Stop being a nice guy — learn to be a tough dude
If you are one of the cute dudes are always moving away from the conflict, this column is for you. People don’t appreciate your softness and I think that’s an excuse for you to neglect? Your friends and colleagues see you as a peacemaker, who always smoothes the rough edges? They think you’re one of those who will not rock the boat? You never say «no»? Perhaps today is a good day to change that.
Think about how you usually react when you just stand there in the queue, and someone will climb ahead of you. Or when someone comes to the bar later while you are patiently waiting for the attention of the bartender, manages to order a drink. You might say that such things don’t bother you, but it’s probably just a way to save face. Admit such things openly resent them — even if they mean almost nothing — it’s still stress and stress is bad for the body and mental equilibrium.
Or do you always get to do what nobody did not want to do — for example, to rest, to collect all the money on booze for a party or something like that. On the one hand, it’s nice and responsibly. And on the other they just try to put on your shoulders what you want to do. And how are things at work? If you want to occupy a high position, of course, you should be able to work in a team, but to have the ability to make their own decisions. To fluctuate enough — take responsibility!
Nice to be known as a good guy, but if this image is created by your confidence, your health, career plans, interpersonal relationships, you probably need to change something. About this we have today will be discussed. You can change the behavior — and people will change their attitude towards you. Here are some tips on how to stop being the person you all enjoy.
Realize your goal
Maybe you don’t like it when you don’t count, but you’re so accustomed to, I don’t even know how to change, where to start. Work on a more rigid attitude towards others, which will allow you to regain control over your rights and give people to understand that you can not wipe his feet.
You probably want to see you have started to respect and no longer take advantage of you.
Want to change people’s attitude to you and show that you are not weak, but confident and assertive.
To increase their confidence and self-esteem.
Situate yourself in your decision
Now you realize your goals — it’s time to implement them. For this you need to follow these seven simple steps.
1. Learn to Express your opinion
Listen to your instincts. When something is bothering you, when something makes you feel uncomfortable, immediately tell me about it. Such behavior need to learn. If you missed the chance to do it right, think about how to say about this later in a personal conversation.
For example, explain to the colleague that you don’t like urgent deadlines, which inform you at the last moment. Tell your girlfriend that you don’t like it when she tells everyone at the table about the details of sexual life. You need to clarify these points. Discuss these issues calmly, without accusations, and you will reduce the stress and finally change how you are perceived by others.
2. Enough to agree
They do not try, you cannot please everyone. When you always care about the feelings of others and do not want to offend anyone, this may be contrary to your own desires. If something is bothering you — go back to step 1.
If your friend always arranges scandals at the slightest provocation, and to calm her, you just apologize and agree with her, maybe she is just tired of this state of Affairs as you are. Maybe she continues to pick on you so you took a certain position, though on some issue! Defend an opinion, Express it and say «no» at least sometimes. If she wants to keep your relationship, she will respect that much more than a limp acceptance of everyone.
3. Learn to distinguish a situation in which you do not need to take the fight
It is not necessary to practice your newly acquired perseverance, when you go with a crazy driver — you run the risk of becoming a victim of the usual driving anger. Do not rush to say «no» to my bosses: you can ruin his career. With caution talk to mentally unstable people. In other cases, rather to hide from the conflict — you need to take the fight. If you have differences don’t let them. Time to talk about the little things that irritate you that they did not grow into a consuming problem.
4. Start small
Easier to practice hard behavior to strangers, because family and friends expect you first, the usual conflict-free, affectionate, incomprehensible behavior. Learn to manage your skills and then apply them to loved ones. Overcome their reluctance to think about their own needs in acute situations. If the doctor prescribes you the elephant a bunch of tests, ask, and all they need. No need to come to terms with a difficult diagnosis and fears, anticipating the worst scenario. Stop giving money to a beggar who is constantly on duty at your porch as you can? Just look him in the eye and wished them good day without feeling guilty.
5. Be hard
Usually during the acute situations you try to maintain a balance, not to Express themselves, behave consistently. Instead, let me clearly understand what you want, expect and what you actually need. You do not scream like a crazy person — you’re just setting a new example for his behavior, and people may be unarmed, because they never expect it. If they try to persuade you, remembering that you are weak, do not give in to this emotional blackmail. If you don’t Express your thoughts and desires, the people in the end do not understand something do not.
6. Be persistent
You will not change in one day. You have to constantly remind yourself that you’re working on yourself, you decided to change. The people from your environment will probably notice that you suddenly began to behave differently. In the end, you’re a long thought about it — just not voiced those thoughts. Don’t let the confusion of others to embarrass yourself, don’t swerve out of the way. If your girlfriend is constantly late and you’re tired of always waiting for her, let her know that she needs to respect your time and how to plan your. Remember that you are not only changing themselves but also teach people how to treat themselves in new ways. It’s not always easy, but focus on the profit that is waiting for you — because it’s worth it.
7. Change your environment
And here is the most radical way to change the circle of communication, break bad relationship or find a new job. If you can’t earn respect in one place, because you have already formed an opinion, that’s no good: people just can’t deal with new information, they do not have the brains to rethink the changes may not be only with you. When you meet new people, from the beginning to behave accordingly. Now you know the difference between a nice guy and a wimp, and you’ll build relationships with new people differently.
Nice guy for no reason
If you constantly put up with the dismissive attitude, nobody will take you seriously. You can still be a caring husband, interesting friend, an interested participant of events, a good worker, but will simply cease to be weak. Just remember that you deserve to appreciated and not used. If you do not appreciate, you are worthy of pity. Practise and you will soon find that you will feel better to Express your feelings, you will become more confident at work and in personal life. Don’t be surprised if people will start you to overestimate — they might even be happy that you stopped being a wimp.