His Holiness sinful

The papacy – it is, of course, sacred, but tainted by many sinful Asses. It would seem that the vicar of God on earth must be infallible. But alas, the history shows otherwise. At all times the papal tiara managed to get on his godly head any immoral element. The Vatican, shaken by scandals of pedophilia and homosexuality, it clearly does not play the hand. So, before the Pope was first and foremost a politician, and then a priest. And where there is politics, always scheming. Almost every Pope disgraced the Holy office. But there were those who went, to put it mildly, very far away. And it’s not Benedict, who as a child was forced to be a member of the «Hitler youth», and not Pius XII, who did not dare to argue with Hitler and condemn the Nazi atrocities. There are guys worse. And not just the guys, by the way. But about all under the order.

By the way, we in any case do not want to offend the Catholics. We respect all religions. So don’t be offended. You’re not offended by «evrotur», although Scott Thomas was a wonderful dad.

Stephen VI

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There are dads who became famous due to their love Affairs. There are those who went down in history excessive cruelty. And there are those who are surprised by the extreme idiocy, like Stephen VI. He ruled only one year, but this year had angered the heavens and to demonstrate how to deal with the corpses. In his book he wrote that is particularly sweet revenge after death. Apparently, this explains his actions.

The fact that Stefan seemed that his predecessor, Pope Formosa (many was the computer) very offended. But whether cowardice, it is natural idiocy is not given Stefan the opportunity to take revenge for life. So he decided to mock his corpse. Corpse for 9 months was eaten of worms and not bothering anyone, and then received an order to exhume the body, dress it in a solemn papal garments and tried for all crimes possible, from homosexuality to Satanism.

The trial itself was pretty extravagant. Sitting half-decayed corpse in Pontifical robes, and Vice versa – the current Pontiff foaming at the mouth in delirium pushes more and more charges. Directly the trial of a zombie Apocalypse. Maybe it was a big surprise for Stefan, but the bodies not able to talk. So instead, he said the damn thing does not understand the clerk, is forced to make excuses for the stinking corpse. When I went to absurd accusations, he tried to hint, saying: «Stesha, calm down. Can’t breathe in here, it stinks worse than the unwashed company of Saracen. He died long ago, and he’s definitely not my fault that Jon snow killed (just so you understand the absurdity of the charges). In the end, Stefan said that the title of the Pope Formosa was withdrawn, and commanded to cut off the corpse of those same three fingers which give the blessing. In the end, unhappy body was reburied with the prestigious papal crypt in the cemetery for foreigners.

But not so with the corpses. God sees everything, and sent to Rome the punishment of heaven, and an earthquake shook the ancient city! By the way, fell graceful papal Basilica. Stefan, apparently, thought it was the Formosa causes zombie Apocalypse, and continued the mockery of a corpse. It dug up and thrown into the river, that his soul found no rest, and no body was interred. But according to some sources, a few sympathetic people caught it and properly buried, as befits good Christian in this way to lose your body.

What the result of all this? The people realized that their father’s an idiot, and supporters of the good and innocent life of Formosa, angry how shameless and cowardly did to the innocent body, grabbed Stefan and locked in prison, where he was later found strangled.

Moral: if you’re really stupid, the Vatican or foot!

John XII

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One of the most interesting popes in the history of the papacy. This charming young man (nee Octavian Tuscola) came to the papal throne either 18, or 25 years. Why so early? Thanks to an influential family. After all, he is the last Pope of the period of pornocracy – the next depressive period. As you can see, the root of the word chosen for a reason. Means «rule of the whores» – the so-called Theodore and Moroiu, wife, and, respectively, the daughter of a Roman Consul and comita of teopilakte of Tusculum, who for 60 years had catastrophically high and adverse impact on the papal throne. It is that women from the family of the Consul was considered to be complete with prostitutes. Sorry, but otherwise will not say. So they put all these 60 years on the throne of St. Peter with their lovers and relatives. Our Vanya, by the way, was the grandson of Moroii, and his father – an influential Roman patrician. In General, the Holy see, Ivan was only because enterprising dad took a promise from the Roman nobles that they would not mind if the good guy will sit on the throne.

But to return directly to the main character, of which even the impious citizens called «the devil incarnate». I must say, all in the grandmother went to the guy! You say: Borgia, Borgia… by the way, Ivan is still considered the most immoral Pope of all time! It won’t surpass! And what famous? And that fucked everything I could to catch up, and did not hesitate to do this right in the Church. Some have argued that when playing dice, he cried out to Jupiter, Venus and other idols, although the vicar of God worthless to RUB shoulders with depraved pagan idols. Although, judging by how much Ivan was drinking, his favorite God was Bacchus. At feasts, toasts were raised to the health of Satan, and then in the list of charges sported the inscription: «Drink with Satan». Was ordained to the stables, which was enraged by all good Christians. But his error was political legalnotices. At the time he was crowned a mighty Emperor Otto. He helped Ivan to regain land lost in wars with the petty kings, but on arrival in Rome was struck by the fall of the papal court. He strongly urged the silly dad, they say: «Your Honor, it’s time to have a conscience, you’re still the Pope, and not the owner of the brothel. Appetites like something died». John is tired, he tried to put together a coalition against is too righteous monarch, but that is not enough time, or brain, as a result, it was that Otto lacks power. However, then again regained the throne, but about 27 years died suddenly from a stroke in bed with a married woman. He lived like a rock star, and died like a real rock star, at 27. And such a wonderful death in the beautiful surroundings. Gary Moore endorses. Legend has it that John died from the fact that Satan «banged his head», which is a medieval metaphor for a stroke.

In fact, it is not necessary so categorically accuse the young of the Pope. The guy who got too much power, just couldn’t avoid all pleasures that have suddenly become available. The glorious son of Alberich, and thus became a victim of his own unbridled passion. His youth, the greatness of his father, the tragic contradictions of his position are forced to be favorable to him.

But nevertheless its misbehavior in the years ahead trashed the reputation of the papacy. It is believed that Prince Vladimir, looking at all this mess, I thought, «to hell with them, this Catholicism,» and began to demolish the wooden idols under the Orthodox flag.

John XXIII

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In the world – a brave pirate Balthasar Cossa. One of the most illustrative examples of how from the incarnation of Satan to be God’s representative on earth.

The family of Balthazar before his birth, numbered as many as 40 tribes. Earlier Cossa were the Roman patricians, and then the time changed, the barbarians destroyed the great civilization, and nice race turned into graphs Balance, getting themselves in possession of a vast territory on the shores of the warm Gulf of Naples. And perhaps the hot Neapolitan sun (and maybe incest) razgaila brains of the aristocracy who year by year have lost their possessions and former greatness. In the end, Balthazar and his brother Gaspar the legacy left just dust and the island of Ischia. At that time it was fashionable in the Neapolitan seas to engage in piracy. Here Gaspar and took younger brother to sail the blue waters of the Bay. Cossa entered into this business from 13 years. He liked not only full of risk life, but a pretty concubine, which could have been easily captured and then strongly to abuse. Cossa until the last few days had a weakness for women of all ages. Through its bed have passed as a teenage girl, and a noble matron.

And all anything, but soon the murderous life of a pirate has changed. Who can greatly affect the life of the Italian boy? Of course, mom! Mom said that her younger son needs to get an education. Moreover, the money in the family already had. And our «dad» went to grasp the basics of theology, in other words, to study theology at the prestigious University of Bologna. You ask how cruel pirate from the provinces enrolled in one of the best European universities? Subsidies? Target? No. Yes, the exam at that time was not yet. It’s much easier: just a guy was very smart, and learning gave him problems. He instantly became the top student in the faculty and instigator of all adventures. Students recognized him as a leader, and it was terrible not to recognize, moreover, that the best swordsman in the whole of Bologna was not found. But most of all, the CMRR was not interested in study and travel in the most rich bedrooms Bologna. Noble ladies happy surrendered almost Italian stallion, and that satisfy their need for adventure. However, for this he paid the price. One angry mistress would not forgive Kosse infidelity. Oh, those former are forever they’re a nuisance! They sent the assassin with the task failed, was killed. Koss found the culprit, killed before her eyes her husband and scratched her on the chest with a stiletto star. However, he was caught by those who in the future will have to work closely inquisitors. Actually, at first, he managed to escape, but in the end did not come, the boy to success. But Koss made a daring escape, killing a guard and lost in the streets of Bologna, he returned home and took the old one is to Rob the court.

You’re probably tired of reading about the loving adventures of a pirate and think how this monster came to the Holy see? And it was so. The pirates of the Mediterranean was a kind of neutral territory, their personal Tortuga island of Lampedusa. Now there are planted Africans who want to be Italians, then – pirates. In matters of faith pirates had conflicts. Especially because this shelter was made to put the gifts next to the image of the virgin Mary (Christians) and the Muslims at the tomb of the Saint. But Balthazar thought that nothing good to disappear, and ordered to take everything on Board. But here the Christian and Muslim deity, not seriously angry, and, bribing Poseidon, staged an incredible storm that destroyed the ships Cossa and his team… except for himself, his ladies and the other two. Koss swore that if will survive, will become a priest. And apparently, the heavens decided to test the strength of a pirate word, because it washed up on the shore. However, until the peasants, whom he for years had terrorized. Those with great pleasure that transformed the face of Cossa in the beef and brought to the man who became the godfather of the future owner of the Vatican city, – Pope urban VI. Therefore, an urgent need was the commander. And authoritative, bloodthirsty pirate approached for this role. He successfully coped with its role in defeating the enemies of the Pope. Then conducted the Affairs of cardinals who supported the other Pope, Clement VII. In this case, the CMRR has shown exceptional zeal in the role of investigator and the role of the executioner. And then dad died in his place came near Boniface IX. Thanks to the Soviet cartoon, it’s hard to take seriously. So no one took. All the work was done by the former pirate. The Boniface is not run, the crowd of black kids, only the true pirate that he in gratitude made a cardinal. But despite the red robe, Koss lived like a real filibuster and the rich man, arranging endless orgies and feasts. Anyway, visiting travelers noted that the Pontifical house had rotted completely.

Meanwhile Cossa poisoned candidates for the throne, tortured his tutelage the new Pope Gregory XII, who stripped him of his dignity. Koss is a disgrace to endure did not, and convened a Council, in which all recognized that the Pope is not the same, and you need to put the demoted cardinal, but Balthazar was not so stupid and suggested instead of a Greek Peter Filargo, was Alexander V. Good, by the way, dad. Well, when he died and it became clear who will be next.

On the papal post Baltazar time was not wasted and behaved, to put it mildly, krasnovato. Do you know why he took that name? Yes, because strongly impressed by the same John XII, about which was spoken above.

Pirates of the former are not, and how this thief, COSSU were primarily interested in gold. So he introduced indulgences. As they say, come, eat up! 2 Ducat – for killing wife, 4 – for the murder of a priest! Interestingly, the most vicious was considered bestiality to 12 ducats, which asked more than the life of the Bishop – 9 ducats. The list was huge, and as the papal coffers were growing by leaps and bounds.

In these days of Koss found peace of mind. The bed he shared with his granddaughter Dinora. As she grew older and tired of the vicar of God on earth, he sent her to perform an affirmative duty women in the middle ages – to enter into a dynastic marriage with the old enemy – Naples king Vladislav. Lord Dinora very much, and he was ready to reconcile with her nasty grandfather. But the AUC was not the world. The Koss just did not need problems. He sent a Cup of poison to her granddaughter, explaining that it was a love potion. Drank both. That was the calculation. Neither the grandchildren nor the enemy – no problem.

Women the Koss was cruel. He was the beloved Andre that saved him from the chase in Bologna, which was beaten together with him after the shipwreck, and in every way that he was loved and protected. But then the years began to take their toll, the flame of love died down, and daddy had a new passion – his old friend IMMA, who nursed and actually rescued from captivity after COSSU dropped. So, Andre tried to kill rival, but the killer failed back. Cosse did not like it, and he was ordered to poison a former companion. Here’s a determined person.

By the way, Koss died in honor. Several years sat in prison, but IMMA have collected money from the huge state of Balthasar and redeemed from the captivity of their beloved. Well, and that, in turn, abandoning the claims to the throne, was appointed the first cardinal. Sometimes the logic of the monarchs from God incomprehensible. First you this man left to rot in prison, and then make the second person in the state!

COSSU was buried with military honors. That’s such an interesting life. Horrible, unfair, but very interesting. If we ignore the Holiness of the papacy, in General, was a good ruler. But Holiness, as you understand, that in those days was the last thing. Even if it was about the throne of St. Peter.

By the way, for a long time the name John was considered disgraced, but in the 20th century exactly the same name with the same license plate he took, perhaps, one of the most glorious popes, Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli, who actively called for peace and harmony.

Alexander VI

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About them and say nothing. This family like no other, has undermined the already shaky authority of the popes in the fifteenth century. Then in Italy, these vip families was more than enough, there is even a plethora of noble houses who couldn’t get enough of their possessions, namely authoritative the chair was very close – in Rome. By the way, the Borgias (nee Borja) was originally from the hot Spain. But in Italy they have all been covered, two of the kind were popes, one canonized, a lot of cardinals came from this family. About the family of Pope Alexander VI Borgia, who had in the people a nickname «the Druggist of Satan» (maniacal penchant for poisoning don’t need him), went themselves vicious rumors, but the evidence is almost gone. Of course, if the evidence does not make a great film «poisons or the world history of poisoning», where the phantasmagoric reality was depicted by a vicious father. Yeah and Assasin’s Creed are probably told and shown, how all was actually.

For those who don’t like to read much, but loves shameful picture, we recommend that the Franco-Italian comic book about the life of the Borgia family and Pope Alexander VI. Historicity there a little bit, but the material is sinful for surveillance in large quantities. And for the even more lazy – a wonderful series about the difficult everyday life of Pope Alexander and his family. However, the Franco-German variation on the theme is not worse.

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If you take krasnovatoe Rodrigo, the father of the family, he put the wine in incest with his daughter Lucrezia, who bore him a child, though the dad admitted to it. But people were joking that, well, it was almost an immaculate conception, not only from the Holy spirit and from the father, and her own. She was married to the influential families of Europe, and then killed her husbands for the sake of new relationships and possessions. Did this father and son Borgia, respectively. Well, of course, had a huge passion for poisoning, for which he was nicknamed «the Druggist of Satan.»

Notable for his death. Rumor has it that dad accidentally ate a poisoned Apple prepared his son Cesare, who began to build it as a rival for the hand and the flesh Lucrezia. Yes, they’re all great. But historians refute this fact, saying that dad was just a cold. And bloating and the stinking scent that he gave on his deathbed (because of which many people simply did not venture to approach him) – just fiction. Anyway, this Jolly family, the most interesting was not even Alexander, his son. The one on which Machiavelli wrote «the Prince». How much he was treacherous!.. But that’s another story. They say that his brother Juan (pet Rodrigo) he is also killed.

By the way, is not the only Pope of their noble vicious kind. From Rodrigo was uncle Alfonso, who became Pope Calixtus. I agree, the name is not very good, but nonetheless. On account of it was III. Nice daddy was, I must say. An active fighter against heresy and all that, what did his negligent relatives.

But before I finish talking about his family, about which all know, let me make one remark. The fact that Borgia in his lifetime, nearly destroyed two of the largest Roman clan, which enjoyed enormous influence and hated the Spanish upstarts – Collon and Orsini. There is a version that all the rumors about poisons and incest spread that is envious and less successful competitors. Then the tip of the Church was close-knit cast, which was mostly with Italian nobility. Of course, that the public had no reason to love a Borgia, in which some individuals saw not even the Spaniards, and Jews. That’s why all the dogs (bribery, blackmail, and other amenities) to poor family and pulled.

John VIII

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And completes a rating oskotinivshiesya parents… a woman. Yes, the same legendary, which became the myth, the infamous Pope Joan. What a pity of St. John, whose name was called the most vicious of the Pope. That’s what the magic of a name, forgive me all Ivana. This charming creature has left more questions than answers. And most importantly – did she really, or is it another discrediting the papal tiara fiction? The official papal chronicle flatly deny its existence, but the cardinals only wearily roll their eyes, claiming that everything is a lie. But wait for recognition of even the possibility of usurpation of the Holy see, a woman, and even from the Vatican, is simply meaningless. They hardly recognized that the Earth is round, and it’s a disgrace for the whole Church. Anyway, the fact that a girl led by the nose such a powerful structure like the Catholic Church, and became head of the private men’s club just humiliating!

For the first time about her talked about in 1276 in England when the new Pope took the name John XXI, and XX does not as expected and according to chronology. And then there was a rumor that spread throughout the planet.

It was rumored that in the world wrong dad’s name was Agnes, and her father was a missionary who came with God’s words of love and caresses to preach Christianity in the backward Germanic tribes. The Germans, of course, did not like missionaries, and one day with all the German hospitality they have knocked him in the head with a rock and broke his arm. I ran to the aid orphan Agnes. And began to live together. He, of course, taught her the basics of Christianity, reading and other necessary things. Agnes in his own way helped good English. The fact that the girl had a phenomenal memory and a real acting talent. Sermons that were heard from her mouth that chilled even the hardest German heart. Toothless, tongue-tied, the old preacher could have such an effect on the crowd. And the rumors about the angels, so touchingly and movingly talks about the commandments of God, instantly scattered towns and villages. Only then the girl impersonating the boy. It is believed that in that severe epoch, when woman was something of a home inventory with a large set of functions, the preacher of a male believed more, and were allowed much more.

When the preacher died, the girl, of course, went to the monastery, of course, in the male, under the name John Langlois, under which lived the rest of her life. In the monastery, Agnes, who became the van, stood out against all others with his knowledge, intelligence and wit. It is believed that Mother nature had treated her like 70% of women on earth: do not give her large Breasts. Or maybe it just was not visible. But other symptoms of puberty, she took it. Okay my period (although the girl hardly anyone explained what it is), but at 16 she pulled on the boys. She fell in love with young, beautiful, hot monk. Under a male outfit Agnes always remained a woman. To get suffers from no carnal pleasures young monk was not difficult. First she told him her story, then gave touch her forbidden delights and tried to become him more than a friend. He did not resist. They were inseparable. However, the brotherhood began to believe that they are sodomites, and it was a terrible sin could throw stones. So, every second the monk had sinned with a sister, but it was a little secret. Surveillance revealed the truth: the lovers were threatened with the fire, but they ran away. Wandering through France, Agnes-Ivan literally sunk all of its rivals in numerous theological controversies. Abbots, scholars, Dukes did not find the arguments against the magic eloquence of the young man. To her/it became popular it got decent ties and enormous credibility. But at this moment from a bad illness a loved one dies a monk. In her grief she goes to Athens, where after graduating from the school of philosophy took a major decision in your life – to conquer Rome.

In Rome she the go took the honorary position of papal Secretary. Ivan was in charge of the papal finances, communicated with foreign courts, simply put, was the right hand of Pope Leo IV.

But as they say, appetite comes during meal. Vanya was surprised. Vanya decided that there are no obstacles to reach the highest position. Forgetting the fact that she is a woman, spit on the foundations of the Catholic Church and with the support of the cardinals, she became Pope. What cardinal San she had honor and respect, too. Many considered it the best theologian in the world, and before the death of Leo IV had named John as his successor, and the only one worthy of the papal tiara. Oh, and most importantly, there was no suspicion in her field.

By the way, as Pope Agnes/Ivan showed himself well. His bull was directed against the wickedness of the clergy, was full of justice and reason, and most importantly, in the cruel age she rules like a woman with a gentle hand. No blood and violence. Maybe if the Holy see were women, the world would be a much fairer?

But then a terrible thing happened – Papessa was pregnant. Could not, fool, to restrain instincts. It is believed that from a Lutheran chaplain. But it doesn’t matter. It was important to have a baby and continue successful activities. So it was announced his father’s illness. But people realized that something was wrong and demanded to make a procession to the Pope healed. What do you think? The baby decided to be born at this moment. At first the people thought of it the demons out, while she writhed in prenatal fights. But when from under a wide hem got a baby, there were cries of angry Romans: «We were deceived!» And maybe it would be nice to burn the heretic, but it was not needed. Exhausted prenatal pain, completely unprepared for him Ivan lifeless stretches on the ground.

There is another version, though no pregnancy was not, and God’s wrath sent a doubt inquisitive mind to expose an impostor. Simply put, it is revealed and put at the mercy of the hungry Romans. Or rather, tied to horse’s tail, dragged through the city, and then the righteous crowd stoned her to death. That’s such a sad end.

Myth or truth, apparently, the answer to this question will not give one. Some argue that she just couldn’t change in that time period, he was beaten by the pontiffs, whose existence is proved. Other – that is the work of a cunning Orthodox from Constantinople. But still the story is beautiful.

By the way, after that each Pope began to check for lice. Took the Holy father, put in a special marble chair with a hole at the bottom called Sella, and special man groped his genitals. After receiving confirmation of his maleness, the participants of the Conclave the Pope staged «standing ovation». Now this chair is kept in the Vatican Museum, because, thank God, there are other remedies for genital examinations.

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