And if we do not send…

The secret to winning at «Eurovision» has long been exposed. Need: Swedish composers of the Greek choreographers and luck. This year, the gold does not Shine on us. So send someone to get it?

When Max Fadeev has written the best album in the history of Russian pop music. This, of course, «the Raven.» He hadn’t learned to write narrow-minded pop music. His songs could sing-just him and Linda. Dark Crow was a real revelation for these terrible times. No one knew how to live, and then there’s Linda. But still, listening to this album, one had to be impressed with the fact that it’s generally recorded in Russia.

Since then, Fadeev became very eminent producer, throwing tantrums in the show on two channels and writes mediocre songs in the bad song contest. Gagarin is a great singer, but we were very lucky with the pass to the final. Catch us nothing. And to convince Europe, sending the Desk staff was extremely stupid.

However it is strange that with the ability to write good songs for singing contest go with any slag. First Silver, now Gagarin. If you don’t believe that he knows how to make music, listen to this song.

In General, for us this contest is not needed. Another tributary of pathos and patriotism, normal people will not stand. But if you really to send someone, then…

Alexander Pistols

Many are dreaming to send on «Eurovision» charismatic Sasha. Even collected signatures online. And that, my friend is very many Patriotic songs, he would be able to explain in whose Crimea. The legendary «Helicopter» Pistoletova will kill all the ladies outright, and the stage action will make you forget about shitty vocals most anti-Russian audience. Even poles. Most importantly, the lady was beautiful and propeller rotate as much as ever.

Vladimir Zhirinovsky

I confess to you honestly, when I feel bad, when I realize that I write nonsense, I turn on this song and calm down. At this moment, when Zhirinovsky said that his love is like watercolors Sasha Shilov, I understand that there will always be a thing that crazy of this song. We used to see Zhirinovsky impulsive. If he sang, he sang only major heresy about Russia. And thanks to this song I realized that Vladimir Zhirinovsky can be very different: deep and lyrical, sad and affectionate. So definitely need to send it. At the same time tell when and how many Russian tanks will storm their decaying Western world.

Any song zhirik, no matter what it can be called «Zhirik sings some shit», just to the Western audience was ready.

Army choirs

When the epic guardian of the Russian morality is learned that the contest will lead Conchita, he proposed to send to the trash-a chapiteau «Polite people» or, alternatively, the Academic song and dance ensemble of the Ministry of defence of the Russian Federation. So, the military choirs are able to sing perfectly, which proves this video. But we know a cunning plan Vitali. One German artist once already sent troops into Austria.

Although is it too much to send a military choir to the pop-circus event. Moreover, the audience saw the Russian military, in a panic run out of the room.

Chanson

Stronger Russian army of Europeans to scare only chanson. Not only appearance, but also the music. This shit rarely hear at Eurovision. Especially great if they sing in English. How does sound: «Why you FRAYER handed back!»

Of course, it is necessary to send «Vorovaek». Women groups are always in demand.

Groin

Who does not know of Pahom? A Vivisectionist? This sweet couple is a philosopher and a minstrel – his mind-blowing music and liquefy the remains of the adequacy of the text was very surprise Europe. Deep Arthouse will make the wide Container and Werner Herzog to take the phone and vote for Russia, especially if his Groin is songs will carry his usual nonsense.

Leonid Agutin

If he was younger, and enthusiasm in it anymore – it would be worth sending one of the few musicians of the national stage, able to produce high quality music.

All residents of the South, from Greece to Spain, hearing a fit Bossa Nova would give voice charismatic dude singing good songs with good accompaniment. It is a pity only to Leonid is not necessary. He needs only a dal of alcohol, absorbed them with his friend Presnyakov.

Mad bassist Gazmanov

If you think that everything you do, is complete idiocy, look at Gazmanov and his crazy bassist Lesova. Before Gazmanov with the song «Horses» was possessed by the devil, and he’s writhing in pain, began to write incredible pirouettes. Many musicians could not stand this and left the team of Oleg. But there was one who was the better frontman. It Lesov. Over time Gazmanov considered, but the bass player continues to mimic sexual acts with a guitar and tried to squirm. All in all go to concerts of Oleg. So you either need to build a time machine and send violent Oleg, or send him an insane bass player.

Vanya

While the Finns and the poles sent people with disabilities, we could send her. I mean not Feb Shura, and Vanya Gamasa. You didn’t know what Joe is singing? Enjoy the song «Golden rain». No, it’s not about that! Very kind and sweet song. Some even caught the similarity with the early Jack white and Jimmy Pop from Bloodhound Gang.

Spider

Taschemta, for example, to put up a hell of trash, waste and sodomy, it is necessary to send, for example, of a Spider. The most fashionable naked gerla, heavy rock, songs about boys-nationalists and those show that suit the most fashionable Gerlach Nude on stage, will surprise cooler «Lordi». The more «Corrosion of metal» is even worse than those punks down.

Continuing the theme of thrash. If corrupted Spider refuses to go, you can do this. Incidentally, one of the oldest Russian punk rock groups. Don’t ask where it came from. Be prepared, you may receive a strong desire to sing along with vocalist and keyboardist beer sign.

A Leg Cramp

In 1994, a very long thought, whom to send to Eurovision: all the forgotten singer Masha Katz or «Nogu Svelo». Everyone thought that he would go incredibly fashionable and popular group. First, they were funny, and secondly, they recorded one of his best songs – «Moscow romance». It is very critical. But Mary went that took 9-th place, and all was quiet.

So, maybe send a team? Really, really cool songs they did not write for a very long time.

Rap/rock

There is no sense to send matershiny rockers. «Leningrad» is not prokanaet. There have already been attempts to send to the contest ska-punk. Moreover, the Cord is sweating at concerts, as Pierre Woodman at the casting. And everything else is better not to send. And not to shame. All these social protests are only in Russian.

Same situation with the REP. Let it sit at home. 10th place after all, better than the last.

Even funny Ukrainians «Valentin Strykalo» Big Russian Boss with his banter and irony is not prokanaet. Unless, of course, behind will not be choir girls, who bathed in the blood of the bull. We sent Peter Nalich, who, making fun songs at home, sing full nonsense at the competition and even the language of the state Department. Failed.

Indie rock

This year Estonians started an indie-rock expansion in the Eurovision song contest sent a similar team to the competition. So, next year they will be 3 times more.

As in every country there are at least 2 dozen excellent indie, I advise you to pay attention to the magic of the Samara singer Polly Wants with very high quality for the country’s material, strange Khabarovsk team Parks squares and alleys, performing simple magic of music, Moscow Weloveyouwinona, who have long to act only abroad and… Yes anyone! It’s your choice. Just consider: they can win, to turn on the majors and leave the country. And you will lose the opportunity to drink with them in person, including young children.

Sting

Normal artists have nothing to participate in this circus. They sold a billion records and write what they like. But why not to dream and not to ask sting to play for Russia, to write some masterpiece in his latest album he has a lot of them. Moreover, sting is obsessed with Russian classical music. However, once he admitted he was not familiar with Russian pop. It is not necessary to introduce her, and then he vomits, and he will write another bad song about the Russian, as then, in the 80s.

A Bit Of Romania

Latest freaks sent on «the Eurovision» was, to put it mildly, is not interesting. So generally Conchita sang very well. This guy will put on a show. It is clear that from Russia, he will not go, because he is of Transylvanian Gypsies. But it will be very nice to see. Importantly, with the same effects.

Soso Pavliashvili

Know why it is necessary to send Soso? Because Georgia will give 12 points, and he will kiss the hands of the Europeans, as it would not look from the point of view of hygiene.

But if he again borrows the melody of Duran Duran and write a good song, then all you can send. He himself said that «he wants us to rejoice». Damn it, this is really Duran Duran!

Azis

And yet, repeatedly won Conchita, once won a transvestite from Israel’s Dana International, need to send the White Prince. Just to reinforce tradition. Moreover, the folk in this contest very much. So Azeski has all the chances.

Yura Demidovich

Yura Demidovich though Belarusian, but sings and speaks in Russian. Why? Because…

Talented bug-eyed Satanist, called the Devil directly during the execution rooms, forced writhing in agony his backup dancers, and read the curse in Latin, has not won just because the judges fucked up. He’s like a little Joker manipulated the crowd, preparing her for the arrival of the dark Lord. Now, Yuri has grown, and over the years of studying the dark arts to his magic, and strong voice, became only better.

Caution! After listening, you may receive a strong desire to worship Satan, drink blood and draw a pentagram.