Stop living for the sake of female approval
To admit that unfunny joke, unpleasant. Have you ever met a dude that painless could it be done? You know he’s not funny, and all around know it too. But he continues to joke his jokes are bad, but all tolerate it. In the end, it usually no harm.
Now the question. How many men can admit that they live for the sake of female approval? You’ve seen these? When men become older, when they suffered enough, they can afford to admit it and begin to change. And your dudes? Sometimes the naked eye can see that some of them really pissed me of any desire for approval. And you? What do you say about yourself? Is it possible that the thirst for approval made you do things that you aren’t? Are you ready to admit this and to finally grow up?
First, let’s define what we mean by the word «approval» when talking about relationships with women. The approval is when it allows you to act. Approval is when she admits that might be you… maybe. Approval is when you start to do what she wants to see. In other words, of the need for approval you begin to please women — sometimes to its detriment.
When you get rid of this constant desire to please, would you be happier in your own skin, will be more respect for others and yourself will enjoy greater respect, you’ll be nicer to build a relationship, you’ll be a better example to their children and just the person she wants to see you.
How did it start?
Where does this desire to win women’s approval? Basically, all this happens to the emotional, psychological reasons related to our relationship. These seeds were probably planted in us long ago, in the deep childhood.
The house parents taught you even more than you might realize. You learned what it means to be a man and how to behave. Do you know who these women are, and understand what constitutes a marriage or a relationship with them. It’s like mom and dad, or mom and stepdad or dad and stepmom, or… well, anything.
You learned how to treat women. You learned how to get what you feel you need. You learned to organize the chaos, to avoid crises, to calm, to cope with the pain. You learned to be what he is now, back then, in childhood.
What you exactly saw, and what lessons received? How were you influenced by your father or his absence in your life? What have you learned about how a man behaves with a woman? If you’re still looking for women’s approval, it is likely that this lesson gave you a father. He acted thus or exactly the opposite. In this case, you might want to differ from him not to repeat his mistakes, not to be for his wife a source of unhappiness. You learned to survive, to avoid pain. That’s right. You did it. But now your behavior is to harm you my circumstances have changed, you need to change a habitual pattern of behavior.
You became a man. You’re afraid of conflict. It is impossible that you made her upset. You’ll do anything to please her, so she has always been good. Does this sound familiar?
An inconvenient truth
How do you protect yourself from her dissatisfaction? You are constantly throwing trial balloons, trying to figure out, don’t upset it your idea, your offer, your gesture. You’re correct to say or not to do what I can to provoke it. You spend an incredible amount of time and expend a lot of energy worrying about what she will feel and how to react. You rationalisierung, you compromise, you always think she meant, keep my distance, not talking about their true feelings and anxiety. If you already became a father, caution: this behavior, you can instill in his sons.
Now let’s look back. When you first met her, it seemed that there is no problem. You fell in love with each other. It was easy to resolve any differences. In the end, you’re the wizard deny everything. And then life was really good.
Then everything started to change. Or is it different? You began to feel less happy, more likely to be annoyed, disappointed. You rarely agreed to meet with their dudes. Why? To please her. Now they think you’re a pussy. They don’t respect you anymore, you lost self-respect. Besides, you feel lonely, angry and blame her.
What to do now
Reasonable question. How to change your behavior through the years? You probably already thought about it. But you can’t think how you could improve your relationship with her. In the end, you know her and her character. Nothing will change. And that’s not true. When you change, everything will change. If she wants to be with you, when you become to others? Too early to tell. But if you want to be happy, confident, successful, proud of yourself, if you want to be a good husband, father, and husband, do you have any other choice?
I’ll give you some points. Something you realize when you change yourself. This process can be very exciting, but I’ll tell you one thing: many turned to change, although they used to be just like you.
Those who constantly pleases others, don’t like risk. For some, risk means something extraordinary, like skydiving. People who like to please others, parachuting may seem like a walk in the Park if you compare it with a serious conversation with my wife on the subject of raising children. Or, for example, book a table at the restaurant where you wanted to go and not to worry, she will approve of your choice.
Create a new context
Have you ever been in the society is very self-confident man? As soon as he walks into the room, you immediately feel it. Notice everything. The energy that comes from it, is very large, it can not go unnoticed. Surrounding unconsciously respond to this energy.
When you’re constantly trying to please, you emanate a certain energy. And the surrounding similarly react to it. That’s why you often even have no time to vote: you’re too busy fulfilling the whim of the people who look at you as a person who needs to fulfill their needs. So for you it is critical to consciously choose a new path.
The new context? As soon as you enter the room, start the discussion; business plan; date. Imagine that above you, illuminated sign type «a confident person», which sees the whole world. It can see all the people who meet you. That’s your mantra, this is your essence, you want to be in every moment of his life.
Let’s say a friend asked you to buy something for dinner. You searched-searched and couldn’t find the same products. So you bought something. You go home and think, «I Hope she won’t get mad». The new context? «Dinner will be delicious. I love you.» Hear the difference? This attitude will change everything about you. You will go home with a different mood, you’re otherwise hand her the purchase, otherwise you will respond to criticism and spend the whole evening in a very different mood. Do not bury your head in the sand — stand tall proudly. Don’t worry, that did not please her, is not fatal.
Even if she was upset, it is very important to maintain the context. Your new attitude will change and her reaction to you. Depending on the duration of your relationship, it will take different amounts of time. Many will see changes very soon. There are many women, who are desperately waiting for their men will show themselves in a new way. You’d be surprised that she will even be pleased with you!
Don’t do it alone
To successfully change your behavior, you need friendly support. It can be your friend or even several. Support will help you not to go out of its way. You have a goal, and if you can’t reach, you need someone to kick your ass. If you want to give up the same.
You will ask yourself in the process of change. It will not be easy. Get ready to go to success, not defeat.
The full picture
We were discussing your desire for female approval. However, this question concerns not only women, but your behavior in General. You too much care about what others think of you, even strangers. You love to please everyone. Don’t you agree? Take your time, analyze their behavior at work, in family, with friends. You really always make the choice? Or you just got used to it and forgot what your own desires?
When you will change and stop looking for the approval of his girlfriend, you will notice how different other areas of our lives. And it’s not even that you’re there to insult someone. No need to be rude to stop to please everyone, but some may tell you that you ruined. They’re selfish. This was to be expected. Of course, it is convenient that you always are guided to their opinions and desires. Such people you don’t need.
And finally, remember: it is not necessary to ask permission to become what you want.