Verbal diarrhea: when to share feelings enough
For this post I was prompted one commentator in the article about what not to say to a woman. I thought that trust is always a good thing. It would be strange that I have expressed against this definitely a good thing. Another thing is to pour the person next bucket various information, which can play a cruel joke with you. We all know that sharing experiences and intimate with the people around is a normal thing that will make us closer. But is it really? Can’t attack the credibility of loved ones only to worsen our relationship? Really, dude, how else could. The other person is always the other person, as close as it was. On the one hand, we must respect its right to peaceful sleep, and on the other hand, not to turn it into a safe for storage of deeply personal things.
Often a fit of confidence happens at the person or from the realization that there is a congenial person, or knowing that finally someone will listen, or from a selfish desire to share with another person the pain, anxiety and distress, use it as a dump. Not to say that this trust, it is… the use of another person to fill the lack of communication. To share with people experiences need look, no one opposes. But the measure also would be nice to know.
Oh, first date… It’s that time, when in the sudden impulse of sincerity to Express in person what you didn’t want someone to say, especially someone that you don’t so long and know so well. On a first date, sometimes it seems that this girl is very kind, understanding and wonderful, so her and I want to pour everything that has accumulated in your soul. She wants to complain about your ex, past relationships, lack of affection, to the head-bastard, lack of livelihood, expensive movie tickets and three days of constipation. Of course, I’m exaggerating, but some individuals managed on a first date to tell how they have poured over the school building for prom. Then of course, they wondered why the girl’s not eager to communicate with them.
Once during the honeymoon period, one of my old friend (I really hope he never reads, but the example is true to life, and I can’t not allow) almost with tears in her eyes, dumped the girl a ton of questions tormented him. He told about all his failed relationships, he complained that he could not choose the girls, gave her the details that he could not find a place in the world and generally believed that is a loser. After this «Dating» the girl never even met him and even calls are not answered. Do not blame her, obviously, she was afraid that now she has blamed not be as the former and have a very great knowledge about his past. In addition, it is believed that she did not like to be the sounding Board for the guy or she felt that she can be put in the friend zone.
When we meet a man on the first date, often we do not know or know well enough. It is rare when it happens the best friend with whom you went through fire and water, puke together someone else’s apartment and know everything about each other. Often this is the person to whom we feel sympathy. It is impossible to Express all your worries and fears because you’re with him still not at the level of trust. Share one’s innermost sense when you have more or less serious relations and in the course of the past each other.
It is NOT necessary to feed the girl detailed stories about their past, past relationships and other things in paint and dirty details. Now they only deter. Although this could lure, but they are rare and, frankly, the interest in life is almost a stranger seems odd to me.
Why not dump her on yourself? Do you still not understand? So you’re showing the person all their shortcomings. Let the man himself find them, and not hear about them from your mouth. Don’t tell her that your parents ruined your potential and treated you like shit. Don’t tell me that all your relationships ended very badly. Do not talk about your worries and experiences! On a first date and even in the next six months, when you are looking at each other and don’t even know how serious your relationship, you shouldn’t know!
People are easily scared. We all have sad stories, some unfinished business, irrational fears, and horrible flaws. Let them see the best features of us before we open them.
Even in a relationship it is not always necessary to tell all. I’m not talking about when a man goes to the left, and the wife stoically endures it because she is feminine wise. In fact, it is the same sort of relationship is wrong. I say that there are those things that are not even worth talking about the one you have it seriously. And hear the answer too. The most obvious is that sometimes some knowledge is useless and can only lead to additional cause for concern. All depends on the person. Somebody normally refers to the fact that the girl had a lot of boys before him, and someone might say that she’s a whore and throw her immediately. Someone can memorize that number and this fact will definitely pop up somewhere in the dispute. Here you need to focus on the situation. In any case, the question of previous relationships it is very slippery. Personally, I think it makes sense to talk about a serious previous relationship, cohabitation, for example, the presence of children, because nobody likes if they pop up suddenly in your life like shit in the hole.
Other things need to rely on the identity of the person nearby. Someone willing to listen, and someone will run away from you away when he finds out something bad from your childhood.