The problem of fathers and children

manygoodtips.com_10.09.2014_aDTRMNE5kbfs6

Question:

I am 24 years old. Parents divorced long ago, but with the father and his family have a connection with.

The father’s influence on me was absolutely enormous and only recently got rid of its dictatorship. And then not until the end.

At every meeting with his father, he begins to list what I should do and what to achieve in life, who work and gives it a pretty logical arguments.

While my interests to consider he wants. He doesn’t like how I look for myself, my work, my perspectives, interests, my view of the world and all that I am not interested in «what should be».

No need to be 7 rocket scientist — I’m obviously not fit into his picture of the world and any of my objections seem to him ridiculous, absurd and actually a damn not worth. And when mind feel like a child — what a slight feeling of guilt. But quite a bit.

Don’t know what to do. He almost forcibly trying to get me on the right path». And if you do not (and I do as I want) with the judgey eyes, I’m very disappointed.

And if you poke his nose in his own failure, will hurt and will get worse.

So far the only output that I see is to move away from the father because of talking no sense.

Guys like to be?

Answer:

24 years old… you’re man, just do not understand why it is still so dependent on the opinions of the father. Although that’s what I do. The father is always the authority for any guy. Just need to be able to distinguish between respect and fear. You are no longer dependent on the father, and thank you parents for what we were born for what they’re raised, but this is your life now.

Why do you feel guilty? Because I live like you? Because you don’t live your father’s life? So, adults think themselves to be wise. But I have long understood that wisdom is the echo of your unfortunate youth, but maybe a lifetime. Out the older generation does not allow his children to live the life they want to live and it’s a vicious circle.

The damn circle can break only those parents who give the child the freedom. Freedom in the choice of profession, freedom in the choice of partner, freedom in the choice of such a path in life. It’s hard to do when you managed to make a lot of mistakes in my long life when you lived not how he wanted, and exactly how you want it when you all were chasing something. Now you want your children to do things differently «right». But it’s right for you. You’re killing your child, as well as have you ever been killed by the parents. More precisely, they kill you themselves.

You need to talk to father, not to avoid it, and pass it in your own words what I wrote above (assuming you understood what I was talking about). Yes, and you yourself understand that this is your life, you don’t have to live by someone else’s rules, even if their writes your own father. You still interfere, is there a good way to live your life and not to quarrel with his father.

I had a similar situation, but of course, not as critical as you. Just almost all his life told my parents that I live is not right and telling me what I should do. I’m the kind of person that cannot remain silent in response to criticism and reproaches and so we often in the family was a domestic scandals. I understand you and I really want to help, maybe because in my experience you will draw something useful. At first I did not indicated such serious things (as I now understand it): «don’t talk with that», «don’t do that.» But then slowly as I got older, grew the volumes of the dissatisfaction.

When it came time to choose a profession to me began to push and say that journalism sucks, you don’t need both. It was hard to fight, but I knew I didn’t want to be a million economist or a lawyer. I wanted journalism, and I forced my parents to accept it. First there was a quarrel and misunderstanding. I tried to explain calmly that gave a temporary effect. But stopped to get me just when I started to do what so many have said.

To put it simply: to prove to father that you can achieve success your way, which you know what to do with my life. Words and conversations provide a temporary effect — action. Father says that you will not become a good husband for a prostitute, so you prove him otherwise. It’s your life, not his principles.

No need to point out to him his mistakes, it hurts and you don’t achieve the desired result. You’re just a participant in the war of the generations, misunderstanding of parents and children. Remember their suffering and not do as your father. Give your children a little freedom. You have to determine your own life path, then to be responsible for the failures and setbacks, if any.

Try to go to your goal and not bend to the opinion of the father. Be thankful to him, but don’t let it you were trying to realize their unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. You are his son and in any case he will accept you, whatever you did.

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