Be what you want: about the importance not to listen to anyone

be what you want

When you were eight, you are not expecting. You could wear your favorite t-shirt with a bear, nraitsa a pirate in the morning and right to tell your aunt that you don’t like her blouse — and all this, without considering the opinions of others. And then one day in school some kid laughed at the cute bear on your shirt, and from that day she ceased to seem like such a cool. Very slowly and with great reluctance you realized that your family, friends and society expect you to behave in a certain way, to dress in accordance with their standards and all that jazz. So easy to lose your internal compass.

Yes, we all to some extent need to be children. We envy those few who managed to save something for children, who are quite comfortable in their skin. They are confident, they are good and they don’t care about what they criticize. They are just doing their job. We often see people in the movies — worse than, for example, «the Big Lebowski»? So, fictional stories and characters can live quite different laws — like a regular guy needs to find its way into the real world and save yourself?

When to change when to stay

Of course, if you’re a stubborn idiot, do not make excuses that you just don’t change yourself no matter what. How to understand that you have reached the point in development when you need to retain the identity and not depend on the opinions of others?

You have achieved success? If you move forward and reach, and people telling you that you’re wrong, spit on these haters. If you did something wrong, you wouldn’t have achieved half what I have now. These people are just jealous and try to stop you.

Support you? Nobody wants to be lonely and unpopular. However, if your actions were completely isolated you, that means you’re doing something wrong. Many single men because of his obnoxious behavior, and they believe that is not the case, and that they become an eminent figure in history, and their revolutionary ideas are about to be recognized by a grateful society. The truth is that even the most revolutionary of the revolutionaries still have fans. Jesus? Galileo Galilei? Che Guevara? Of course, a lot of people were against them, many have criticized, but still have them and there are followers. If you’re a good person and make good, useful or interesting, someone will be to support you. If you begin to avoid like the plague, this means that you definitely need to change something.

Fight with the uncertainty

When you criticize, you can start to doubt yourself and the path that has chosen for itself. These things will help you overcome these doubts before they cripple you or force you to change to suit others.

What are your values? If you don’t know who you are, what you think is valuable and what goals set for yourself, you’ll be vulnerable to a weaker wind of change. You become a chameleon, trying on new identity, depending on what you are. You have to understand what defines your essence, to build a strong Foundation that no criticism, no failures make you doubt yourself.

Sit in a quiet place where nothing will distract (very good to do this outdoors), and open Notepad. Think about your life, about the happy and unhappy times. Make a list of your desires and goals. Make a list of their values, ethical and moral code. Make a list of the most important things for you. Make a list of things you wish to avoid and with whom you are never going to compromise. If you want to have these ideas recognized around, read what you wrote. For example, you hesitate if you should change something — it’s relates with their goals and values? Then stop worrying and thinking about the changes, be confident in your choice. Someone’s offer is consistent with your goals and values and leads you to the best? Then, without hesitation, accept me!

Read biographies of famous people. A common place that you’ll find in the biographies of the great is that they never really liked it all. They all had their admirers and antagonists, though the latter could be a lot. Books about success is filled with stories of great people whose ideas were not accepted by contemporaries, but were appreciated through the years.

Podbadrival yourself. When I find criticism and I try to change under her influence, I just remember a few things.

  • «Who can deny, it doesn’t matter who matter don’t deny». Good words. When you attack some inherent features you just remember the ones you love, who matter to you who value you, they love you no matter what. Those who criticizes you, you don’t care about in any way, no need to spend time thinking about their opinion to your account.
  • «I do not Ducat to please everybody». Want to be to everyone’s taste? Did you ever see such people? Even the great actors, writers and politicians loved by many, but there are those who can not stand them. The way you dress, as they say, what they are doing can capture some, and others to result in rabies. This life. You can’t waste time trying to get everyone to love you. Still will not work. And that’s fine. Just admit yourself — you are bound to criticize. Often it will be done by people who themselves do nothing. They do not write books, but love to criticize them. They don’t write a blog but love to talk that the author did wrong. They never made a movie, but I love to create reviews. They are not on stage and they sit and watch. And spit on them.
  • «If you criticize, then you’re not doing anything important.» Very easy to avoid criticism basic way: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. If you criticize, then you are on the radar, you much. The more you get, the more visible the target, the more reason to criticize. Instead of taking criticism for a reason to change, rejoice: you are going to succeed.

Find your inner compass

Fewer media resources. Every day we are bombarded by thousands of images and cacophony of voices. That deafening noise affects our mind, slowly but surely bringing to us, how we should look, speak, behave and generally live. Of course, nobody knows it. Nobody says: «I buy it because I advertised, and I fell». No, the true purpose of advertising is to create an idea in the brain, and the impression that this idea was born by itself.

Many will laugh, but I do like «Vanilla sky». It seems to me, the movie perfectly illustrates how our thoughts and perception of reality are defined by pop culture. To me these ideas seem giant webs, networks which are becoming fatter thanks to television, movies and music that we consume. This web fills our minds and devours our own thoughts even before they are ripe. It is necessary from time to time to take up a broom and clean up the house. Turn off the TV and computer and get to work, preferably with other people.

Get out of the echo chamber. Just ten years ago men could live in peace without worrying about someone else’s opinion. Today is a different story. Now men do everything publicly. After the man watch the film, he goes on IMDb and looks like it appreciated friends. After a man will listen whose new album, he’s looking for reviews: as it is liked by other fans of the musician? When the guy appears some thought, he immediately writes a tweet. Man posts photo to instagram to show what he eats and buys what he’s doing. He spends Vkontakte survey. In short, we all like living in the echo chamber. We can’t even pee without telling your friends about it.

Lean momentum to let others know about your life. The constant desire for feedback makes you feel insecure and focus on someone else’s opinion.

Don’t imitate. Some create their identity by copying other people — even successful and well-known. I sincerely to learn from good examples, but you can’t be yourself blindly copying another person. Even if you admire it, you have your own life, its own unique story. Borrow his ideas, take into service, use as a source of inspiration, but on this basis to build something on my own.