In difficult times to support a close person

Question

Dear BD! I’m with you not so long ago, but you helped me get out of the pit of insecurity and mistrust, has shown what it means to be a husband, friend and just a good man. I continue to draw wisdom to you and secretly hope you will become a real printed edition. It would be so nice to keep such a wonderful source of wisdom and the guide to the world of women and leisure at hand. I write the first time and with a big question that haunts me. In difficult times to support a loved one word? How not to say something stupid, what to say and when to remain silent? You know, it is impossible to give an exhaustive answer, because the problem can be any of: severed foot bears little lady to the death of a loved one, but I believe you can help his word to many dudes and their girlfriends. Thank you, success and happiness, dudes!

P. S. Seriously, think about how to publish.

The answer

Hi, our friend and reader! All editors thank you for your kind words. And about the print version, well, you know what they say: the will of the Creator. On the other hand, I don’t remember the last time I picked up the printed magazine. Perhaps, from a year ago, when underneath us was the editorship of one business publication. Otherwise read only in electronic format, particularly in terms of science, literature, and other. And it’s probably time, is very much realities have changed from the «printing of the century». Even logical collection of articles and essays to produce, and not periodicals. But this is just my thoughts and we are distracted from what is most important – your question.

And that’s what we’ll tell you. That would not say the cynics (perhaps we can call it that), but each person is a separate universe, which operates in accordance with their orders, shall be governed by its rules and has its own painful places. And the larger the problem, the more clearly everything is displayed. Explain with an example. For example, my friend is now the grandfather standing with one foot in the grave. Joy here does not, of course, but the guy’s life is on track, and it refers to a situation with a fair amount of black humor. I so relate to these things because I can’t stand all these comfort out of place. Death is a natural process, and like normal people lived. And the problem is in each of us, why bother to waste time on regrets? Of course, not all people are so opposed to this: a whine into my pillow for days, weeks, months, especially when the loss is really serious. And here inappropriate joke will cost you decades built relationships. That’s how people differ, and it’s weird.

Therefore, to begin to determine the personality of your boyfriend/girlfriend. Remember how people reacted to events, that is considered necessary and what is not. Thus you can cut a lot of words that will lead to disastrous consequences.

Well, the instrumentation «calm» is not so wide as it seems.

The most useful technique you is silence. Especially true when we are talking about the tragedy. Let the person feel the loss. Such is necessary for everyone. Stay close, but do not interfere with the free flight of thought «suffers». In difficult times, sometimes it’s best just to be there without words. Don’t start the conversation, your interlocutor will determine when and on what topic it is better to start. And there already just be careful and keep the conversation going in a constructive way.

There is another strategy. Let’s call it «distract attention». Extremely useful if your friend, for example, kills about any problem. You just translate the conversation to another topic. The situation is not so important, it can fail the interview, littered with exam and stuff. When her «rage» subsides, we can talk about how to solve the problem. But don’t try to reduce everything to rationality during the violence of hormones, hatred or resentment. People in General hate it when you climb with their advice, sometimes obvious, especially emotional moments.

And finally, take the person some business. I’m serious. This makes a lot of sense, is clear, for example, any owner of the vessel, which was in the stifling grip of the storm. The team panics, people don’t know what to do, begin to make mistakes. If the captain is experienced, it is mandatory to give each crew member some «important» job. And it can be quite meaningless, but nevertheless this strategy is on the minds of alarmists, and they can thus relax, to recover, to pull myself together.

If life is like «storm», then you should do the same. It is one of the best cures for stress is to occupy yourself with something. And talk, of course, will go away from the problem and will only cover the things that you do at the moment. So use this recipe on to your friends, they will thank you in the end.

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