Typical mistakes of unhappy couples
Friends are constantly surprised by our relationship with a friend. Sometimes I even feel awkward about it, like I’m some fool. But I’m not stupid: we just happy and we get well with each other, so I’m not complaining and, in their opinion, spending too much time on their relationship. Personally, I don’t agree with it.
All amazed that we are constantly in the process of communication: going to work — texting. Work on the job — communicate on Skype. Going home — texting. Home do everything together. Free time spend together: ride bikes, throw a ball, go shopping. And that’s fine, man. The way it should be. I can see the reason for our quiet life that we do not make ludicrous and annoying mistakes that people make when they are in a relationship. Check — maybe it was just that.
1. You are too busy to just be there for each other
The best gift you can give your loved one — to be near him. Give him your full presence. Listen to it to understand and appreciate this time. If you are close, but one buried in the computer and the other says something, it does not. Impossible to communicate, to talk, to compromise, when people truly are not next to each other.
To feel the presence with the one you love, you just need to sit as you want and talk. Or just sit and practice Zen. Anything not to think and just be near. Try it, and soon it will become a natural thing. Then when you need to talk about something serious, it will give you much easier: you will listen to each other and ourselves and say exactly what you mean.
Just be next to each other. All the attention paid to her friend. Let her see that you’re interested. Let her see that you are listening.
2. To take advantages of each other as the default option
The secret to a healthy and long lasting relationship is not how many days, months or weeks along you are, and how much you love each other every day. Express your love with words and actions. It seems a trifle, but we are always so busy, that we forget to say nice words, to lend a helping hand or just smile and say «thank you.» And all that matters.
Relationships can last a lifetime only when people want it and they work on it. Every night tell your girlfriend you love her and prove it every day. These actions need not be extravagant — just sincere.
In addition, it is very important to recognize and appreciate small victories to each other. Before you go to bed, discuss what you had for that day — even if it’s small things. Discuss and be happy for each other. Focus on the good. What we value, automatically becomes more valuable.
3. Draw compromises
Relations are not good because they are built on the basis of mutual concessions. They require time, patience, effort, and two people who want to be together, willing to invest in a relationship all these things. If you do not agree with each other, look for a solution that will satisfy both of you — compromise which does not force anyone to completely abandon their views and desires.
Love is when happiness of another person is as important to you as your own. It’s only romance, candlelit dinners and walking on the handle is a long — term commitment, joint work. People continue to love each other not because sleep in the same bed, but because they have similar values: honesty, trust and respect.
4. The desire to prove his innocence
When it comes to an intimate relationship with someone, you don’t always have to be right: you simply do not need to worry that you are not right. Ask yourself: «does It really matter?» Often it is much better to be kind than right.
To Express their opinions freely and politely, remembering that your goal is not to make fun and not to prove that a friend is not right, because it will only bring bitterness in your relationship. Respect her opinion without condemning it and without jumping to conclusions is much more productive than insisting on being right.
Life is much easier when your goal is to be happy, not to find out who was right.
5. To hide from each other shortcomings and problems
You’re like my friend its qualities, when they show her, and you enjoy doing it. Problems and shortcomings — it is also a part of you. If you try to hide them, it will be deprived of a loved one the chance to know you completely.
No need to hide your imperfections from your partner, even if you think that too many of them, if you’re not confident and unhappy with myself. A loving person sees your flaws differently: you are interesting, and your problems prove that you’re human.
If you’re going to hide something from his girlfriend, small problems will grow to the size of an elephant and will not interfere with your relationship. If you make a mistake, it is unpleasant, but it is not necessary to conceal it. Be open, talk about problems and overcome them. Our problems only help us grow if we properly apply to them — this applies to both individuals and couples.
6. Attempts to equalize apologize
If you do not forgive resentment, and revenge for her, it does not benefit the relationship. If you’re in pain, don’t need to act, trying to cause even more pain. No need to fight fire with fire. No wedges, dude, bridges, not walls. Do for love. Do what will help you overcome difficulties.
If the friend made a mistake that hurt you, just forgive. Without this long and healthy relationship will not work.
If you don’t forgive a friend because of her weakness, forgive because you are strong enough to recognize that people can make mistakes. Forgiveness is the refusal to feel the pain from what causes it to you. This does not mean that you have forgotten everything. This means that you don’t want to suffer and cause suffering.
Good relationships require work. They will not be maintained in good condition by themselves. Relationships are only good if both people are trying and share with each other what is happening in their hearts and minds. Remember: all couples experience UPS and downs, all fighting, as it should be.