How to survive the death of the father

how to survive the death of the fatherLong as I can remember, dad has always been an example for me. Even for those who are growing up without a father, his influence is great in the sense that it is easy to notice when her husband’s mother raised alone. Therefore, the father’s death — a great sorrow and a great pain for any man. It is a great sorrow. For many the loss of loss. This grief is unlike any other, and understand it can only be a man who lost his father. From this event it is difficult to recover. It contains several heavy aspects.

Vulnerability

When father dies, we often lose even more than dear person. We sincerely can’t understand why the world has not stopped after this tragic event. Sons very hard going through the death of his father, and when the world does not share this grief, it makes them feel lonely, cut off from the world that does not understand them. Many men feel like an orphan, despite the fact that their mother is alive because they feel the universe alone. This feeling of vulnerability due to the fact that for many of us the father is the symbol of stability and arranged order. We always know that we can count on the father in any situation: he can help, he will give advice, even when the whole world turns away from us. When father is gone the son does not know who to turn to for help; he feels scared and vulnerable. This is true even for men who have had a bad relationship with his father. So, the father could not be the protector and provider, but we still feel the loneliness, somewhere in the subconscious we believe that the father could still fix them.

The awareness of death

Our culture prefers to ignore the fact of human mortality, avoided this topic. However, when a person loses his father, he could no longer ignore the fact of the finiteness of human life; he clearly understands that we all will die one day. This awareness can concern us at any moment when we are faced with death, and especially strongly it is manifested on the death of his father. All because many men see the father as a part of himself; a part of them dies with the father. The son knows that he never (at least during the life of sure) will not see his father, and when he dies, it will simply be the end. Many may argue that death is an objective fact, why the loss of a specific person makes it so terrible? The problem is the illusion of control. We men used to think that we control our own destiny, that we’re in charge. In many cases, the way it is, but death is a special case: here we can’t dispose of. We lose the illusion of control, she does not have enough space in our lives: no matter how well we knew how to control himself and solve problems, we can’t resurrect his father from the dead. So the son is grieving not only about the father but about the understanding of his own impotence, which he had acquired.

No one else to listen to us

We’ve learned that dad was always there. He saw all of our accomplishments, he helped, he encouraged, gave advice. My son is doing for the sake of parental approval, and her father was one of the few people for the sake of someone’s approval is to strain. We are proud to bring home and show the diary to the father, this dynamic can also be seen in adulthood: we brag about their achievements at University, at work, in the family. When the father dies, no one else to tell about it. There is no one to listen to us. For sons, who themselves are already parents, it’s sad because they can’t tell you about the progress of their children, proud grandfather, they can’t ask for advice about parenting. We lack a father at any moment, when we need advice or sympathy. For a man who was never especially close with his father, this loss was felt much earlier, long before his father’s death: he tried to earn his approval. And now, with his death, this loss is doubled, the son realizes that he can never show his father what he’s capable of.

To take on a new role

For many men legacy means not primarily property and liability. Regardless of age, after his father’s death, men feel suddenly and strongly matured. The death of his father leaves the family vacuum, and the children feel now that they need to perform the paternal role, to act in his place. This is especially true if the father was the head and protector of the family. The sons feel pressure, they fear not to cope with this problem. If the mother is still alive, the son will focus on caring for her. And because of this he will grow, and the family together, the family will become closer to each other, in order to establish life in a new environment. However, not always happens so. The opposite can happen: other family members will resist the request of the son to assume the role of head of the family; brothers and sisters may even fight for that role. In the worst case the death of a father can lead to the complete disintegration of the family: he kept them together, and now there’s no one else to do it. For men, the life which the father did not play an important role, one thought on to take his place, sounds scary. They do not want to perform his or her duties; on the contrary: they want to change things, not to be in the future as a father.

Long shadow

When the boy grows, he learns from his father different skills and life lessons. He quickly realizes that it is better to do as a father, because he knows more, he has more experience, and disobedience usually turns worse for you. Sons need the approval of the parents and live for praise. This desire parental approval and suffering from disapproval and evolve into adulthood and continues even after the death of his father. Sons often feel the presence of the father, doing what the father taught them; to visit the places which previously been with his father; I use their stuff. For many men such memories mean the relationship with his father even after his death. However, sons can be hard to do something different than the father: it is as if they feel his disapproval. They often ask themselves the question: «Dad was proud of me?» The long shadow of his father affects our life, even after his death.

Paternal inheritance

When a man misses his father, he necessarily passes through a phase of making his father’s inheritance. We often look at the life of his father and grandfather, to assess how their views and values affect us. Some sons look back on the character and values of his father with admiration and desire to follow them in your own life. Others look around and see the guilt, mistakes, failures — all the things they would like to avoid. Typically, we are looking for some good quality, which could embody in your own life. For the son, who himself has become a father, analysis of parental inheritance is particularly important: he feels the Central link by which the past is sealed with a future — one day he will give this inheritance to their children. For many men the death of his father serves as an impetus to strengthen relations with their own children, they have stronger desire to be the pride of their children.

It’s not that practical guidance on how to behave in the event of the death of his father. There are no instructions. This post aims to show all aspects and stages of adoption of this grief; to show how difficult it is to cope with it. To heal the wounds of only time. One thing is clear: after his father’s death comes the desire to live a life so that people could call you a worthy son of your father so you could proudly could say about it. In making this grief is important for two things. First, you need to fight. This may seem strange, but through all that grief only to fight with him. It will strengthen you. Second, we need to talk about it. In grief need support. Be strong and stay strong, friend.

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