This stunning former: why do we think so?
Not so long ago to us in the comments knocked one dude, who claimed that love is the essence of shit. He once loved a girl who broke his heart, he cannot forget her for some time and terrible suffering. The usual story. When hormonal explosion first date fizzles, we are aware of the strengths and weaknesses of our second half, but the first can close your eyes, because have enormous sympathy for this man. When a relationship ends, when is the next breakup period of mutual hatred, we suddenly realize that the former was just Oh*idealnoy. God, she was making pancakes, as she smiled at how cute she was squinting in the sun as you are having fun sledding last New year and how great it was making love… Damn! The woman I lost! Here is a long session of sprinkling ashes on their heads and pulling the hair from your order affected by the flagellation of hair. This period usually heralds a new relationship.
Sometimes comes to the fact that we are doing things that you may later regret: the former calling, crying and she desperately want to return. Sometimes we return, it all starts again: relationship with the rift» is very rarely viable. Sometimes we become pursuers begin to view her photos in social networks, calling her often in an attempt to support the belief that you’re both «friends,» or begin to follow her, that is already a lawsuit and the clinic.
Why are we doing this? Why after the breakup inevitably comes a time when we begin to glorify the past, to remember all the good and terribly miss the old relationship? The first reason: people do not like change. The hearts of the people demanding change, but the mind does not want them. People don’t mind cosmetic changes, but they don’t like the complete change in the situation, circle of friends, place of work and all bigger. We need to adapt, need to be active, but untrained person to do it was laziness. He wants to get back to friendly «customized» relationships.
The second reason is more complicated. First, of course, difficult and it is quite possible to write not one article, but to do so I won’t. It’s very simple: we do not remember the events of our lives in detail. Well we remember only the good. I remember when I was a child visiting a friend on my dad’s monochrome display shows the first «Prince of Persia». I got to the third level, I remember it perfectly. And here is how I broke the vase presented to mom (or kettle) right on her birthday, I do not remember, although age was almost the same. So it is with the former: in our mind emerge only good associations, and all the bad fades into the background. We remember all the cute cases of common life, we remember pleasant experiences and traits of her character. Second place can leave such a significant shoals as her disrespecting your parents and friends, bitchiness, and even infidelity. At some point we start to think that it was the best relationship in our life that such will never happen again, that this woman is our true love that we are the ones who ruined our relationship, even if she cheated on us with our best friend. Man, I passed it twice, then I grew up and became more reasonable.
It seems to us that a new relationship can help us with this problem. This is complete crap. In this state, we are thrown into the hands of the first girl who appears on the horizon. Personally, I for about a month met with a colossal fool to forget my ex. If someone says he met a silly girl, I laugh to myself, such a degree of folly, he hardly ever met in my life. Did it help? No, it didn’t help. During «relations» with a fool I still thought about my ex and often called her. A new relationship just for the sake of «forget» does not help: you start to compare your new girlfriend with your ex, be mad at her, new, innocent girl and myself. And if the girl «to replace» will be normal can also spoil the mood of a normal person.
Until we learn to understand and see the bad aspects of past relationships that led to tear, Woe to us! The gap — always a serious thing, it needs to be serious adequate reason. Just so nobody’s breaking up. If you recall the reasons for the gap, everything after that your relationship did not work, then you’ll reach some kind of enlightenment. Don’t think you will cease to idealize the former: if you learn critical thinking, you will — it’s human nature. But we’re here on this planet, just to take that silly nature to fight. When the process of idealization of the former stretches obscenely long, it’s disgusting, it prevents us to go further, it prevents us to realize that there are more deserving girls. So, man, don’t worry, not stupid, now you know the causes of their trouble.