Develop the stamina. Part 3: take your life under control
This is the third part of our series of materials that will help you develop the stamina. Previous parts can be found here and here.
The third part will be a bit long, but there you are guaranteed to find a lot of useful information that I really wanted to share with you. So I am asking you to read to the end and I promise that you will not waste time in vain.
Feel that everything is under control
In the previous text we discussed the experiment when the dogs were beaten with electric shock, and as a result, the artificially acquired helplessness. It’s just an experience that helped establish that if the individual does not have control over the situation, he plunges into depression, feel defeated and can no longer take a punch.
When you’re unable to change something, to influence the course of events, to make something happen, you have the same Foundation, which allows the brain to control the situation. Man comes into the world with a desire to control it, and if he loses this opportunity, he becomes unhappy, helpless, lose hope and depressed.
Conducted a special study, in which patients of nursing homes were divided into two groups: high and low degree of control. They were given potted plants. Groups with a high degree of control said that they must care for plants, while in the group with low degree of control, it was announced that will take care of the plant staff. 30% of the members of the group with a low degree of control at the end of the experiment died, while the percentage of deaths of subjects in the group with a high degree of control was twice lower.
Further study has confirmed the results. Now researchers have come to a different nursing home and broke in pairs of College students and patients at home. One group of elderly subjects (with a low degree of control) could not affect the time of the visits of the students, the students themselves set the appropriate date. The group with a high degree of control could tell students when to come. After two months, subjects from the group with a high degree of control was much happier, healthier, more active and took fewer medications than the subjects from the group with a low degree of control.
If a sense of control over a house plant can extend life, imagine what effect on happiness, confidence, and vitality produces a sense of control over important things.
Internal and external locus of control
In the fifties, the psychologist Julian rotter theorized that human behavior can be explained by the type of locus of control: internal or external. Locus in Latin means «place», and this category reveals that control personality: internal (internal) or external (external) factors. People with internal locus of control believe that their behavior is controlled by their own actions and decisions. People with external locus of control believe that their behavior is controlled by fate, luck and other external factors. Usually people don’t go to extremes, just categories represent the opposite ends of the stick. Locus of control affects behavior.
People with internal locus of control:
- sure you can be successful;
- leaders by nature (can control people with external locus of control);
- better able to control their behavior;
- many learn;
- take responsibility for your actions;
- cope better with stress;
- use life’s challenges to become stronger;
- pay changes for the benefit of themselves;
- worse subject to the authority.
People with external locus of control:
- feel like a victim;
- blame everyone except yourself;
- want to be led to the goal;
- avoid responsibility;
- more prone to stress, anxiety and depression.
People with internal locus of control focuses on the achievement and often achieve professional and academic success. They believe they control their fate, they boldly accept the challenge, while people with external locus of control faster say: «why worry? Still no matter what I do». People who believe that their life is controlled by external forces, act as confirming his own theory. People who know that can improve your life, behave accordingly.
The network is full of tests for locus of control, so if you’re interested, Google it and go through. Although it is already quite obvious.
Stop being a victim and start taking control of your life
In men, internal locus of control is far more common than women, so they are continually looking for ways to control their own fate and directly associated with power. However, the manifold stresses and global crises can change the natural behavior of men who might begin to believe that their life is influenced by external forces. Today it is not our fault, but rather the result of social disease, of addiction or a chemical imbalance. At least we so conveniently assume.
The good news: one locus of control can change to another, for example, from external to internal. Rotter explained his idea of locus of control the following theory: the probability that a person will act depends on how he evaluates the specific results, and how much he believes that the action will bring results.
If to speak simple words, we blame others and play the victim role when we do not believe that we can solve the problem yourself.
Unstable people are constantly turning to the manifold «if only…» These guys say that would be what they want, «if they have time to workout». «If my wife so much I wasn’t loaded». «If my boss stopped being an idiot». They are constantly putting off your happiness waiting for him the relevant circumstances or people who will come and do everything for them.
Where is the truth? People don’t change. And if you want to be happy, he just start to control your life. If you’re letting your colleagues/friends/girlfriend to make you feel bad, you can stop this by showing activity.
The persistent person knows that the only thing he can control is himself. Only he can change circumstances, and only he can control how to react to stimuli. Circumstances do not dictate you how to live — you dictate. The tough person is not waiting that somebody will solve his problems, he’s always trying to do it yourself.
Learn to solve problems
The key to control of your life is the development of problem solving skills. When you learn to solve problems, you will become more confident and believe that you can take on any challenge you throw life. To learn to solve problems, there are three different methods.
Analytical solution of problems
We as men should aspire to this way. Here we need logic, analysis and reason. What you need to do the steps?
1. Exactly understand the problem. Ask questions, reflect, watch. Find out how information about what is happening.
2. Ask yourself: «What do I want?» The desired output for you?
3. Think about two or even more possible ways to solve the problem. Weigh all the «pros» and «cons» of each.
4. Action. Make a decision and start implementing it.
5. See to what effect. What helped? Not helped?
6. Learn on reviews. So it is possible to find in the future even more effective approach.
7. Vidoizmenyat their efforts.
Analytical way of solving problems is good, for example, to keep the finances under control. If you feel that everything is going bottoms up, sit down, count the debit with the credit, add and subtract — calculate a new budget.
Practical problem solving
There are people who learn life from books, and those who know life on the street. Ideally, it would be better to combine both. Practical problem solving is not to let emotions consume you when you encountered difficulties. Such people are not mad and not focused on the question of the series: «Well, why does it have to be me?» Studies conducted on a group of people surviving in extreme situations, showed that instead of trying to deny the reality and reconcile with her, and they embrace the attention to everything that happens. You can yell: «It can’t happen!» all you want, but it’s already happening. And you’ll have something to do with it.
Those who solve problems in a practical way to immediately begin work on finding solutions. They choose action, not words and self-analysis. They are preparing for future challenges because I know that if trained, they will not be something to fear.
Creative problem solving
When we talk about sustainability, probably the most essential ability is to get creative. Creative problem solving is a talent to think beyond the usual, spontaneously find solutions and generate new ideas that have never been subjected.
Creative problem solving is vital, because the stability comes from the ability to respond positively to the changes. And in the world is constantly changing. Persistent people are the first to try new things, while fragile frightened and shunned.
Unstable people build their happiness for stability. They have a certain order and never leave their comfort zone. When they are forced to deal with the new reality, their world just falls apart, and they are very difficult to adapt to the new order of things. They are trying to do things the old way in a new environment, they have not, they are in depression. It’s like shoving a square piece in a triangular doorway is worthless and useless process.
They can’t adapt to the new reality because they don’t want. They close their eyes, and for them it does not matter new information that literally climbs into the eyes, they refuse to change their minds. «My child doesn’t do drugs». «My girl isn’t cheating.» «I will not cut». These people are always the last to know. They refuse to believe the truth that is right under their noses, and then they are suddenly confronted with the undeniable facts and I can’t help it.
There are companies that have existed for many years due to the fact that in step with progress. They’re not trying to do business with as it was 30 years ago. If you tried, they would not have survived. You can behave like people from the past, who argued that television does not displace radio, and can take a creative approach to everything and stay modern.
How to learn to solve problems in a creative way? Be curious.
Creative people maintain children’s curiosity. Do you remember how as a child you explored the world, asked questions, thumbed through the book for the book? Adults who retain a child-like curiosity, still surprised by new things on the job and get the world new information. They read. They put the question. «What’s happening?» «How does it work?» «What it?» «What they all think?»
Creative people are open to new things and constantly absorb information. They let it flow in their brain and look at things without hanging labels on them, not appreciating them as good or bad. They do not think in the spirit of «It’s a bad idea». «These people are insane». «It’s the thing to do.»
This does not mean that a creative person has his opinion and believes in everything, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong. It means he wants to know how it works, just to know. He believes that any knowledge is useful, regardless of whether you agree with it or not. They are all characterized by the belief that you never know when you’ll need a knowledge of what you enjoy.
When you saturate your mind with information and experience, then they come to you in time and unexpectedly. You can brush your teeth, it’s time to come up with a new business idea.
Creative people know that inspiration can be drawn from anywhere, as well as ideas and solutions to problems. But they know that these things do not come to mind if you keep doing the same thing and not have your brain. See new movies, travel, listen to music, read books, visit museums, go on nature, meet new people. You can look at the obscure avant-garde painting and suddenly realize why you always fight with your girlfriend is a strange mechanism.
Apply these principles in your life
You’re still waiting for the bus, which takes you to a happy future? You feel like an insignificant cog in the machine? Do you expect that other people will make you happy? You check your email a hundred times a day in the hope that there will be something that will change your life?
Enough to rely on someone else. It’s time to take your life under control. Instead of being a passenger on a ship, become its captain.
When life was full of discord, it is difficult. It’s as if every musician in the orchestra played his tune. The sound would be like music. You have to be a conductor and make every instrument sound like you need to create something beautiful.
Start with a list of things you’re unhappy in your life. Pick a problem, come up with a plan for its solution and the actions to correct it. For this you only need a pen and a notebook. And don’t get out of the place, until you remember all the details. When you develop a plan, stick to it with extreme precision. If the situation can not change anything, work on your perception. Don’t let other people define your feelings. Control these emotions, you decide what you should feel — this is what men do.
When you successfully solve one problem, you’ll be more confident and will gain experience of dealing with difficult situations. You’ll get a sense of control over your life, you will become more persistent and confident. And so on indefinitely.
Your life is moving. And you can manage it. It often seems that there is no escape, but he is and he is in action. Do not wait. Go and do it, man.