How to apologize like men
«I’m sorry». Two simple words that are so difficult to pronounce. We just tell them on trifling occasions, turning to the stranger, who accidentally pushed on the street, or when you step on someone’s foot in the bus. However, when to apologize is really important, we just don’t find the right words. The inability to apologize can ruin our relationship any from home to work. Learn how to apologize: this is truly a masculine trait.
Why we do not apologize
Pride. For men to apologize hard because it demands the recognition of guilt. It’s hard to admit that you screwed up. That you were wrong. The game takes pride.
Embarrassment. If we royally screwed up doing something really stupid, what should ask first, and only then to do about it at all, hard to say. We feel like idiots and baboutmore, would love to pretend that we never happened.
Anger. If someone needs to apologize, it’s usually not entirely his fault. He said something offensive, but he likely said something offensive. Sometimes anger obscures our eyes, and we are so angry at the person for the offense, I don’t want to apologize.
The antidote to all those feelings? Humility. The cause of all these feelings that we don’t look at ourselves. For yourself you are always right, and it is clear to you as day. But it is wrong. We are all human beings. We all screw up sometimes. And you have to accept that you are imperfect; it’s life. Real men remember it.
When you need to apologize
Even when it’s not your fault. There is a breed of dudes who are not sorry if they are 100% not guilty of anything. «But it’s not my fault!», they yelled in righteous anger. It’s not his fault that threw an important document, because no one warned that it is important. It’s not his fault that I hurt my friend because she didn’t have to listen to his conversations with friends.
However, there are almost no situations when you blame someone one. If your friend lost his temper and said unpleasant things to you (as it seems, for no reason), it’s not because she’s a shrew. You just worked all week and not spending time with her.
Even if the percentage of fault apportioned as 99/1, you still need to work on yourself and realize what your percentage is. Not worth it to live every day as if you are constantly in court and bring proof that you’re innocent. Not so important, you’re right, it is important how strong and beautiful your relationships with others. You’ve traded in your relationship on the right? Would you want to insult someone to be right? Of course, it’s nice to think you have one done, but only at first. Your innocence won’t keep you warm in the winter night.
No need to apologize for something you’re not to blame, but you can find things — no problem small — in which you could Express themselves better. As soon as you apologize for these little things, this will start a chain reaction, and your interlocutor will think about their own mistakes. Don’t let pride be overcome.
Even if you haven’t been caught. You had as a child that you broke something and then run away in the hope that the breakage or not notice, or not to fall on you? That’s right, in childhood do. A person can admit their mistakes and their wrong and can apologize for them.
Quickly. Apologize as soon as possible what you someone insulted or offended. The longer you wait, the more you both have time to think about why the other is wrong, and the harder it is to make the first move. And the situation becomes increasingly awkward.
When no need to apologize
For their opinion. If you have offended someone, standing up for your beliefs, but not observing the rules of decency and becoming personal, you proved yourself an asshole and should apologize. However, if you spoke respectfully and convincingly, defending his position, and the person offended by you just because you don’t share his opinions, you don’t have to apologize. No need to apologize for what you think is right.
When not met someone’s expectations. For example, such history. Friend is waiting for from the guy that he will obey the slightest wish and to be with her around the clock. When he does so, it is, of course, is having a quarrel. It’s not sensitivity, it’s selfish.
For everything. There are those guys, they apologize for everything: for the way they look, that generally not to blame and that no one is to blame for any flaws that no one notices until they are about them is not mentioned. He apologizes and asks for forgiveness. All already anyway, and he still apologizes. Apologizing is totally not manly, people cease to take you seriously.
How to apologize
Write, if you can’t say. Sometimes pride or embarrassment will not allow us to apologize. Best of all, of course, to apologize in person, but if you’re not able to do it, it is better to write the apology that did not apologize at all. Sometimes a letter or note is the best way of conversation for so you can Express your feelings without the risk of being captured by the emotions and to bring the quarrel to a new level.
Make a joke if appropriate. Irony can relieve stress and make you both laugh. Notice that I said if it is appropriate. If you cheated on your girlfriend, there is no place for jokes.
Be sincere. This is the main rule of how to apologize. An insincere apology is worse than a lack of them. At first the man was hurt you, and then upset by his hypocrisy. As your interlocutor will understand that the apology is insincere? You’re going to talk about repentance, giving no signs of such. Or stupid apology in the spirit that you’re sorry that someone is still offended or angry. Shove your apology are far away.
Take some responsibility. Never, never make any reservations when I apologize. It may have a negative impact on important relationships. No need for any «but». Don’t say: «I’m Sorry, I’m sorry, but…» the Man takes full responsibility for their actions.
Show that you understand what was wrong, and realize the magnitude of the inflicted injuries. Your interlocutor should know that you understand the seriousness of the situation that you’re thinking that you understood what was wrong that you realize all the consequences of their actions. No one wants to hear an apology from the person who has no idea what’s sorry, doing this just because he needs to apologize.
Offer to repair the damage. This is another key part of the apology. Every time offer any way to fix it. Of course, this is not always possible. If you broke the heirloom vase, you can’t just go to the store and buy a new one. But if something can be improved in material terms, not ustranyatsya from this problem.
Objasalsa to improve. Notice I say «obasuyi» and not «promise». Someone can say that you will never repeat the mistake, if you really repented of it, but people are imperfect and it is difficult to talk about such patterns. Yeah, I’m really sorry that I snapped at someone, but I can’t guarantee that even if I try very hard, this will not happen again. If you promise someone that it won’t happen, you risk to make a promise that you will not be able to keep. If this happens, the offended will be offended doubly, throwing blame you: «You promised!» There are things that you can one hundred percent be sure that you will not repeat them, and if you’re absolutely certain promise. Objasalsa to work on myself so that it never happens again. Promise me you’ll try very hard to avoid this — it’s a promise.
Prove your repentance with action. Words mean little if they disagree with the action. When you apologized, no need to constantly repeat: «I’m sorry». Just behave to show that you really have repented.
Move on. After you sincerely apologised, no need to apologize again. If you’re too much to apologize, the victim might think that it should be, and it will be better for a while. But in the long run it can destroy relationships. If you’re going to apologize every time, this will put you at a disadvantage: you’re always to blame and the other person is always right. Deep down you will cease to respect regardless of whether your apology is accepted or not. If your apology will be accepted, no need to talk about it. If your excuses don’t want to accept it, means that people do not believe in your relationship or that he has a problem.