Loss and grief: how to survive the death of a loved one
We all have someone to lose. Maybe someone of you had to live with the loss and it is hard. No matter how focused you are, it will always be like snow on the head. You’ll get a lot of feelings: from anger to depression.
Unfortunately, we all have to face it, and our culture does us to not prepare. In cinema and advertising everything is constantly young and healthy as if you live forever: contemporary culture prefers to ignore the fact of human mortality. So when a loved one dies, many men do not realize that they have to go through and how they are affected by grief.
How is grief
Studies show that in loss men have stronger mood changes than women, and grief has a stronger impact on men’s health. However, we do not associate the usual manifestations of grief: crying, depression, hopelessness — with a male behavior. Men experience all the same, just less show. Men’s grief differs from women’s: it combines typical and atypical symptoms grief, and so men tribulation more unique. What are its manifestations?
Anger: often it is directed at someone or something that seems to us to be the cause of loss and sometimes to ourselves or of anything in particular.
Irritability: the man in the mountain loses his temper easily, is irritated, it reacts violently even to minor events.
Care: the sorrowful men avoid social contact, experience emotional alienation from others, and barely emoting.
Thinking: constant thoughts of the deceased or of death in General.
Alcohol abuse: in the mountain men are trying to cope with a problem with alcohol or drugs.
It is typically male ways to Express grief, which manifest or all together or in various combinations. Some men are confused because they feel like «enough mourning» or «grieving wrong,» knowing someone else is puzzled about his strange behavior. Men see that they do not understand, do not realize what the cause of those reactions which they manifest. However, all experience grief in different ways, and any manifestation of grief is normal.
The duration of the tribulation period also varies from person to person. According to statistics, on average, it lasts two months, during which people must overcome serious problems. However, recent scientific research suggests that grief can last a lot longer: men can show faint signs of melancholy and in a year, and even several years after the loss. It is important to remember this and not to worry, that «by this time I already had to cope with the loss.»
The intensity of grief is also all different. Studies have shown that some men experience grief less intensively for a shorter time, and someone gets sadder and longer. Strange: the intensity of symptoms does not correspond with what the relationship was my husband with the deceased person. Men who have had a difficult relationship with their deceased wives and parents, I miss even stronger and longer than those who had good relations with deceased loved ones.
How to cope with grief
Now, when we talked, how does mountain men, the question arose, what to do with it. Most men deal with grief in the same way as with all other challenges: controlling emotions and relying on the strength of his character. So men do not particularly like to talk about their feelings during this period. Even if they dare to show emotions, it has no effect on the strength and depth of grief, however, and suppress any thoughts about the loss will not help either. According to studies the most effectively cope with the loss of people who have found a balance between overcoming loss and moving toward the future.
Since men are naturally inclined to planning and problem solving, the second part of recovery after a loss is usually better. Often this restoration even becomes for them a question of identity and courage, and is a natural stage of coping.
While everybody deals with loss differently, there are things that are common to all and where possible to give advice that is suitable for all.
Advice to those who are experiencing loss
Sadness in their own way. If you don’t hurt yourself and others, you can be sad as you get it: there is no template that says you have to live with the loss. Grief is all, and what you’re going through it, can be a strange and unexpected for you and others. Allow yourself to genuinely show emotions is the first step to emotional recovery.
Give yourself some time. Often, after the loss of a loved one, the men begin to keep myself busy and meetings, while others are waiting, that they immediately begin to care for and support them. No one wants to fall out of life, but you have to give yourself time to get in shape.
Don’t hurt anybody. Anger when losing is fine, but we need to manage it, not to cause harm to others. Also in the mountain men often start to abuse alcohol. With them, too, need to be careful.
Call the friends. Other men, especially those who have experienced loss, can provide you strong support.
Know where to seek help. The majority of men believes that able to cope with difficulties without qualified help, however, if you think about suicide or about hurting yourself, if you feel that you cannot overcome the sadness for anything, except alcohol, we’ve got to run.
How to help someone who is experiencing the loss
Stay close. Just knowing that someone was there, already helps a grieving person. Even if you think it’s needless to say, tell me once again that you’ll help him in any minute.
Listen. People in grief may not want to talk about their feelings. However, if they choose, be willing to listen to them. The less you say yourself, the better. Avoid giving advice or solve the problem, if you do not ask.
Let the man to mourn in peace. Do not set the schedule for the manifestation of boredom and don’t force the person to Express emotions in a certain way.
Be attentive to yourself. To see a friend in grief is difficult. Try to be in shape so he can count on you.