It was the best sex of my life
In the world of sex, besides the act, there is a huge number of formulaic phrases designed to throw dust in the eyes. But today we want to break the veils with this unfair sexual lies! You said it yourself. You heard it from a friend. The time has come for us to dismantle your flight from takeoff to landing.
1. «It was the best sex of my life»
…well, for the last two hours.
If your girlfriend is hot like hell hell, it is likely that sex with her would indeed be the best in your life. But for many of us the fact of sex with a friend, not a hand – already sufficient reason to call him the best.
2. «We must meet again»
«Of course, dear! Sure! For example, when we become one of the few survivors of the Apocalypse. You’ll have to guard the door, and I steal canned food from an abandoned grocery store. Although… even then, please don’t look at me. Pass by.»
3. «I’m allergic to latex»
«Yes, it is. Just a crazy allergic to condoms! You know, when in a matter of minutes, inflated the head and between the toes appears scaly leathery membrane. And graying of the left eyebrow and right nipple disappears…
And in fact, this contraceptive simply leads to the numbness of my stuff and the loss of any sensitivity. And I prefer the risk of creating a disaster offspring and the emergence of an STD than use one of them.»
4. «It’s okay, honey, it’s not a marathon.»
Most likely, after a quick and promising start that was the finish line after 13 seconds, the girl will want to cheer you up. Hiding his embarrassment and frustration, she says something like: «I think sex becomes boring if it lasts too long.»
Perhaps he may become such after four or five hours of hard fucking, but we can assure everyone that sex is still really cool, except for three-minute speeches.
5. «It’s a good size»
… or «size doesn’t matter». To hear from girls is equivalent to the statement that she would not be able to find your dick even interplanetary telescope and tweezers. The word «good» hiding her disappointment, but not to such an extent that she forgot about politeness and good manners. «Good» = «Novosedly». And if so, you need to learn the other bed talents to perfection to minor flaws no one paid attention.
6. «I just need a second hop in the bathroom»
Do you think it makes you a strange surprise? Want to rinse with water heated face and thereby a little «refreshing»? Most likely, she needs to get a swab, brush my teeth, shave my legs or bikini area. Don’t expect it earlier than in 10-15 minutes.
7. «I have my boyfriend open relationship»
In that moment, when your cock is ready to experience the ecstasy of penetration, she will say with bated breath: «I Have a boyfriend». Thrown a bomb of truth will stop the process, and your indignant «What!?» you will get the answer: «Everything is fine. We have an open relationship». And copulation is restored. And the residue will remain. Dude, try what is called for to clarify such things. Don’t complicate your life.
8. «Come on me, I tell you»
Be sure that this kind of sexual charity towards her genitals will lead you to the expected finale: it will bed in sweet exhaustion, and you’re sad to masturbate under her gentle snoring.
She feels nothing. Seemed to be paralyzed from the waist down due to a terrible accident. And even if she recovered after years of therapy, the sex reminded her of those times when she was unable to feel anything. The only request that should be taken literally.