Develop the stamina. Part 6: stop making this just a disaster
This is our last post of a series aimed at helping you develop the confidence. Previous parts you can find on our website: first, second, third, fourth, fifth.
This series I told you the story about my University. Every semester, I had dark days when I expect the outcome of the Colloquium and seemed kind of out of it, drawing ourselves strastnye the consequences of my wrong answers. I basically lay the couch and was in depression.
I cosplay log thinking in the spirit: «I’m overwhelmed. If I flunked two of my peg, I do get expelled. And then where I work? In «McDuck» to the end of days? If I failed, I will consider myself stupid, everyone will think I’m dumb, and even if not expelled, then the job will not take. All, you can put an end to the work of the specialty. No interesting classes, the fear, anguish and despair lie ahead». Well, «fear, anguish and despair» — it is the other guys came up with, but still, this speech seemed to me to be truthful.
In short, I believed that one bad rating will lead me to an endless drop to the bottom. I did it the disaster.
This is the last post in the series, it is not very deep, but he’ll teach you the old dirty trick to resist the impulse to see everything as a catastrophe.
To make the events of the disaster means to imagine and experience the worst possible consequences of the situation. Basically it is an over-reaction that allows your thoughts to run its course and play outside your imagination is the least likely scenario of events. That’s what happens when you can’t sleep, the clock for three nights, and you’re worried about the future and about everything that can happen to you.
Catastrophic thinking occurs along the chain. One what-if leads to another, until you start to imagine yourself worthless bum.
Catastrophic thinking takes two forms. It can start because of a specific event (e.g., exam), or be a product of your thoughts and fears about the future that takes your imagination to the most threatening forms.
Why do we begin to make the event a catastrophe?
Catastrophic thinking usually leads us to irrational conclusions. If you ever practiced it in the company of other people, they probably told you something like: «Come on, don’t upset yourself». For example, my friend tried to show me what I’m thinking is irrational, but this chain of disasters seems so real that it’s hard not to take it seriously. Why?
Though the leap from point a to point b seems illogical to us, every little link in the chain is indispensable. Your mind goes from pseudo-logical connections, moving from one thought to another, so when you reach the end, the results do seem plausible enough. How? «I failed the exam.» «Oh my God, I will get kicked out of uni». — «Low-paid job for life». — «The whole world sucks».
Logical faults occur when catastrophic thinking we blindly believe that one necessarily follows from the other. So you need to step back and look at the situation: what is really, quite reasonably could happen?
To do this, write down each step in his chain of catastrophic and critical look at them. This could really happen? And if so, what?
Let us imagine that a certain John is responsible for important to your company presentation. At stake is a big contract. However, he forgot the flash drive that had this presentation. He’s devastated and begins to improvise a bit, trying to impress potential clients, but they remain unconvinced and wondering what it all was. When Bob sits down at the table after his disgrace in his head turns on catastrophic thinking.
«The company will not receive a contract because of my stupid presentation. My boss will fire me. I never find such good job. We will not be able to pay for the mortgage, and we’ll be evicted. If this happens, the wife will leave me.» All. Life seems ended.
VAS would have to record all these ideas on paper and think about whether they are true. You can even give them a rating from 1 to 10 to assess their likelihood. 10 signifies complete certainty and 1 is almost zero possibility that this will happen.
- The company will not receive a contract because my presentation was terrible. 8.
Why this happens: So, the presentation was bad, but I was able to remember a few key points why they might choose us. There’s a chance that, despite my failure, customers see that we are going to have the best partner.
- The boss will fire me. 6.
Why this does not happen: We did not get a lot of contracts, I think, have not received another one. It’s not the end of the world. I made a huge mistake, but in the five years that I have worked at, I was the best sales and bring them more contracts than anyone else. I was twice employee of the year. It would be difficult to find a replacement for me.
- I’ll never find the same good work. 3.
Why this happens: So, the release is dumb, it’s hard to find a job, but to say that you will never find anything as good is just silly. Everything will be fine. Sometimes we have to work where we do not really want, but that’s life. Summary I have a good, it is something to squeeze. I will try and eventually find something even better than a job that I have now.
- We will not be able to pay the mortgage. 3.
Why this does not happen: Even with the wife’s salary we can pay for the mortgage. So, we’d have to cut our budget, but we have been living that way. And then it ends.
- If we are evicted, the wife will leave me. 1.
Why this happens: the Relationship between us is very strong. We were not there. She has already shown me what will be next in sorrow and in joy.
If Bob make such a list and look at the real probability of these events using logic he can psevdologichnye break this chain of disasters. One fact record your thoughts on paper and reflect on the reasons why they don’t work out very well clear your head, calm you and give you confidence.
Make a list of things to do
We begin to turn the events into a catastrophe when we don’t feel enough control over what happens to us. Another key to beat the catastrophic thinking is to create a list of things you need to do if come the worst case scenario. So you’ll feel much calmer and more confident: you will be the plan.
Bob could do the following:
- Call clients to apologize for chaotic presentation and ask if she minds if, if he invited them for dinner to discuss some things that were not addressed in the presentation.
- Do not wait until the boss come and knock him over the head. Sincerely apologize to him, to recall past achievements and promise to work 110% to make up for his mistake.
- Update resume and get it in better shape in case he would be fired.
After the list is done, you can begin to put it into practice. The action will help you feel in control, and it’s much better than fear to turn into a log.