How to deal with her emotional baggage
Unless you married your first love (it happens sometimes), the older you get, the more relationships you have remains behind. And not only you, but women with whom you again and again to start Dating. Increases not only the number of past relationships, but their seriousness and importance. With former we start to combine important things that cannot be ignored: common animals, common friends, the joint place of residence, marriage, and even children.
Not until you face it, it is difficult to assess the complexity is not first in your life relationships. I agree, frustrating when your girlfriend casually mentions about her ex, even though it is illogical: it is long gone in her life, he turned to history and in no way can hinder you.
At school the former do not provide any values not a serious relationship and rarely last longer than a month. When into adulthood, attitude to foreign ex-change. My girlfriend met with her ex for FIVE YEARS and when I learned this, I was like a brick hit on the head. You know, the illogical behavior, but, man, FIVE YEARS! Some not in principle could live in a marriage! I have the earlier relations were too long and important to me. And it’s the usual story. And all the same as we are!
How can it be that the past does not prevent you to live? How to stop to worry about the former and finally to lighten up? Now we will tell you everything.
1. Start with a clean slate
In any relationship, especially in the long, and even if people lived together, accumulate things. Just rubbish. It always happens and it’s normal order of life. Different furniture purchased together, appliances — all must disappear together with the previous relations. What about personal things? If you have clothes your ex, or let him take them, or resign themselves to the fact that they will go in the trash. Imagine what would happen if a friend finds somewhere in the depths of the wardrobe women’s shoes, which she did not belong? There will be trouble, bullfighting and the removal of the body. So no stranger to women’s shit.
If you find something related to her past relationship, can of course ask, but do not misbehave and can’t make it urgent to get rid of things. I now have «Doctor Faustus» by Thomas Mann in the original, given to me by my ex. Of course, on the flyleaf is written, from whom I received this book and what the occasion is. And I’m not going to lose that valuable to me edition only because my friend it can be a bother. Anyway, you get: personal belongings of the former no place in your home, and books and other such gifts may still remain. It is impossible to pretend that you both have never had other relationships: this childish behaviour.
2. Know just what you need, not more
Will always pop up questions about the former: by themselves or just in passing, that relate to the topic of conversation and come to mind out of nowhere, taken from the ceiling. This is natural, especially in the early stages of a new relationship. Ask only what you need to know, but be careful when asking questions. First ask yourself, are you ready to know the answer. Do you really want to know why they broke up who was to blame, where’d it go? Not necessary. It has nothing to do with you. Do not overdo it. Don’t fall asleep with the issues. Do not look on the Internet. You don’t need it. It is an unhealthy interest.
3. Don’t compare!
No its with your ex or herself the one who was your friend before. Any thoughts that «you’re not her type», any hints that your ex something worked better or worse. Compare taboo. Of course, if she asks you about your ex, you know what to do. To say that she is not your girlfriend any comparison that your current girl is better, smarter, prettier, cooks better and jokes funnier. She just needs the confidence that you are pleased with her and your relationship, and she wants to hear only praise yourself. And God forbid you to build the eyes and sincerely to remember something. It’s too much.
4. Remember, you have Luggage
You must have pictures with the former in social networks and gifts from them, which, like the book example above, you don’t want to throw away. Have you and your ex have mutual friends, you from time to time go to the same café. So you have shared memories, in the end. This applies to your past. All your ex have the former not just. A simple idea, but if you remember it, you will be easier to deal with emotional baggage your friend. If it is once someone left, she had a reason. Means that did not suit her, and her to you at the moment happy with everything. It’s cool, this should be happy.
Whatever your past, now you are together. Your relationship is valuable in and of themselves, although your past and are worthy of respect: without it you would not people they are now. You can’t ignore the past, but to live in it too.