Seeking a woman, he will not find
If you have some time alone, it is only natural that you want to change and build with someone relations. Slightly less obvious is the fact that the desire can be an obstacle to them. Let’s for a moment think. This thesis concerns cases where you think the relationship will fix your problem. Let’s say you’ve been single for a few months or years or, conversely, rush into a new relationship, as soon as the old one, and never let yourself be alone even for a little while. Anyway, the problem here is one: alone you’re not happy.
Not to be happy alone is quite natural — at least so it seems at first glance. I’ll try to prove you why it’s actually wrong, and explain how this view not only gives you happiness, but also deprives you of the ability to start a new relationship and to make sure that they lasted a long time. In short, if you hate to be alone or think that the relationship is a panacea for all problems, you’re probably going to be alone for much longer than you are planning, and strong relationship you are difficult.
What’s wrong with the desire relationship?
In itself, the desire is no bad thing, especially these days, when finding a life partner become the main story line almost all the TV shows and movies. Pop culture constantly sends us the message that it is better to be in a pair than without it; a couple people happier; that is a sign of success, another achievement along with the high-paying job and their own housing. And here begins the problem: to find a girl is no longer your personal choice and not an event that happens to everyone at different times. Now the singles are considered by us as losers who are not able to have a relationship.
If you are disappointed by yourself and consider yourself a loser because you don’t have a girlfriend, you are also exposed to the hysteria. I bet you’ve been thinking that a new relationship will fix your problems and make you to look differently at life, and when you have something not going well on the love front, you’re exaggerating his failures, and they seem to you almost a disaster? All this gives rise to unavailing self-criticism and self-blame. Think about it: you let a neutral fact of lack in your life relationships make you unhappy.
Why this desire does not allow you to start a new relationship
The problem turns into a vicious circle, because such a view of things is doomed to failure, all your attempts to find a girlfriend. It is your mood that makes you eke out a lonely existence to be miserable and to practice self-criticism. To understand why, think about one simple word: «despair.» If you believe that finding a girl is one of the most important things in your life, people see it, because you literally radiate despair. You’re the guy who rushes to the first girl and tries to impress her. You just seem to teem with irony, making fun of his loneliness, or even avoid the topic of relationships. The friendliness from the girls you perceive as the token and start it hard to care and show interest in her. Perhaps all of this happens unconsciously, but if you understand and realize these actions, do you think that others do not notice them. Bad news, friend: even as notice. Worst of all, the girls you’re trying to flirt, I notice more other, and them, this behavior is not like that. They don’t want to be your life-saving straw you’re grasping, because I can’t find anything better. It hurts them, and so your chances with them are next to zero.
What will happen to us?
Let’s say you’re lucky or you’re slightly better concealed his despair. Maybe you’re such a good guy that a friend of yours decided to cure you from your grief. This is not a guarantee that the problem is solved. You need to see the relationship continued, but it is not so easy. The main reason for the difficulties is that your desperation has made you selfish. You began a relationship not because you liked spending time with his girlfriend, but because you just wanted a relationship. And they will continue. For your relationship is that you can get. Your girlfriend should always be there when you want it, but you’re not in a hurry to run to her at her first call. In the end, when you dreamed about the relationship, you probably thought that you too will have something to do with her and to come to terms with something in it. So you’re not ready for it requests and faults, although expect that it will be ready for yours.
To the unevenness of the relations can not be built. You can’t just think about yourself; think about what you can give to your woman that you can give each other. If you want a friend, that will completely fit in with your current life, you are in for an unpleasant surprise: it has its own life, which you will also have to fit in.
So what’s the secret?
Unfortunately, the only solution is to be alone and to stop worrying about. The point is not to put on a cross and to abandon the idea of having a relationship. Learn to get pleasure from their society, rejoice in itself and to itself. The best way to start a relationship between two people who are happy with their lives and want to share it with someone else. Need to you want to be together and not have been forced.
Being happy alone does not mean narcissistic to admire its nature. The recognition of their own shortcomings is an important part of the process and work on improving yourself, this recognition will give you the necessary confidence. Very important this moment: you need to work on yourself not for women, but because you’re nice to look better and be able to do something. To rise above itself it is necessary for yourself, not because you want to find a girlfriend. Bad press is not what gives you find a couple: most women don’t care if they treat you fine. However, if a good press will only add to your confidence, then what is the point?
Give yourself the time to discover their interests and find a hobby. Chat with friends, not rushing to the first girl. When you’re just having fun without a second thought, people are much more pleasant to be around you. And you know what? If you find that communicate with a cute girl and enjoy it, without having to scroll in the head of the strategy and its conquest, know that she too enjoys your conversation.
It is paradoxical but true: to find a girlfriend, you have to stop to worry about it. You must not want of solitude, just learn to be alone with yourself and stop thinking that you urgently need a girlfriend. And then she will be.