10 tests for strength, which are relations
Often we hear stories about how someone tests the strength of its second half. Personally I in such cases simply shrug their shoulders, can’t resist: too much senseless idea. A long and stable relationship and so are not sure; some of them we can control, but to cope with for the most part — not in our power. Such tests as joint life, family drama and death of loved ones — the real test of strength. If you’ll have plenty of compassion and patience, these things you will only bring you closer together. We will tell you how to get through these moments unscathed.
1. Life together
You decided to stop these meetings, for which there was no time for anything else, and finally moving in together.
How to get through this?It seems that it’s just such a fascinating adventure and a real pleasure to be together, to live in the same apartment. But you’d be surprised how many little things can get in the way to a happy married life. Move slowly, forgive quickly and discuss all the issues immediately, before they turn into big problems. The word «compromise» should be your mantra, but don’t forget, friend, that there are some things you don’t have to give up. Like «Skyrim» to play, but not all night. Like to ride a bike — let is in the apartment, even if she’s not happy that he bothers to MOP the floor. What you can’t change into another person and start loving extremely comfortable for her. To her, too. Like the poster of the Spice Girls — let hang, be patient.
2. The Ghost of a previous relationship
They follow on the heels of all.
How to get through this? If your friend had a complicated relationship, if she had even been married — prepare yourself for what you are talking about it, which you will inevitably turn into betterton. Get ready, it will burst into your life. Not forever, but for the first time.
Remember the old relationship is over, it’s just we don’t live under a dome. You will inevitably have to deal with the subject of the former, and don’t be afraid to discuss it and not be jealous. You can come up with a passphrase that will stop an unpleasant conversation, affects a previous relationship. Said — the hint is clear, you do not climb.
3. Financial difficulties
The loan, losing your job is no fucking joke. Serious business.
How to get through this? If you lack money, think together how you can change your lifestyle to save more. Perhaps you more often cook at home and take lunch with you to work instead of going to the cafe. You may just find the entertainment that do not require financial costs — for example, Cycling, origami or something like that. The financial issue is always a sensitive topic, must be approached with caution. Don’t make the friend feel like a burden, just because she can’t afford to go with you on vacation. Although if she already for a long time, financial difficulties, and she is not trying to solve them, think about it: maybe she intends to live at your expense? Or she’s depressed, and she needs medical help. If you live together and are experiencing financial difficulties, behave as a team. No need to blame each other and find out who is more stupid than spending money. This is inefficient.
4. The death of a loved one
When someone dies, it’s not easy. Your partner will need your help.
How to get through this? If your friend feels sad, leave her that right. She can Express grief, as they see fit, even if it will seem strange. People cope with death and grief in different ways: who cries, who cries, and someone just stops. Someone who goes to concerts and plays basketball. If it behaves unusually, it does not mean that she is indifferent or stupid.
What to do? Don’t need to find words that don’t need inspirational speeches, just love and care. Stay close. That’s enough. It’s the only thing you can do for her, and that’s all she needs.
Recently we have published material on this topic. Since you agreed for a stable relationship, you decided to be faithful emotionally and physically.
How to get through this? Betrayal is a strange thing. You can be one hundred percent true and a thousand percent to be sure my friend, but life is so unpredictable. Some of you still can change. If you changed, it is necessary to talk. And so, to begin with you have to understand what you mean by cheating. Sex? Kiss? Sympathy? Phone conversations on sexual themes? When you will discuss it, determine that this can destroy your relationship. And finally, think about what will you do if the cheating will happen: where to go, how to survive this time.
If you dot the i, this does not mean that to cope with betrayal will be easy. It can still ruin your relationship. But this behavior is akin to supplies of fresh water and canned food in case the Apocalypse: for the first time is enough, and in the process will understand.
6. The decision to become parents (or not become)
If friend is pregnant, it is time to make a decision. From him not to leave.
How to get through this? Personally, I have not had to take such a decision, and I find it difficult to discuss this topic. But smart people are advised to think about the future to get the child positions itself for the future. For example, imagine that you’re 70. Presented? Now I suggest you make two lists. In the first you describe your life, what do you imagine if you have kids. Put it pros and cons. The second list — the pros and cons of life in old age without children. Why old age? Well, it’s not a cheap trick with the example about the glass of water. Just so you will have a whole life, adult children, and even grandchildren. In General, fantasize.
7. Moving to another city
For example, you are sent to work in a branch of the company at the other end of the country, and even abroad. Maybe now some of you must live closer to her parents. Maybe you just want a change.
How to get through this? Moving is a hell of a stress. Moving to another city? Don’t tell me about it, I checked it on my own skin. And if you’re moving in a couple, there is a whole mass of dangers. You’d think that he’d better go alone. Cruel, but I’m being honest with you.
The best way to maintain relationships — infinite patience and understanding. Remember that both of you are difficult now, that your life makes a sharp turn. Constantly analyze yourself, don’t take the stress of moving to her friend. Apologize quickly as you move away from quarrels. Take care of each other.
As soon as the move, give each other the opportunity to be alone to calm down. It’s worth it: in a new place you can bond even stronger, but no need to rush.
8. Family drama
You don’t like someone in her family. Or your family somehow refuses to accept it.
How to get through this? In a perfect world, the parents of your friend are friendly and are very happy that their daughter has found such a positive guy. But in reality it never is. There is always one family member who was disgusted by your nose. A classic of the genre.
Rule one: never speak ill of her family. Even for those whom she loves. She won’t forget it. And will not forgive. The best choice is to stay neutral as possible. Even if you have to collect all will in a fist. The second rule: don’t complain to her friend on her family. She did not need to know how you talk to and who you called. You’re a big boy, he can handle it.
9. Serious illness
Your friend was a serious illness or she was injured. We are not talking about the common cold and not a broken toe, you understand.
How to get through this? This is one of the most complex audits, through which the relationship. Moreover, that illness is scary, they die, you also begin to play a completely new role. One of you becomes a constant concern, the other — those who constantly need to care. Concern is good, it is an integral part of the relationship, but in this form it is stressful for both of you.
If your friend is sick, try to take care of yourself not less than about her. Do not put on a cross, attempting to satisfy all her needs. So you’re going to feel that you sacrifice everything for it, and it will not end well. And Yes, it would be nice if you had a chance to think about your relationship outside the context of hospital Affairs. The disease does not have to manage throughout your life.
One of you is prone to constant depression or depression. Hard case.
How to get through this? Those who are not suffering from depression and never not encountered it, it is difficult to understand how this is a serious problem. It seems that people simply do not keep yourself in hand, that they just need to have fun. Similarly, depressed people often do not find words to explain what they feel.
If your friend is suffering from depression, try to be a good listener, don’t take it personally everything she has to say. Do what she wants, and explain what you need. This can be overcome.