else’s opinion — not your problem
A lot of people underestimate you, but many consider wrong. If someone forms an opinion about you based on superficial analysis, that’s his problem. If you did not open before this man, so something’s been stopping you, then this isn’t the person want to open up.
4. Does it really matter?
People think they want. Few people renege on their words, because it requires eggs. No matter how carefully chosen words and manners, always there is a good chance that they will be misinterpreted and returned someone upside down. Does it matter in your life? No, it is not.
5. You have the obvious advantage that you don’t listen to anyone
Even if you do nonsense, then at least you’re doing it yourself. You will soon realize that the source of their problems, are you yourself, and it will help you to get useful life experience.
Human nature is to mimic the behavior of other people. MS former primates, man, alas! You often make decisions on other decisions. In small doses it’s fine, but when we do it all the time, do we become primates. Well you’re just a unique snowflake, there’s something to brag about. Quality that you most appreciate in people, come from the individuality. It’s brightness, spontaneity, charisma, ability to defend their opinion, interesting and original features. It all belongs to interesting personalities, which really differ from most. But we should not copy their behavior — this is turning into an ugly mimicry. A friend of mine in all seriousness to watch some second-rate shit, which personally I cause a vomiting impulses. But when he wittily examines why it looks all falls into place. Besides, I know he likes nice things. A couple of fast food he can be forgiven.
6. To know what you want
Know what you want, fine. But it is better to reduce the number of options and find out what you really want, and how to achieve it. Not necessary if you want to learn to program, to begin to study anatomy for artists. This is useful knowledge, but you won’t need it!
Understand who you are now, in this time and in the moment. Forget about the fact that you are from the clothes of certain brands, expectations and aspirations. Feel like a real person, dressed in clothes. If you throw out of your head all these details, which mean nothing if you stop to think about how you look from the side, you will really start to take its own decision.
7. Speak & live their truth
The truth can be one. However, there is one. But points of view a lot.
Think about it, why be fake? If it is not in danger some really serious consequences, to defend his opinion. Of course, do not shitless to argue that it is better: M&m’s with nuts or without, but if someone tries to blame something you or your friend can and should say what you think. If you can deliver to the person in a calm manner, what do you think about this, he’ll understand. If he starts to shout and be indignant, then know that it is all because he feels that he is losing power over you.