What if the girl really wants to get married

Question

Good day, dear editors. Thank you for all that you do, the style of writing of articles and their favor!

I have at the moment a very difficult situation. I’m 21, I’m studying my last year of University as my girlfriend. And she really wants to get married immediately after graduation. But, in fact, we live separately, parents help, and work in our city, not so much. And I don’t think it’s a reasonable decision, given that I still have in the army. Please tell me how to give a girl the idea that this is an absurd idea and you need to wait?

The answer

Brother, friend, dude, buddy, we feel sorry for you, because you were in difficult situation in case if your fiancee is really insisting on getting married. But, believe ruined the lives of millions of men (and women too), you have to stand your ground. No, we are not a March against marriage as such, although the reasons for this are many. Just always have to think first and then draw, since you want to live with one woman. Such life strategy is now uncommon. Live happily, those couples who foolishly got married and now just tolerate each other? The answer, I think, can not articulate. But Russian people can endure decades, remaining absolutely unhappy. Bad quality, which justified all sorts of «do it all».

Unfortunately, your rational arguments, which is enough (lack of work, the army, lack of housing) are unable to solve the problem. And moving in together, to live together, when you have no backup plan in the field of Finance, and indeed a Foundation under your feet, wildest stupid. Well, the two of you will live in a rented apartment with the money the parents half a year, then what? Work, judging from the crisis, no longer be, and the marriage bond is unlikely to contribute to career growth.

And, indeed, the situation is complicated. It is unlikely your friend listens to the voice of reason, but recommend you to try again, because the other options we have is almost gone. Only this time try to see in the near future, for his life and her life. Your girl needs some confidence in you, and you’re still in the army dump, so she panics, trying to fix the relationship by marriage. So make a plan for the next five years, which will be painted thoughts about career, personal growth, relationships with a friend. Oblongus the whole thing, because you have almost the rig, and dreams I guess. Squeeze all the writings into several paragraphs that will solve the main problems that prevent it to you to go to the epic wedding: how to find money, where to live, what should I do? Any more thorough in this matter and in the end explain it all to her friend. Do not persuade her, do not ask to wait, and just put before the fact that you have to plan everything in advance, resorting to rationalism, and rationalism will never be on the side of early marriages, although they have their advantages.

But be prepared for the fact that the issue of marriage is a parasite in your relationship, which is almost impossible to eradicate. However, the complexity primarily depends on your perception. What is the meaning of such relations, how they differ from real feelings, love, affection? Well issued you a piece of paper reported to the state – what has changed? For many people, and I am no exception, this can only harm relations. Add in the sense of market share and external interference, limit himself and his girlfriend. But, of course, for many people the word «marriage» has sacred meaning, and do with it anything, except what you can try to press their feelings so firmly stand your ground.

And finally we recommend you the direction of your actions, that the girlfriend finally retreated:

1. Show her that you can rely on. If there’s any problem, solve it, often help turn the shoulder when necessary. Corny, but even a simple help, support adds you points.

2. You’re a part of her life, and therefore, will it not go away from you. Try to explain to a friend that you don’t need the papers that show is not about feelings, but about the transfer of these feelings in the hands of the state.

3. A wedding is, of course, well, romantic and beautiful, but not in the case if you have no home, no job, no money for colorful wedding journey. The atmosphere is all about, and without it, everything will be grey formality. If she wants what we see in Hollywood movies, it would have to wait. Let them know it.

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