5 things you need to know to make peace with the past
Even if you reconcile with the past, it will still be a part of you. Each of us lives in the present and makes choices based on his past. This cannot be avoided. You read these words now just for this reason. Your brain relates past experiences with these words.
All forms of learning rely on your ability to constantly relate the present with the past. If you think about it, many wise decisions you up until this point, was made due to the memories of what you did or did not do in the past. You can now do what you do because of what they have learned previously. For example, you’ll know one when he enters the room, because you correlate its appearance with what was seen before. So you can effectively use past experience.
However, when you start behaving ineffectively because you think «it was», there is a problem. Old traditions may be useful and can stall your growth and development. It all depends on how they are relevant in the present. To determine only you can.
We talk about how to continue to live and move on, but what we really need to leave behind? The past helps us as much as it hurts. How to know what to reject and what to leave?
1. You unconsciously compare the past with the present
If the experience has an emotional value, your brain marks it as important. If the emotional experience is tragic, it triggers in your brain the fear mechanism, which tells the brain to be wary in the future under similar conditions, even if they are only slightly reminiscent of the same past experiences (this is done to protect you from harm). The brain compares past experience with it. Depending on how emotionally strong was the past experience it can start in the brain mechanisms of the unfaithful mappings that can hurt you.
Once you were attacked by ducks, and now you’re all afraid of bullies.
Old boss yelled at you and now you find it hard to respect your new boss and any person in General government.
And again, wrong comparison with the past occur when you negatively and overreacting to events in the present. It all happens subconsciously. Logically, you know that all ducks are different people with different character, but emotionally you respond as if it is one and the same person.
If you feel you’ve stalled, because I can’t cope with the past, it means that your brain correlates the past with the present, as if those events still happen. What to do?
- Ask yourself: «What events in the past and associated feelings reminds me of my life today?» Dig deep and be honest with yourself.
- When you understand where the roots of your current feelings, make a list of differences that from the past: the place, the people, the details that have caused you discomfort. When you see the difference, read the list again and again until you remember it. This should help you to realize and remember that everything has changed.
2. Do you not realize that your opportunities have increased
In the zoo before the elephant leg is strapped to a thin metal chain and hook her on a small wooden peg. This building could easily break the chain and pull the peg out of the ground with roots, and then to break free — it would not have been the big elephant any work at all. But the elephant does not. In fact, the elephant never even tries to do it. The strongest animal in the world that can pluck from a tree as easily as you can pluck from the garden carrots, remains confined to a small wooden peg with the ridiculous chain. Why?
Because when the elephant was young, his trainers used the same methods in order to tame it. Very thin chain was chained to his leg, and its other end was tied to a wooden peg in the ground. Then the chain and peg were strong enough to hold the elephant in place. When he tried to escape, metal chain used to hold him. Sometimes, absorbed in the world, which he saw far away, the elephant pulled the chain stronger, but it wasn’t broken. As soon as the baby elephant realized that it is useless to flee, he stopped trying.
Now that the elephant is an adult, he sees the chain and the peg and remember what they learned when you were little: you can’t break the chain and escape. Of course, now possible, but it doesn’t matter. It does not matter that the elephant was the size of a house. The elephant doesn’t believe in its power.
If you think so, we are all in some sense the elephants. We all have incredible power. And, of course, we have our own chains and pegs — our limiting beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes it is the experience of childhood, early failure. Sometimes it’s something that we heard when we were younger. We need to learn from the past, but to remember that we progress and circumstances change.
Two things for you to remember:
- If you suspect that now you limit yourself because of the past, remind yourself of what changed in the circumstances and your own capabilities. Now what else?
- Think about what lessons from the past can help you today. It is not necessary to delve into pity, make the emphasis on how it will help you to grow. The past taught you to be motivated, to believe in themselves, to look to the future, not to give up? Focused on what is purchased and not what you’ve lost in the past.
3. Any progress causes discomfort
Nothing starts easy. It all starts with difficulties. Even waking up in the morning difficult. But what is beautiful in life, is the fact that the complexities lead to rewards and pleasure from the done work.
Really heavy interview leads to a meteoric career prospects. The first few clumsy words on the first date lead to a good relationship. Ismaileya exercise leads the athlete to a gold medal. None of this starts with simplicity.
We are afraid of the unknown, afraid to make efforts, strive to avoid pain, even if it is short and leads to gain. Do not be so, be better. You know that growth and progress causing discomfort. Every time you stretch your emotional, intellectual, and real muscle, there is discomfort, and after him, comes progress.
Everywhere in life, awkward steps forward will lead you to overcoming the big barrier is fear.
In addition, remember that growth begins just beyond the comfort zone. Not only is it important to accept the discomfort as an integral part of the way forward , but step back from the past comfort. Constantly remembering the things that happened in the past, you do not give yourself to grow now.
4. Happiness is not only in the past
Reminisce about the good old days is always nice, but not when resurrection is past makes you feel bad in the present. If you begin to live in the past to such an extent that you ignore the opportunities that gives you today, you have a problem. For example, you’re not giving the chance new friends, because you «know» that it does not compare to your beautiful ex-girlfriend.
Feeling that the past is the Golden age, that is perfection, a time of boundless happiness is an escape from reality. To compare this idealized memory with this is believing that the present will never be happy. It won’t allow you to enjoy the moment and look ahead.
Here are two steps to recovery:
- To feel better in the present, close your eyes, relax and concentrate on the wonderful past times, and then imagine that you’re out there at present with all those pleasant sensations. These things happened and they are beautiful. This will help you to use the positive moments of the past and not be sad that they’re gone.
- Look for any moments in which this might be even better than last, at least not much. Even the time that you have learned from past mistakes and now know more.
Life goes on, until that moment, until you die. If you do nothing but look back at the past, you cease to live. We need to resist this trap, this temptation to believe that the past was perfect, and now worth nothing.
5. We can not expect anything specific, probably none is specified
You need to understand that in life nobody plays with marked cards sometimes everyone loses and win. Life always finds a balance. Don’t expect to get back all that you give. Don’t expect recognition for all their efforts. Don’t expect your genius immediately recognize or that your love will understand everything.
There are things you don’t want, but forced to accept them. Things you don’t want to know, but know them. People and circumstances without which you cannot live, but, unfortunately, it does. Some things come into your life to make you stronger so you can live without them.
As long as you live and learn, you need to find out what is yours and what is not; what works and what doesn’t, and then to live without something or someone if it has. Not from pride, not from the inability to change things, not from anger, but just because we don’t all have to fit into your life. Close the last door, give a wave, clear your mind and get rid of the garbage. Stop being who you were to become who you must be today.