What if the realization came too late

Question

Hello, dear manygoodtips.com. Writing to you about an issue that burns me is not the first year. Many give you valuable advice — I will advise something sensible. I’m 26, 3 years ago graduated from a technical College. Nearly specialty. Went and finished not because I wanted or liked, but rather by inertia — it was necessary to start somewhere. With math everything was very good — it’s one of the reasons why he enrolled in a technical College. The school also always been fascinated with biology (slightly less chemistry). Only in the last year of school I realized that I like medicine — I read (and read) a lot of popular science books on medicine, periodically read scientific articles, subscribed to many channels in medicine (e.g., Telegram). This unconscious desire was always there, but after 23 years it finally took shape in the specific idea. But then I was afraid to risk the loss of the diploma (it was a pity five years) and military Department (and the prospect of leave in the army), and for this reason did not go. I hate my job, but can’t change anything and therefore, more hate yourself. Every year more and more. Periodically fall into a depression and pills out. It is noteworthy that his first depressive episode I «helped out» a textbook on psychiatry. I have now no possibility to go to study in medical school — do not have sufficient financial cushion to pay for education and basic needs for the duration of the training. I work, get paid, spend it, and I have a small amount of the mortgage (which leave remnants of salary). I am more than sure that this is my calling, but I strongly doubt that it ever is implemented. I perfectly know I am not the kind of person who can live for the sake of family or other values. Profession, vocation — for me this is the main in life. This is what, in my opinion, defines a person’s life to a greater extent. I very much regret from your life, but about career choices the most. The main question now is: is all that awaits me in life is constant self-hatred and chronic depression? In the worst episodes of depression I often have thoughts about that, maybe you shouldn’t torture yourself and with life you can always end at any moment. If I hadn’t believed in God and was not afraid to hurt your loved ones, you probably at least tried to do it. I know that your advice is unlikely to be practical and something will change, but still want to ask. With great respect, your constant reader!

The answer

Hello, dear, who has lived more than a quarter century one. Thank you for the kind words, but this help — the whole point of our existence. Although, as I see it, you need not really help, you just have to convince. I understand you perfectly. There are moments when you know your future appointment when it seems that this craft is designed specifically for you, and all around obviously. But it often turns out that we just interesting knowledge from this area, we were just curious to look at it from the outside, but when you start to engage in «business of life», get involved in a routine, then realize in horror that you are not interested. You can call it «syndrome of the teacher of history», when in love herodotou science boys, eagerly postulirovana all handbooks, monographs, notice with horror that to learn and to be boring, futile and unprofitable.

That medicine the same way. Trust me, you would have gone mad during the endless training. It’s not as fun as it sounds, and it is not easy. Do you want to look at the corpses — go to the wipers. And then what? To work doctor? To each his own, but not to the same degree. Believe me, the hardships of the government health worker, associated with constant reforms, changes, audits, goofy patients whose roundnose head normally refuse to accept the information, make a craft of a doctor is very tedious. A good salary, until you make a name for yourself, will not. Such things could inspire hatred of any work, even if you are a rock star.Let’s return to our example story: to read and study history — it’s cool and fun to get the extra knowledge, and to deal with it — the wrong decision in life. It is likely that you have a similar case, and seized you, not the craft itself, and its mysterious veil. Medicine is really very interesting, and any knowledge of this area are not in vain. Here, see how you helped psychology textbook, you are actually already became his doctor. So admire it, but don’t overstep. Most likely, you medicine became a distraction, enliven your boring life, and nothing more you don’t. What you live, except his admiration and hated work? It reminds young, deprived of male attention girls, who are 16 years of age write their fanfiction, get positive feedback from friends who dreams of becoming a great writer. Although to write this banal wily miscarriage their causes burning fire of growth hormone and the dream of the big, but pure love — that is, things in no way connected either with the love of literature, or even grafomane. Most likely, you have the same syndrome. Description your life looks like this: «My life is a boring cesspool to save you can only medicine. I don’t have anything except medicine because I can and not tried». And you try to bring new colors to find additional Hobbies. Life is not limited only to work. Ambitious of you, as we have seen, is also so-so. Try sometimes to live for yourself, not for a career, you will see how void your life is filled no treatment, and most other, equally fascinating things.

In the end, before a dreamy demure, which was extreme, to score their own lack of implementation, went to work and began to write adventure novels and detectives. Wrote knowledgeably — so that readers were sure that someone wrote who faced more than once described. Now times have changed: people blog and write even a medical reading without education. Maybe you can try yourself here? Or, at worst, to try to find work interesting?

In General, remember: people grow when parted with the dream of becoming a rock star. In your case, a therapist. Stop torturing yourself like a pipe dream, just try something new, because in the world many interesting and unexpected things. Ask your question wording manygoodtips.com

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