For that you need to hate New year

There’s nothing I love in this celebration is stronger than its traditions, a constant bath meal during the week (to this is added the traditional family dinner on Christmas day, which has added to the celebration of the birth of my two nephews who are lucky enough to be born in the same day), weekends, during which didn’t work, and repeated from year to year, the feeling of Groundhog Day. But the people around joyful and excited for the holiday, although I am more than sure that they genuinely do not feel just accepted, we rejoice, eat mandarins, smell the Christmas tree and imagine how you’re going to get drunk in dupline almost every day, to eat for the whole year harmful hawk with maintcom and getting fat to the point that you do not want to weigh myself because of the terrible sense of frustration.

There are many reasons to love this holiday boorishness and gluttony. Despite the fact that I love the New year for their own reasons, I’ll tell you what this holiday is despised to the pain in the groin.

1. Tree

You know what I’m willing to accept these uporotyh defenders of flora and fauna? Women fashion wear stitched together skins of dead animals are really moronic, like the annual new year’s felling trees. Every year there is fucking genocide of the poor trees. What is the reason for my present? The Christmas tree is a beautiful perennial plants that have a chance to grow into a beautiful huge tree, which surely will rise on our bones, when we all finally kill themselves. Trees in some of Siberia look like enormous giants that are breathtaking and make you feel like a complete jerk and trembling creature. I think every tree has a secret dream to become pretty fucking amazing supermiguel, but life is not cool, cruel. Especially for those born on a Christmas tree. Here you conifers and badly I wanted to grow up to be big, but coming from a guy with an axe, cut down you see, and your corpse hung colored balls and garlands. When I see Christmas bazaars, I sincerely think, «Why?» Why not buy at IKEA little tree in the pot, and then not give it back to them for half the price? Why not buy an artificial tree, do not fasten it to air fresheners with the smell of pine needles and not to rejoice that you’re in trend?

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Another thing — the need to decorate the Christmas tree when you hang around the apartment cat. For some reason they always get excited at the sight of this tree, trying to climb, gnaw branches and play with the ball. One of my friend cat ate the rain, and then, with all honest company managed it with shiny ribbons. There is a cat — and ass sticking out the rain.

2. Traditional dinners

I don’t understand why the salad «Olivier» is still considered a celebratory food and can be bought by weight in any shop and café. Its ingredients are simple as hell those that so what to do, «Olivier» it is possible though every day is not a red fish with black caviar in squid. But Olivier in the New year, almost all, if not, then the woman is a bad woman, it can be thrown in the trash, and you have a holiday shit.

In the New year from all meals as much as, it seems, for the whole year no one ate. Somehow a good time in the minds of most Russians is to eat so that you’ll be sick. Only a few holidays know the rules: why not try a little of this salad, a little different, eat a sandwich, a main course and something else? Why you need to push a food, even when you frankly sick? That alcohol none of us know the measures, I completely silent, the moral is «don’t drink until the second stage of alcoholism — the Loch and a strange man» as it suggests. I do not advocate not to drink and be sober that’s spreading it on every corner, but to get drunk so that then hug the porcelain friend in the bathroom — definitely a shitty choice.

In addition to Olivier, there is another dish which is pretty annoying. This meat in French. I will not say that the present French meat looks a bit different. Once I met a very decent meat in French, which was stunningly delicious, and did not represent a monolithic surface of cheese, something vague and mayonnaise that tastes like the sole of the boot under the cheese. This high-calorie stuff will be on your table in less than a week.

The worst thing with all need to eat and drink. First, the main celebration, and then «Napoleon» from mom, then drink with friends, then with friends, then the parents of his wife, then in another the same parents and so on to the end of the weekend — samsara Granny.

3. Pre-holiday fuss

Because of her, last weekend I watched «the Hobbit». Traffic jams everywhere, people with glowing eyes and a ton of packets, multiple queues, all pushing, kids crying, no seats anywhere in hypermarkets even buy toilet paper with hundreds of rolls (to shit it will have a lot). And it’s annoying.

4. Day and night of the 31st of December is the craziest time in the world

Some guys work in the day, and then go home, bringing news of the town is firmly. You think you’re terribly smart, leave the car at home and going to ride the tram. As it is not so! I still remember two years ago, I went to friends to celebrate the New year after work. It was six o’clock, I was standing at the tram stop. It’s hard to describe the feeling when you’re standing hour and not see on the horizon a single tram. And the tram is not even in the opposite direction, if this world never existed, and the rails — that’s retarded. I stood still for thirty minutes, the benefit of time allowed to stand: people going until the ninth hour. I went to my friends five times, and earned more in the shadows thirty minutes. I had never traveled much, considering the fact that directly to them went to the tram, but the trams were or there, or depot.

Another thing — strange people in the New year. The new year is a time when everyone is happy, because happy all the time lots of it to drink. Therefore, six to seven hours drunk is inadequate on the street a dime a dozen. Just in time for my epic trip two years ago, I was waiting for the tram with some strange type. He was standing on the other stop right in front of me, under one arm he had a bundle of multi-colored, and he was definitely drunk. Much. After half an hour of waiting for our hero pulled out a pack of firecrackers and a lighter and fifteen minutes doing that throwing them at the empty rails. Exploded firecrackers, and grandma next terribly indignant. Then the guy noticed that I look at him, I smiled and shouted bad voice: «happy New year, bro!» Then pulled from his pocket some bunch of firecrackers, lit it and threw it on the rails. A bunch of dancing, jumping, making sounds that pleases the people, did not go to the toilet for a week and fed peas. The grandmother started complaining even more desperately, after what to expect from the separated strong powerful man, which beautifully closed up «fireworks» of cabbage soup. The guy was not offended, just reasonably quiet.

31 December is a crazy day.

5. Any institution after the New year

The idea to go for some bread in three hours of the day January 1 — stupid and an utterly stupid idea. The city looks so, just survived the Apocalypse. Around the trash, the passersby are almost there, the silence is horrible, all the shops are closed, but if opened, there’s nothing in them. When was the last time you saw a store that in the fridge is one pack of milk and nothing else? When shelves empty of bread, there just was never anyone there? Just January 1, I found next to my porch in the flower bed the strange discovery in their lives — the crumpled banana in a condom…

I sympathize with those who have to clean up after us in the New year, probably, they hate us — and completely.

Another thing is that after the New year closed some cafes, swings, baths, museums, cinemas, shopping malls, Barber shops and all places that provide services. When they open, not really understand. Speaking of rocking. When it opened, I’ve never seen so many women at the gym where I usually go. I have the feeling that these Chicks decided to throw all their reserves of fat that they have gained in all that time. All cardio machines are busy, approach them unreal, and all that these ladies do is run. No deadlift, no bench press and other things that will help not only lose weight but to stop being loose. Somebody explain all these women the basics of fitness!

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