The order of the blessed Petrosian Part 1

In honor of the international Day of Laughter, your favorite magazine has tried to objectively look at the Dukes of Russian humor and even broke them into sub-groups. Dear comics, please don’t sue us in court. Better get to work on the jokes.

Well, we’ll start with the two titans of humor that came out on another level of existence. Over them not imperiously time and the forces of nature. Only insanity and love of loyal fans.

1. Eugene


16 Sep 1945 in a far distant galaxy two-faced planet, in size superior to the Earth 3,000 times. Astrologers said that this is a bad sign. Shamans predicted the appearance of the dark Lord. And wolf messing was personally warned Stalin that a man was born who will destroy the humor on the planet.

So there was the man who created the «Distorting mirror» and the joke about locking the plant.

In fact, everyone who says bad about Maestro, he just jealous. That POPs up in Google when you are typing into the search bar your name? That’s it, now kill «Petrosyan». Whose name POPs up first, as if the devil from a snuffbox? Gecina. This is despite the fact that the name «Petrosian» is quite common among the Armenian population.

Do not blame him. It didn’t always work out with a hanger on the back and grimacing, reading jokes with «». Eugene just wants to eat, his wife Elena Stepanenko, judging by the figure, is also very likes to eat. Here the couple Petrossian and tries to keep up with the times, looking with the masses hackneyed jokes that was said at the Yalta conference. He was a very good entertainer, the legendary of Leonid Osipovich Utesov and read a pretty good early monologues Zadornov, not yet obsessed with the legends of the city of Arkaim and the «stupid Americans». And then the humor of the vaccine malfunctioned and hit right on the cerebellum. Started…

What now? Petrosyan is cash, it’s mark, it is a man-meme, human-diagnosis. «Chronic Petrosani brain» – that can eloquently point out the problem with humor? On stage he’s just an unstoppable demon, respectively jokes three years ago in the face of a grateful audience, and people going blind. In fact, the audience does not laugh, but it turns out in agony. It’s not the laughter and the Martyr’s moans. In my opinion, it’s the only logical explanation for the sounds that are coming out of the hall.

And Eugene just to revel in his success, and laughing at what was just said to them jokes. What professionalism! It would seem, Eugene, stop! Have mercy, Lord, be merciful. But no, Eugene did not stop, and starts a demonic dance, dance that is unmatched. That there plastic eroticism Jagger or shamanic dancing Morrison on acid! Look at Vaganica – here a mixture of the occult, an epileptic seizure, Eastern tales about magic shoes, where the poor danced to full impotence. All these pranks, scary sharp movements clearly intended to communicate with otherworldly power. Who calls Eugene, not quite clear. And then the final outrage – the retinue of the Archbishop.

Of course, the headliner of infernal revelry is Sam Petrosyan, but other members of the Masonic Lodge and part-time occult sect called the «Distorting mirror» is not far behind from the owner. Orgy that reigns on stage, all these weird hairy people, Karen Avanesyan, Nicolai Bandurina, Alexandra Morozova – it will look like Armageddon! Strangely dressed people climb every soul, telling bawdy jokes and old jokes and leave you to live out his life alone with his own madness. And know the uniqueness of this sect? At the time, under the black flag «Mirrors» gathered not only the most popular comedians of the country, but also the artistic Directors of the normal theatres, theatre Directors and, in General, the normal artists.

Exactly Petrosyan was released from obscurity the guru of humor, as Sergey Drobotenko and Thank Yeshchenko. You know what’s scary? I know them by name. You know what else is scarier? The fact that everyone knows Petrosian. Both adults and children, all beings in the world know who he is, what is known and condemned by crowds. It is a success! How not cool, and it is one of the symbols of the era. He joined the Russian language the magic word «Petrosani», and Russian humor has enriched the big joke: «what’s your sign? – I fish. – I’m a beer!» And every student of the 2000’s ever heard this fine poetry:

Bacillus-germs I’m sutanuti,

I got a certificate that I siboty,

And you kaneshi, girlfriends jealous.

When you’re in a mini – already seen tonsils!

Prince charming of Russian humor for many years holding a monopoly on the secondary humor. The same number of years he denies plagiarism. And we don’t care. Us long as he continued to dance and to give reasons for discussion. Live long, Yevgeny vaganovich.

2. Zadornov


When Mikhail Nikolaevich wrote every other stand-up comedian in the post-Soviet space. But then the Maestro suddenly realized that it has much clearer diction than other satirists, and began to entertain the audience as they could. And then – glory, success, alcoholism, an appeal to the people instead of Yeltsin. Yes, so absurd it was very symbolic: instead of the President, absolutely does not know his people, the country has drawn the comedian. Very symbolic. Well, then – the expulsion of the Federal channels.

Being a few years ago in Petrograd, I accidentally received a free ticket, came to his concert. The unique spirit of the Northern capital and the jokes Mikhail Nikolayevich broke my psyche. I’m not going to go on it, but fate and freebies cocked me on the side of evil, and I got to the concert, which went straight to his birthday. So, as you know, he’s no stranger to me, the more at home I have his book I accidentally found in the plane. One word, echo Zadornov haunts me. I didn’t want him to interfere in my life, but he burst in, like the vandal, and she had changed. After the concert, my mortal existence has changed into «before» and «after». The book seemed to have been cursed, and I, unwittingly, I read it in a day. How clearly smelled of dark magic, as the audience laughed. So I will describe impressions of the concert the language of the Mikhail Nikolaevich, especially because it is most full will give all the excitement and emotions experienced by me during two-hour execution. Some pieces are literal quotes, not the fancy nonsense inflamed brain of the author.

Only Russian people will go on a three-hour concert only because he has a free ticket.

– Hahahhahahh!!!

– Quietly, quietly. Right now, get ready. Hear wrong? And sit through all 3 hours, not understanding why everyone is laughing.

– Hahahahahhaha!!!

– Calmed down. Immediately see, there are. Here the Germans will not go. Pedantic Germans, they appreciate comfort, personal time. They are in a strange city will not go to the concert, even free. They will spend time. They are lazy and practical. They even have a car «Opel» it called. This, incidentally, is the old Russian word «opinionate» means to get drunk to fall off.

– Hahahahaha, Michael N., thank you!!

Pleased and the audience sitting at the concert. Just imagine, a concert Mikhail Zadornov, KZ «Oktyabirskiy», 3000 seats. Sits an old, serious-looking woman, and there’s a man drinking beer. You understand, in concert, in one of the largest halls of Russia drinking beer and detailed comments for each author said the word.

– You know, Russian man laughs and comments like no other. The Americans, they are stupid generation, they are brought up on television, they have little vocabulary. He’s fat from their fast-foods, I call them fast dead. And he sits, he loudly laughs, but says a maximum of two words. And Russian, he will comment on…

– Hahahaha!

– In the sitting room are. See, right?

– Ohohohoho!

– So, Russian man, he is still comment, so that everyone could hear. And be sure to praise. Because only the Russian soul is wide, he’s always grateful, he shares good.

Now, the woman says to him: «Young man, can You keep it down?» Know what he answered? Ready?: «No!»

– Ahahahahahahaha!

Okay, that’s not all. And it sets a completely brilliant question: «why?»

– Ahahhahahahah (hall hysterical).

– He answers it in a completely brilliant way. Hear wrong? Ready?: «Because I’m drunk».

– Ahhahahahaha (hall delight).

Zadornov at this concert was very strict, because it’s not often you meet a person so subtly gebesee power…

– You know, I our bug-eyed tadpole…

– Ahahahah!

– Well, you understand who I’m talking about, right? See that realized. I call it «kinder surprise» because…

– Ohohohohohohoh!

– Here, one can see the Russian people. Here our politicians, I call them, you know what? Paralytics.

– Ahahahah!

… and the education system.

Of our children, thereby the exam do zombies. Know how to interpret the exam? Ready? «Spruce, hyena, cumshots».

– Ahahahahhaha!

– First-grader comes to school, he is asked: «What are you afraid of?» She says: «the exam». And you know why? Right now, just a brilliant answer: «my dad told Me that if I «Yaga» with her friends will drink, he will kill me».

– Ahah!

Then followed the alleged quotes from school essays, carefully collected from different sites. Then went to the automotive industry.

I Lada cars called… get ready. Chlamydomonas. Because it is very simple.

Mikhail loves to ridicule the stage and after the quotes from songs saying something like:

Do you know why the pop star so called? Think only Russian people can understand it, because they, you know, in Pop music on stage got.

– Ahahaha!

By the way, Mikhail just in the nines zagnobili TV. Nothing surprising, if not for his odes to the Internet. Strange, because it is difficult to say that clogs the brains more. But Mikhail can do more than TV.

By the way, it is the whole concert boasted online exploits…

You know, I often write trolls. So, I Troll in response.

… and his stormy youth:

– We traveled 9 days on the train. And you know what we did? Right now, get ready. We all 9 days drank vodka.

Of course, the lion’s share of the speech was dedicated to his Russophile myths and evidence sample:

– Here ancient Greek myths. There was horse Pegasus. This is the Russian «speckled», it’s the color of the horse.

And the name of Gandhi? This ancient surname, even the Indians we have all adopted. The root is known to all: from the word «Shit», because Gandhi shat the British in India.

Or, for example, the Galapagos Islands. This area was settled by Russian. Because the name Russian from the words «Gal» and «graveyards». That is, where the Russians were the cemeteries, that is the cemetery, which built a kind of Gal.

And similar arguments. However, Zadornov is not always recalls the fact that many words have Latin or Greek root. But it doesn’t matter. He’s right. Don’t argue with him. And he you «strolled». He said so himself.

And of course:

– Americans are stupid.

— Ahahaha, Michael Nikolaevich, we love You!

And in the end he made a wheel. It really is very great for sixty-something-year-old pensioner. Because in our time the physical form of people over 60, generally alluding to the fact that they are going in the coffin, but not to enjoy the old age (which in this country is impossible in principle.)

– Only the Russian pensioner will learn in 63 years to do the wheel to confuse grandmothers in interviews.

– Ahahahaha!

Here’s a concert. That’s about these jokes. As they say, people hawala, the audience laughed, Michael rich. The quality of the humor? And God is with him.

He Gestel. Even as zestil. And this tin, and it is a mockery of life had its charm. After the concert, he went to the buffet and left the city, and I walked around the city and thought about what I just heard. And only the fight between St. Petersburg and the Caucasus major and guests of the Northern capital has taken me away from doom.

Zadornov can be viewed as anything, but to deny his talent is impossible. So, his theory of the Russian language resembles many of the ravings of a madman, but nevertheless it turned out absolutely wonderful transfer of the place of ancient Rus. Now it can be found on the main channel, because it strongly bends the line, often cruel in his statements. And as you are aware, many do not like. For sustainability honor and praise him. And fans of him have not diminished. The Internet works wonders and allows him to find followers, not pestering officials. Although it is sad that many do not understand the essence of his theory and, like blind puppies clutching his glorification of Russia», on which many scientists openly laughing. Before he was a star due to the «stupid Americans», now due to the Russification of the world.

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