Changes in the relationship with my mom. It is time
The relationship with mom is serious business and fine. If you read this title and was already clenched, so something you have it not glued.
You can be 20, 30, 40, and 50 years is irrelevant. When you come to mom or call her, you immediately feel like a little boy who is subject to its rules, is forced to argue with her, angry, frustrated — exactly as you are on her words, looks and attitude to you.
Uncomfortable feeling, right? And you know why? Because this is a big problem. Say you felt this way for many years. Your friends, buddies and maybe even children see you turn into in front of your mother. What’s the problem?
Open your ears, man, and now to flow in wisdom. Take a deep breath. You can change what happens between your ears, and it will change your relationship with your mother and then your life will change everything.
The weak against the strong
When you’re next to mom or at least think about the conversation with her, you start to get angry, sad, annoyed, to shut up, to be stubborn, to be offended, to withdraw into themselves, to hold back or just numb? This happens with many guys that are in front of mom just not strong. You know, when nothing anyone could oppose. Feel the skin although do not give this name. You’re not strong enough when you feel paralyzed a victim, when you realize that you are stuck in the problem.
How does that happen? Not by itself, with someone’s help. When you were younger, you learned how man behaves, how it responds to different words and how he interacts with women. Your best and possibly worst teacher is your father.
Whatever the circumstances, the child learns from their parents and other adults how to thrive or at least survive in the relationship. Depending on the level of discord in your family you could develop various survival skills.
For example, if your father was a coward, and mom were mad at him, you know mom’s need to please to avoid her wrath. Or, say, you grew up without a father (parents divorced, he died in prison), and you’ve inherited all of my mother’s resentment towards men.
When these children grow up, they make men who hate themselves. You’re constantly hiding and looking over. Are you avoiding conflict and any unpleasant circumstances. You lie to to please someone else. You’re lying to yourself, trying to believe that you’re not disappointed in yourself and you like your behavior.
But back to the mother.
You may not think, but you have a mother. Don’t like the diagnosis?
Your first concern was always to please mom, don’t worry about it, you’re always worried about how she feels, trying to change it. You hate it when your friend says about your mother, although you yourself argue with her, but allow the mother to build your schedule and choose everything for you. Should I keep going? It hurts. Let’s look at the problem in search of a solution. Let’s change the relationship with mom and will give you the opportunity, finally, to be a man, husband and even father, how you want to be and what the family needs.
There is nothing honorable in your desire to be a good boy. This role has outlived its usefulness. It is no longer necessary. It needs to be reset from the ship of modernity, reset from the basket of a balloon, because it pulls you down. It prevents you, complicates your relationship with a friend, makes you a weak person. Understand? It is time to move forward and become better, and most importantly — to grow!
More precisely, we build it all over again. It will be a Mature relationship of love, attention, care — no animosity. But this relationship will not resemble the old ones. Here’s what you need to do.
Set your principles
We already told you how to do it. Without them nothing will change. The principles make the impossible possible. Remember that you change yourself, your thought process, your behavior.
We’re not talking about how to change others, although the change in your behavior can motivate others. Your desire to change the relationship with the mother does not require her to no effort. From that moment you begin to regain their powers.
Here’s what to consider:
When she begins to criticize, the conversation is over (because it’s pretty to allow her something that is not allowed any more to one person).
The interests of my family now replaced by the interests of the mother (because you want a happy marriage. This does not mean that you abandon the mother and not going to take care of her — just do it in an appropriate manner and on a reasonable scale).
When mom comes to visit, it is necessary to agree with a friend (because it is your house).
Your mother will not educate their children (because you can do it yourself in a way that I think is necessary).
You’re not trying to change or repair the mother or argue with her (because you can’t be right: too late to change this man, she is responsible for itself and he makes a choice).
No loud statements
Never have to ask permission to be what you want. It is not necessary to do so. Not necessarily to the whole world to know about your intentions. No need to tell mom about it or anyone else, but it would be nice to devote to their plans for friend.
The balls and go for it! Your principles will help you. If you really got any of her words and actions will not stop you.
Mom will not be pleased with you. But in the end if you’re consistent, she will realize that she will have to accept that if she wants to communicate with you. It works. Do. There’s nothing to explain. Skaii her that if she insists that you don’t like it, your communication is automatically terminated.
Enlist the support
You can imagine: it will be very difficult for you. Your intentions will upset her. You’ll be in constant doubt and fear. You will begin to feel guilty for «slowly killing your mother.» Can you believe that she is going to tell you about you. All this is expected. If there’s a fire, you will have to Wade through it. It is much easier to do it together with someone.
Support must come from other men. Let them cheer and encourage you, to keep you off of the course. There are chances that other guys somehow survived something like that.
Remember this is what
This process has nothing to do with accusations against your mom. The problem is that it’s now you’re blaming her. Need to do the opposite and stop to accuse her to begin to accept her for who she is, treat her like an adult, which you, as an adult, nothing.