How to overcome yourself

manygoodtips.com_6.04.2016_GPLtStFY3LXlD

Question

Hi guys! I would like to ask for your help in solving my domestic problems. For a very long time I was tormented by traits that are predominant in me. I’m modest, shy, silent, uncertain, vulnerable and uninteresting people. Because of all this, does not work normally to communicate and exist in this world. Can’t meet new people or to do something, because simply shy. I practically have no one to talk to. If I start to chat, then literally 5 seconds to realize that it can’t hold a conversation. And when addressed to begin to say unpleasant things, to raise your voice or make fun, I blush and don’t know what to say, keeping a grudge. But in childhood, around 12 years old, I wasn’t (if there was, it was not on the same scale). Could just walk up to someone and calmly talk to him without experiencing serious problems in communication. But why did I become a completely different person, I don’t know. Maybe you know the answer to this question and tell me how I change?

The answer

Hi, you, our dear reader. We, the editors do not do psychotherapy, but I always try to help. Try to understand your problem. It oppresses you, and it only gets worse. Here such optimism.

First of all I want to say that it is not surprising that in 12 years you weren’t. Good age, really. You seem to be already beginning to understand something, but in the head to beat you for it, no one will. Then begins a brutal pressure in Russian schools. I think he is quite viable in our schools. Be the first enemies you come in first conflicts, often those who are unable to turn in your favor and you are independent. Facing reality takes everyone in different ways. Someone is trying to fit in, begins to play second fiddle. Someone rebelling to the last, and if the guy does not break down, he goes out of school walls is much better suited to life than others. Well, you’re in the third category. You are the person who can adapt would not, however, the problem is not solved, because he stuck his head in the sand. Where are all the fears? Where there is uncertainty? Just since childhood. Moreover, a traumatic event can be so insignificant that one wonders how it could play with your life a cruel joke.

But we can not always live under the yoke of childish fears. It would be crazy, which gnaw’d the nerves day by day until, until you wouldn’t have one shell with nothing inside. To live in fear, especially when that fear relates to such everyday things as ordinary communication. But how to deal with it, if his roots went deep so far? Will not be a revelation for us that you spend a lot of time in the company of his artificial friends: books, computer games, comics, anything! Companies you avoid, because, roughly speaking, afraid to get under the cap. The dangers are numerous, but to hide from them is impossible.

So, how to change? Many parents sent their children to sports clubs so they can safely continue to communicate in the company of men. Want your son wasn’t a faggot? Send it to Boxing, although there is always the chance that he will become an idiot. But in your case the entry in any sports section (best combat) would be a great option. Consecrate this at least a few hours a week. First, it will be difficult to establish communication within the section, and learn will be afraid, but gradually you get used to it, and will add a bit of confidence. You know, we’re all animals, though, and call ourselves people. Afraid of everything: losing a job, family, money. But above all we are afraid of physical violence, and if you can learn to control the underlying fear, then with the other shit to deal will be easier.

Will continue to speak words of captain. If you want safely and without any discomfort to communicate, you need more to go on contact. The first time it is always and everywhere to start the conversation. This creates the illusion that you’re in control of the conversation. You ask, you ask a question and you respond. If you speak, pay attention, – you yourself are putting yourself in the position of protection. Coupled with your compression you just begin to recede. So take the initiative into their own hands.

Be sure to go to public places. Where can I find some source. We often recommend you to attend lectures, which are open in almost every city. As a rule, you can communicate with the lecturer. The trick is that you have to be a topic for discussion the topic of the lecture), and therefore no longer have many fears, which revolve around uncertainty. If people talked about magical realism in literature, and questions should match the theme. There will be a few dozen people, but this is enough to experience the kind of stress that you will benefit.

Okay, you don’t love self, but love football. What’s stopping you to go to the pub, drink beer and watch the fun in the game? Discuss it with fans, share your opinions, stay in a foreign company. Don’t like football, but love the painting? Go to the exhibition, talk to local ladies about deep conceptualism smeared the canvas with paint stains.

Need to communicate not because it is expected of you. You need to communicate because you will get the necessary experience, favor, and even someday enjoy the process. We are social creatures, for a full of life communication is necessary. The struggle with himself a little, but here the choice is yours: either you’re getting from each wound harder, or rage and decrease in size, like a slug, which is sprinkled with salt. How to change? Put your personality test. In your case they are completely harmless and not life threatening, but freedom for them as necessary.

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