The most unpleasant work colleagues
Very few people get such happiness as adequate, pleasant work colleague. Familiar, huh? Do not rejoice, your friends at work, too, think you’re the last of the asshole. If you listen to them, you are the living embodiment of all human vices, idiocy and lack of professionalism, but compared to you Bruno from the film Sacha Baron Cohen is just the epitome of masculinity and brutality.
But we both know it’s basic envy your work success, and in fact scoundrels, crooks and perverts – they, and only they! Therefore, to make it easier to navigate in the human stream of their office, classify the working class as well, once we have classified the unpleasant people in public transport. So perhaps this won’t do any good, but these creatures at least have their names. It will be useful, even if you have to my colleagues something like love.
1. Himself hero
All his work is reminiscent of the waves in the paintings of Aivazovsky. Only if these waves cause aesthetic orgasm, his work really want to grab the head. Half of the day he is in search of thoughts, foolishly wasting time in the online space, but in the end suddenly rising labor force, and in a few hours it is ready to surpass the five-year plan.
2. Creative nature
Why are they needed? Why…?
The people who decide the don’t want, doing what they are interested in and do not need the firm. If you don’t know how to waste money, hire yourself a citizen. While you wait for a composed estimate, it will choose a new arrangement of the office. And sometimes enjoys a new idea, unable to complete previous, which have managed to cool down. But believes himself to be imaginative as Lord Byron. This is the root of all evil. But still all are friendly to this idiot. In fact the person is good… Until you encounter him.
3. The prophet
People constantly premonitory behind their bosses ‘ backs quick death office. Everything is going to go to a place cozy, but the trouble that keeps him here: whether the habit, the fact that the employee of it whatsoever, but because anyone needs it. Credo is to sow panic before the deadline. Maybe the person is so easier to work?
4. The initiator
As the proverb says: «the Initiative of the initiator fuck». He has brilliant suggestions, he often offers his help, but can not cope with its responsibilities. Sometimes the manifestation of the working of the initiative turns into a disaster for him and for colleagues, resulting him in the face flying boulders just indignation. And there are those who brilliantly cope with this task, than cause widespread irritation.
5. Sad Plowman
A quiet workaholic, incredibly responsible and sickeningly required. Even in the civil war, dying of AIDS and cancer of the larynx, he will perform until the end of the task. Most importantly, does everything in silence, quietly and on time. But it is incredibly boring and dull to talk to the asshole. And most importantly, because of the terrible insecurity of not moving up the career ladder. Him so well. Taken for giving, sometimes taking the initiative. Sometimes it feels like you crossed the front line with a bullet through his knee cap by shrapnel from a tank in the belly, but still quietly doing its job until complete nervous breakdown, no one’s really complaining.
6. The Merry Fellow At
Positive thing that all the annoying excessive, sees beyond the adequacy of cheerfulness. Anal clown, humor, respectively your vibes at the wrong time, namely in the work. Comes to work to share with the world your boundless energy. And the really frustrating thing is that others laugh at his sparkling jokes, while you can not understand how you can laugh over petrosyanstvo sample of 1986. The work is done, as a rule, carelessly, not particularly demanding, and one gets the feeling that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Angry, dark, eternally disgruntled owl, neglects you and all around you. Constantly snaps and sends all in such distant places that even Fedor Konyukhov did not hear. Just for prevention, to know their place. While drinking from unwashed cups, barely has time to time, that does not prevent him to criticize everyone and everything.
But, if you add his coffee with cyanide, no one will be upset. On the contrary, the prize will.
8. The aggressor
Aggressive-progressive, aspiring to a brighter future man, or otherwise shows signs of activity. A true athlete, Komsomolets, and often in positions of power. The aggressor gradually develops into a careerist, and there are already up to walking over the bones of the fallen in unequal combat officers in the neighborhood.
Well, the worst thing is when this creation takes things into her own hands and sneaking into a massovika entertainer, arranging of fashion today, corporate trainings and other heresy for the convergence of the collective. He is really interesting because he finds it useful all the ways to achieve success.
Toady is not only the hero of the cartoon about the gummi bears. Toady is an attribute of practically any organization. Faithful servant of the chief, ready to indulge him in everything. He believes that being a squire of the king – the most prosperous business. Each time trying to curry favor with their quirky, erased in the blood of the language my boss ‘ ass, deep down hoping that this way he will attain enlightenment and improvement. Generally good, very diligent worker. Slimy enthusiasm has brought him to the big feeder, but colleagues despise him. I remember Doit Schrute from «the Office», but it was simply impossible to hate.
Expert in world Affairs, a brilliant programmer, compiler of fine lyrics, a connoisseur of everything that is the dude dudet, guitar igrets and generally kapets. Loves to give advice and to teach you good sense. If any of the offered ways didn’t work, then nothing can be done. Blame a technique/masons/Americans/superiors/colleagues/you, but not him. Trying to speak first, to once again prove their expertise. And even if what he said is a basic heresy, it will still stand proud as Napoleon at Waterloo. He lost the battle but not the war!
«I worked in a very prestigious new York advertising Agency, has collaborated with Bugatti, Columbia Pictures, and I have a lot of experience, so advertising these fertilizers will do for my script.» But it is not clear why the guys from big agencies and companies, with vast experience are in Tambov, SP Chernysh doing all heresy like the organization of children’s parties?
12. Venetian conspirator
Venetian conspirator that hovers around the office, like a shadow of communism, and clears the way of competitors, weave plots and intrigues against him objectionable or unpleasant colleagues and spread bad rumors about comrades if not more effective than Goebbels ‘ propaganda. Knows how to be pleasing so much so that sometimes even just do not tell his evil intent. But most importantly, remember that we are not friends.
13. One good guy
Your friend, which is almost as good as you, but falls short. Even if he is better, but only in a particular area. The most appropriate guy in the «village». Your escape to the hated leper colony under the name of «work.» Eternal Sancho Panza in your labor feats. You and him like Roger Murdock and Martin Riggs from «Lethal weapon.» two of us against idiocy.
14. Good guy
Of course, it’s you. You always underestimate, but you know that the firm collapsed because of you. The mind, honor and conscience of the company and the most appropriate person. I wonder why in your honor have not built the altar in the area where you sacrifice an abnormal clients?
15. A liar and a parasite
Tired of life, shrouded in the load of problems and eternal «valid reasons», he will always find a way to shirk responsibility and to explain why the work is not completed on time. Always says that everything is done, just need to put a few finishing touches», although it turns out that in the field of tasks even the horse is not lying. He seems to be talented, but slows down the whole workflow. The best way to solve a problem is to approach and tell him to his face: «get out! Can’t do anything!»
That’s what the man?! It seems to be a good worker, diligent, even Latin knows, but the Desk is littered with crumbs of food, and it emits a smell, as from a medieval peasant. The blend of flavors of dirt, sweat and any other heresy permeates the whole office, in the literal sense of killing outright, and the dirt under the fingernails and the number of stains on clothing, as PIP: the bigger they are, the longer he works here.
If we lost someone, you are, as always, dude, add in the comments.