5 ridiculous things that they say and women do in bed
I remember in one of his Company track 2H talked about what would happen if the planet spread the work. There’s even about sex was «Sex with a cyborg — God knows what it is.» I was thinking, what would happen if it were possible? We would probably overestimated not only our moral but also physical relationship. Although we do already revalued: and people are more and more satisfy their desires using the products of industrial sex-production: Dildo, vibrators, pocket vaginas, inflatable dolls and all that jazz. Some sexy limited Imbeciles go, judging by this picture, isn’t it? What’s next? Machine for any kind of perversion for every taste?
How did we come to this?
All in all, as always, women are to blame. In addition to the fact that they are just physiologically difficult, they also do and say in bed a lot of stupid things that not only cause the usual dudes nausea, but also make the situation to be so intense that erection becomes impossible. So, ladies, it’s true. Some of your character traits and stupid neomaterialist even the most excited pervert on the planet will turn into good for nothing impotent. It’s just a mad cat in a bag, it’s furious, it’s unnerving, it’s embarrassing, please don’t do this ever.
1. To divulge too much information about huge cocks and drunk Threesome
Usually, this uncontrollable flow of information begins: «John, your penis is just a great size. My ex was also decent» or «Oh, Vanya, you’re so great in bed, my ex does not end forever».
Sometimes they want to compliment and boost our self esteem, but sometimes it’s just mind-blowing, and the whole story is starting to look more like unfunny joke, as she was very drunk and had sex Threesome with two random blokes she met in the club. By the way, you might need a paper bag, as given in the aircraft during takeoff, when your new girlfriend will move to the invaluable details: for example, as then she had pains in her jaw from a blow job or how she was in fear for the next two weeks because I was afraid she was pregnant two-headed child or picked up HIV.
Yes, I can not wait to introduce you to my mom.
2. Crying during sex: blissful psychosis
How to have sex with a crying man? In it something to thrust, tell me? What should I do? Immediately to stay and console her. But if suddenly you stop and start asking what’s wrong, it will end a fight long in the night? She will tell you about my father who was never there, and about their erotic fantasies with Yevgeny Petrosyan?
If the trouble occurs with your girlfriend, we warmly recommend to look for the emergency exit from the relationship and dump them here now. If the crybaby is a girl one night and you have enough forces to finish the job, use this chance, but perestroika and just in case, where is your stash to give her in the morning of money on some Postinor. Just encourage yourself that it’s incredibly emotional, and you are the master.
After she goes, forget about her and will never talk to her sleep. You can even change a flat.
3. To call you a false name with drunken eyes
To sleep with a drunk girl who suddenly starts screaming: «Fuck me, Bob, you son of a bitch, fuck me!» is good and nice. Unless your name is Bob, and not, say, Vanya. If that’s your girl, just tell us and we will send to your address a few hooked on steroids gorillas, so they threw it out the window and saved you from this torment.
Of course, we don’t do this, it’s a joke, but you better think about how you would be careful and the least hurt to disappear from her life once and for all. But if it’s just a random friend, why argue for nothing? Well, stay for a change Bob if she wants.
4. Sex is for her a heavy and tedious job
Any man who had a long relationship knows that, after four months of almost continuous wild and sex your needs is significantly reduced. Not only that: for some strange reason, the girl you slept for several months in a row, becoming the only girl at the thought of where you’re starting to get excited and you’re the only one in the world want to see naked. This usually happens just before she will leave you and said that she wants to dispose of them.
But before she went, there is nothing wrong. If it is not, of course, starts the eternal song like «I feel bad» «I’m tired», «Maybe later, I ate» or «I feel shitty». Usually it’s just the first bell to ensure that she will begin to dispose of them without your help.
However, we have news for you even worse: the honeymoon is over, and this situation will never recover. In fact, there is a chance that it will only become worse. So if your friend’s not enough enthusiasm, better put your dick somewhere on a shelf in temnushka or go cringe in the toilet until she dumped you once again. Or have a perverted depraved insatiable mistress, who will comfort you in times like this. This is a good move: it will always be a woman who will agree to anything when the woman you love, wants nothing.
5. Lisp with our personal belongings
Somehow a friend can not silently go into oral sex. They are so polite, that speaking generally every object that you see? Just do not need these strange sentiment! Why ask: «A little Vaska likes this?» or «Vasek wants mom kissed him?» And he’s not a child! He actually can’t hear you, he has no ears, he is a member, woman! Just get busy and don’t get all mushy on him: there is no such kind of affection!
Seriously, nothing kills the desire, as a woman who starts talking with you (or with you) as a foster child who’s hurt life. Like without it in your mouth not climb.