5 things to remember when everything goes to shit
If you live on the bottom and wallowed in the incurable alcoholism, you may be the expert in dealing with life’s turmoil. Yes, many say that they are allegedly not afraid of any difficulties that they do not panic and do not lose patience, because the more we face challenges, the better you learn to overcome them. Yes, it is, skill comes with experience. And anyway, we’ll remind you a few things that will help you to survive when your life is going to hell.
5. Everything is temporary, even if the problem is eternal
I just want to draw your attention, friend, that this text is not about how brilliantly to get out of any shit without contaminating shoes. I understand that there is a big difference between what your car suddenly smells some dog shit, and the moment when the doctor says you have Parkinson’s disease. I would like to affect both the level of failure, because in life you have to meet with the others.
One of my aunts a few years ago found cancer. She responded, as would any other man: couldn’t believe it, panicked, afraid is a natural human emotion when he is told the bad news. When some time passed, she accepted the situation and resigned to it. She told me: «All this is transitory. Cancer sucks, but the problem is not the situation, and how I’ll react.» It was a real discovery for me: I never looked at the world from this angle. People can adapt to pretty much everything, even to a complete hell. Especially to a complete hell. But first we panic, that’s the problem.
When my aunt realized that all this time, she didn’t mean that the cancer has come and gone. She wanted to say that the confusion and negative emotions can’t last too long. One day, you’ll be able to clear your heart and head, and it will be easier to cope with this problem.
Recently my car got scratched, and I reminded myself that this is not the end of the world. This is a problem for which there is a very specific solution, and the panic and rage is unproductive. After a week my friend had to remove all four wisdom teeth (that’s the shit, they are horrible, every year I agonize when they suddenly decide to sneak a little closer to the surface of my gums), and again had to look for a solution. To remove teeth, by the way, expensive. But I still had to finish some work the next day. In General, life is a madhouse.
Every time I recall those words of my aunt. This lesson tells me, «Well, calm down. Breathe. This can be corrected, but only if you don’t panic. You will not solve anything if you just watch and be horrified. Everything is temporary. Just be glad mom didn’t call you a Spiridon».
4. It could be worse — meaningless phrase
We somehow got used to this shared phrase, which, in theory, should make us complacent. «Could be worse, dude.» We hear and even say it to yourself each time on our head falls of any kind is crap. And let’s be honest: if it helps you easier to look at things and get rid of panic, keep telling yourself. But this does not mean that this method is flawless.
Usually people say this phrase to downplay the problem. «Is it possible that my day could be worse? The car broke down, and more and rent time to pay! In the refrigerator the mouse was hung up, and in the shop already close caught up at work, did not have time to buy. Come on, relax. Could be worse. Get some rest.»
It would be like to postpone the issue indefinitely, as long as you have no other choice but to solve it. At first glance, this approach seems logical. The problem is that normal people need to go through all the stages of the problem, because grief arises not only when the death of loved ones. It accompanies any loss regardless of its magnitude. It’s hard to admit sometimes things can make us sick. But it is, man.
Remember the last time you had difficulty with the hotel room, or when you confuse the Luggage at the airport, or when you car won’t start. For most of us it seems incredible, and our first impulse: «I Must have something confused. Need to check again.» In the case of car, we can try and 25 times in a row, but it still does not start magically working. This denial is the first stage of grief. Almost always come after other stages. Then you get mad that this happened to you, and then accept.
To postpone this process means to delay the time when you pass through all the stages and you will find the solution.
3. Releasing anger is normal, but it may have consequences
Constantly help it difficult, and sometimes the only thing we want is to destroy all life around them within a radius of, say, half a kilometer. In reality, to do this, of course, is impossible, moreover, if you show your anger, there will be consequences. I repeat, it is a natural desire, and if you do not let your anger turn into a kind of emotional time bomb.
We need to be careful, releasing steam. For example, last month my friend and I were having a hard time financially, we really needed the money (car trouble and teeth, I’m told). It turned out that the bad news I always bring it my friend. And I have been accumulating this shit they’ve been giving me life, so I needed to let off steam.
It’s easy to forget that in such moments a person experiences the same stress as you are. Even easier to forget that if you release your anger, this person will reasonably understand that you see it as the cause of all their misfortunes. Even if this accident is not directly related to your crisis, you can hear something like: «don’t take it out on me!»
Just always remember that you are talking to another person. And he’s actually here, and you tell him unpleasant things. It is incredibly important to understand that your anger is meant not to him but to the whole situation. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to your swearing.
Get it through your head (we talked about this a little above): first, you think everything is a chaos. You’re panicking. You’re not friends with logic. Better to let off steam when you’re already a little familiar with the situation. If you gave yourself time to reflect on the problem, your words will sound much more logical and meaningful, and another person will be much more pleasant to listen to you.
2. You’d be weird to respond to events
If you are able to cope with the difficulties, I’m proud of you. Honestly. For the rest of us I say the comfort of knowing that panic and the feeling of chaos is normal, natural response to stress. Usually at first I did not know what to do. Sometimes the stress even very strong, we give up and declare the situation hopeless, and the problem cannot be solved. Return for a moment to the wisdom teeth my friend: this story is a great example of how to respond to the problem.
It was not that «They are strangely growing through them all the other rots teeth, it would be better to remove them». This was urgent because she was oddly located nerves: the longer the teeth grow, the harder it became. Then began the infection, the mouth was ratburana, and we didn’t have no way out at all. She had heard more stories about the infection, so that is a complete disaster. It was impossible to wait and torture her, and clinics on Sunday, unfortunately, do not work.
We had to pay for the removal of a lot of money. When I heard the amount, I’m stunned. «But we don’t have that kind of money. Don’t know what to tell you, but I really can’t get them out of the air.» I announced the news to her, and nothing was added, while a few did not and could not analyze the situation. Then it occurred to me that in General, you can borrow up to the wages of a couple of friends, and everything will be alright.
Understand how it works? Panic blinds you, and you react to the problem like an idiot, I can’t solve it, can’t control anything, all attempts fail. But actually the problem is solved. Everything can change, just need to go on about the first impulse.
1. Shit will happen to you the rest of your life
The biggest mistake that I did and do again and again is that the various troubles and failures constantly took me by surprise, I quite frankly im surprised. Most of us sure do.
We react to problems as if they disrupt our normal life, and is not a part of it. And the truth is that problems are a normal part of life. They can occur more or less often, be more serious or easier, but the problems will always be.
Even if tomorrow you win the lottery or suddenly will become the most healthy man in the world, you still from time to time have to deal with unpleasant surprises: that’s how the world. Blah blah, we all have UPS and downs, and even if a slight fall, you still each time will be perceived as the worst thing that happened in your life, because the way our brains.
Yes, that’s why we roll our eyes when the rich start to complain about life. To experience these little things really are problems, they don’t know how to be us.
Problems can not be avoided. The only thing you can do is to learn how to solve them when they appear on the horizon. I’m not saying that every day it is necessary to wait for troubles as soon as the clouds are gathering. I’m saying that when the clouds are gathering, do not be surprised. They are always somewhere nearby.
Understand that the longer you just stand and yell, the more shit you have time to lead you by the collar. You don’t want that to happen? Then pay attention.