Stop trying to coddle their children
When I look even in my generation (not to mention those who just graduated from high school), I sometimes fear for the future of society. I’m not kidding. Look at us: people are becoming less flexible, more ignorant, we have no idea how to survive in this world. Our society is full of spineless men and women, literally howling from despair every time they can’t get what you want. It seems to us that we should always surround comfort. And who’s to blame? Our parents.
It and is clear: parents want to surround their children with attention and care, they want their children in no known needs. Often in this quest they frankly behind the curve, and their descendants become spoiled and dependent — and what do they do when they fly from the nest into the big world?
To your children not to grow up helpless and weak, here are a few things to keep in mind in their upbringing.
1. Give them some independence
This is so typical of today: parents worried about their children («the Dukes full circle!») and therefore, a step does not release them from itself. «Walk in front of the house» «don’t walk in the yard», and even to the school to deliver, and even after school meet. It is clear that you care about their children, but how did they learn independence?
Enhanced culture of care is imposed on us through the media. We constantly hear that somewhere stole a baby, that somewhere else happened such a crime, and we begin to feel that the world outside our apartment is incredibly harsh and hostile. However, if you remember that just a couple of years ago pedophilia was not in trend, something becomes clear, namely the media needs a hot topic. They sell information, they determine the agenda. If you never wanted to talk about something, does not mean that it was not. If you hear about something just now, it does not mean that it appeared only now. According to the newspaper Newsweek,
Child abduction is extremely rare, literally one in a million chance that you will kidnap the child of a stranger. 90% of sexual assaults are carried out by those whom the child knows. Today threatening to children danger, moral and physical, is lower than 25 years ago. According to studies, between 1980 and 2003, the mortality rate among children aged 5 to 14 years has decreased by 44% among teenagers 15 to 19 years — 32%.
Not keep their children under lock and key, no need to set them outside only under the condition that they will be in sight. So you inhibit their development and sense of independence. Teach your children to just stay out of trouble and strangers, and then let go to ride my bike, visit with the neighbors and walk to school.
2. Let them do risky things
Remember yourself in childhood. Maybe you liked to climb trees, to ride on a bungee and dive? But to sit on the bench did not like. This is normal: doing more or less dangerous things, children check the ability of your body, understand the limits beyond which you cannot go. Dude, what do you think about the current playgrounds? As they do to have fun? Society has gone so far in their quest to protect children from any hazards that they even have the ability to play normally. Look at those short plastic slides-spiral, worthless swing-chairs to themselves, and not to shake. How to get pleasure from such reinsurance. These new standards supermetabolic protect children first and foremost not from injuries, but from life itself. Parents did not seem to understand that when they put their children under a glass dome, it makes them even more vulnerable. Some things — for example, security can only be learned through trial and error. If children do not learn to behave in a situation where they can get hurt, it is likely that without these useful skills they will be exposed to more often.
3. Don’t try to become their best friend
Many parents think this is a good way of education, but in fact is a fundamental error. Parents like to think they are the best friends of their children, because they are nice to be in a relationship with their children. In fact, parents want to be best friends of their children because they are afraid not to like their offspring. However, to be a father not to participate in the popularity contest. To be a real father means that you set the rules, and often your kids does not like the rules. This procedure can sometimes cause pain to children or you — in the near term — however it is useful for the future good of your children. Children do not need a friend in your face, they need a home. Deep down they want someone to set the rules and have structured their lives. They need a leader. Best friend level, but parents aren’t. If you still insist to be a better friend to your child, in the end, the situation will force you to give up this role and show who is boss to get them to respect themselves. But it may be too late, and your advice will be neglected — as the best friend’s advice.
4. No need to constantly be on their side
My mom works in an elementary school. In her class there was one girl who was misbehaving: being rude to teachers, rushed, arguing with children. In the end the parents of this girl were called to the school. And here her mother came in upset and began to Lisp with my daughter: «Poor, you’re tired, you’re tortured, let’s go to the store and buy you something.»
Of course, what do you think about your child, but do not be offended when it is criticized. Teachers and friends, as a rule, there is no secret motive to tell a story to your child and complaining about his bad behavior. As outsiders they can notice what had not rushed you in the eye, and this can be a very important thing. The child needs to earn your trust, just as all other people. No need to automatically take his side in any conflict.
5. Let them deserve what they get
What do you think about teenagers who are now eighteen? Many of them are normal guys who had promise, but they have one problem. These dudes take for granted all the cool and beautiful things they have. They are not used to strain to get all kinds of good, these guys do not even think that their parents had to work day and night so they could, for example, uchitsya to the University. And these people will go through life expecting that they everywhere will roll different kinds of domestic nishtyaki.
If the children have no responsibilities at an early age, they are more difficult to train to work when they grow up. Not loading your child, you’re doing him a disservice. The same thing you do and buy him every little thing that is just going to take him in the head. Of course, I understand that sometimes it is easier to buy him something for a hundred rubles, so he finally calmed down, but what a lesson it will give the small dude? If it is enough to ponet, then get whatever you want. Nothing good about it.
If you encourage your child done work some reward, he learns not only to perform different useful things, but to appreciate the work (including others), as well as to handle money, be responsible and show initiative.
In the early XX century, children worked 60 hours a week in the factories. This shows us that children are quite able to handle complex and demanding tasks if you want (dude, do not think that we do not allude to that). Now they don’t have to work as adults, but vacuum-they are able to.
6. Don’t praise them for everything
What’s the point of rewards if it gets every? What is the meaning of praise, if praise for everything? If the child is praised with or without cause, then the praise loses its value. Every parent believes that his child is special, and it is natural. But if you’re constantly praising your child, it will only weaken it. If the child is praised for everything, it’s a signal that he doesn’t deserve any of the praise that it’s just a natural thing for which and do not need to strain. This state of Affairs deprives children of passion, and they grow up believing that they can do all of and while well. Therefore they undertake any work, then dump her, and go to culinary school, get a degree in philosophy, and then what good space and wants to go.
The reality is that each of us something good, and what is, unfortunately, no. If you praise kids for everything, then it’s harder for them to decide in life and to understand what their true talents and abilities. Instead of praising children for what is not clear, concentrate on concrete achievements: for example, «You have done me», and «How well did you write a math test».